Point of return

The Bhai is back.

A thousand apologies to the bewdas for suddenly disappearing on them, and a thousand thanks to the bewdas who wrote in to check on me. No, the Bhai wasn't arrested or anything. (Well, come to think of it, she kind of was, but we will talk about that another day.)

For now, I am back in the bar and it's business as usual.

Cheers!

Mum's (the) word

So Mom was here for a visit, and on one of the days, Viv and I were supposed to call her when she was at home and tell her to take a bus and meet us at a place at a particular time. Now this was going to be a big event, because she had never really taken the bus by herself to a new place before. Viv had given her rough instructions, but had told her that we would call and tell her again.

When we called her, the phone was beeping (or like my niece Aishu says, "Mausi, your phone is crying. You need to charge it.") so Mom said she will change the batteries first in case we got cut off in the middle of our conversation. So she hung up and that's it -- we just couldn't get through to her after that. It looked like the phone was indeed out of charge, and though Viv had shown her where the charged batteries were, she was probably having a tough time opening the phone to change them. I don't blame her -- many a pretty and blameless fingernail of mine had perished in the attempts to change the batteries and so it was always Viv who changed them.

Viv and I stared at each other. Now what??

"Do you think she will panic?" He asked.

"No," I said, "I think she's already panicking!"

"Maybe she will just stay put at home?"

"But what if she leaves home based on your earlier instructions?? And then we can't find her??"

"Maybe we should go home now and pick her up?"

"What if she has already left home by the time we get there?"

"Maybe she will try to open the phone with a screwdriver or something?"

"Maybe she has already broken the phone?"

Ok. Ok. Stop panicking. Regroup. Regroup. Think. I told myself.

"Ah!" I said.

"What?" Viv asked.

"She will go to a neighbour."

"Are you sure??"

"Yep. She's an Indian Mom. They do that. I'm telling you. She will pakka go to a neighbour!"

I was confident, even though I had just had this conversation with her a few days ago.

Mom - So who lives here?
Me - Dunno.
Mom - And this side?
Me - Dunno.
Mom - And opposite?
Me - Dunno.
Mom - You don't know your neighbours??
Me - Um, no. It's different in Singapore. We don't really have the "Aunty, Mummy ne ek katori cheeni mangaayi hai." or "Bhabhiji, hum ek mahiney ke liye out of town ja rahe hain. Yeh rahi ghar ki chaabhiyan, zara nazar rakhiyega?"
Mom - So you have no interaction with your own neighbours??
Me - Yeeahh.. Not so much. If I went over and started talking to them about cheeni ki katori or chaabhiyan, I'd probably get dirty looks...

I don't know. Maybe it's me, maybe I've just become cynical, but the vibrant 'neighbour culture' in India, is truly found only in India. It's not like I have not made an effort, but things here are more formal and people don't 'haq se' impose themselves on their neighbours the way they do in India. And that's how I have adapted myself to live here.

Anyway, so back to my story and how it ended -- Mom called Viv about 15 minutes later. From some unknown number.

Not only had she found a willing-to-help neighbour, she had found a happy-to-help Indian neighbor.

Jai ho, Mom!

A household name

Okay, someone just introduced herself to me with a "My name is Sheela." and I just gaped at her for five seconds, not knowing what to say. All I can say is that it took an immense amount of self-control not to say the next few lines, complete with the clapping hands dance movement.

Guess that's one more name that will be struck off the new editions of baby name books, along with Munni.

Sibling revelry

My sister and I are on google video chat this morning, and she grins and asks, "So how did you celebrate Valentine's Day?"

"Did you just say - celebrate Valentine's Day???" I asked.

We looked at each other, there was a 2-second pause, and then both of us burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Sometimes there's nothing as heartening as two sisters sharing the exact same sentiment about something. :)

Come again?

So I was flipping through the channels when Viv asked me to stop at one. The song 'Bahara' from 'I Hate Luv Storys' was playing. The song makes me cringe (not as much as the way the word 'stories' has been spelt in the title, or the movie itself, or Sonam Kapoor, but it still makes me cringe for some reason).

"Eeeee. This one? I hate this song!" I said.

"WHAT?! I love it!" He said, shocked.

"I don't understand it. What is "Bahara bahara... hua dil pehli baar ve"?? Is something missing? What does she mean "Dil bahara hua?" What does bahara mean anyway??"

"You don't know what bahara means?????" He looked really shocked this time.

"Erm, no... I know 'bahaar' is spring. What is bahara???" I said, a little embarrassed, because I am always making fun of his knowledge of Hindi lyrics and their meaning.

"Bahara," he said slowly and solemnly, as if he was explaining something to a small child, "means 'come out'."

Count on me

Me (on the phone with my niece who is four and a half) - Hi Aishu! Your mom says you have picked up some Spanish from your Dora DVDs??

Aish - Yes!

Me - That's great! Can you count from 1 to 10?

So Aish counts to 10 in Spanish. I don't know if it's correct but it sure sounds impressive.

The next day...

Aish - Mausi!!

Me - Yes, baby!

Aish - Yi, er, san!

Whoa. Did she just say 1-2-3 in Chinese???? I can hear my sister laughing in the background.

Me - Wow, Aishu!!! Now you're learning Chinese!!!! Can you count to 10?

Aish - I can count to 3. Yi, er, san!

Me - Okay, let me teach you how to count to 5, ok? Yi, er, san, si, wu!

Aish - Yi, er, san, si, wu!

Me - Very good! If you remember this tomorrow, I'll teach you how to count till 10, ok?

The next day...

Aish - Mausi... Yi, er, san...

Me - What's next?

Aish - Hmmm...

Me - Si, wu!

Aish - Yi, er, san, wu, si!

Me - Uh oh! It's yi, er, san, si, wu!

Aish - Yi, er, san, si, wu!

Me - Very good!

Aish - And how do I count to 10?

Me - Try and remember 1 to 5 first, and then I'll teach you how to count to 10. Ok?

Aish - Hmm... why don't you just email it to me?

Me - !!

All in a day's work

So Viv and I had been doing some housekeeping on old files and folders, and we couldn't finish it over one weekend. Some of the folders that he was supposed to sort were on the floor and they stayed there the whole week.

On Friday, I finally lost it and said, "Viv, when are you going to clear these folders off the floor? They have been there all week yaar!"

"Arre, tomorrow is Saturday na..." He said.

"Hmmm... ok. Thanks." I said gratefully.

10 seconds later...

"Hehehehehe..."

"What hehehehe??" I asked.

"Fooled you! I didn't say I'll clear the folders tomorrow. I was just telling you what day it is tomorrow." He grinned.

:|

***

Happy anniversary, you dhakkan. May the madness never end! :)

Have a Bolly good time III

Okie dok, so here's the third of the Bollywood A to Z quizzes. The theme for this one is sibling rivalry, which actually makes the quiz relatively easy to crack. See if you can identify A to Z?

A and B are siblings who have starred in a couple of movies together, though A is obviously more successful than B. B is married to C who has also appeared in many movies, though never as a lead. C's sibling D has played in the lead, but has failed to make the impact that C has. D's best friend E has also made a successful career in Bollywood and is the pioneer of a recent and much-aped body-related trend. E's sibling also did well in the industry, even winning a national award for the movie F. F was directed by G, who worked for his sibling H in his early days in Bollywood. G has won multiple awards and there is even a lake named unofficially after him. G's kids I and J are also part of the industry, albeit in different fields. I has made a mark while J is still struggling (and has probably given up by now). J's debut movie was K, which was also the debut movie of L. L's career did not really take off but sibling M is a successful star, and has even made some waves abroad. L also tried out television but did not meet any success. The same television show also featured N in another season. N's Bollywood career never really took off, but the name N features amongst Bollywood's top MMS scandals. N's sibling O made a sensational debut in the movie P directed by Q. Q's sibling R also happens to work in Bollywood, though in a different line. P featured a popular dance number choreographed by the very successful S, whose sibling T is associated with comedy movies. The first movie S choreographed in was U, featuring V in the lead. V's sibling also featured in a few movies alongside his brother, and even tried his hand at a leading role, but without success. V acted in a ground-breaking movie directed by W whose sibling X is also a filmmaker. X's last movie Y with W in the lead, featured Z in a cameo. To close the loop, Z is so not friends with A anymore.

The birds and the nerds

Me - Hmmm... so these birds are supposed to be... umm... angry?

Viv - Yup.

Me - Because the pigs stole their eggs?

Viv - Yup.

Me - The pigs stole their eggs??

Viv - Yup.

Me - And they launch themselves off a slingshot to hit the pigs?

Viv - Yup.

Me - And most of them just die and then they explode?

Viv - Yup.

Me - And yet, they're so eager to die, the second in line is already jumping up and down waiting for its turn on the slingshot?

Viv - Yup.

Me - And some of these pigs wear... umm... helmets?

Viv - Yup.

Me - And you don't find any of this ridiculous???

Viv - Try it.

Ooooh. Dangerous dangerous words. Bad bad idea.

Now I am addicted. :|

And the biggest side-effect?

Like Viv says (and I fully agree), every time you see a bird anywhere, you wonder if it's angry.

Random review: No one killed Jessica

Ah. First Hindi movie of the year in the theatre. I didn't want it to be a serious one, but I did want to catch 'No one killed Jessica' just because Raj Kumar Gupta's first movie 'Aamir' was just so mind-blowingly awesome. So, there we were, the usual trio of Pizzadude, Viv and me at Jade yesterday. And here, as usual, are my random thoughts about the movie:

• I always wondered why the movie was titled 'No one killed Jessica'. Why didn't they pick a Hindi title, or simply 'Jessica' (to follow 'Aamir')? Then I read that after the accused got off scot-free to everyone's shock, newspapers reported the news with the headline 'No one killed Jessica' to show the irony. Hmmm. Interesting and creative. Now I really like the title.
  
  
• Most reviews I read have raved about Vidya Balan's restrained performance in the movie. I, however, felt that perhaps it was a bit too restrained. My image of Sabrina Lall was of a fiery, spirited, brave and relentless woman who never gave up, even though it took her years to get justice. Vidya's character, however, seemed kind of passive and boring. I read that Vidya never met Sabrina, maybe she should have?
  
  
• It was refreshing to see Rani Mukherjee get away from the mould and try her hand at playing such an interesting character. I thought she pulled off the fearless, swear-word-spouting reporter role quite well, even though it's not her home territory.
  
  
• Rani looked thinner than usual in the movie. But when she went on Bigg Boss to promote the movie, she looked her plump self.
  
  
• Speaking of Bigg Boss, did anyone catch that episode? Salman invited Raj Kumar Gupta on stage and said, "Aapne Aamir banayi, bahut achhi thi. Ab Salman kab bana rahe ho?" Hey bhagwaaaaaaaan. Like one of my friends said, Sallu is so bad he's good.
  
  
• Speaking of interesting characters, the policeman played by Rajesh Sharma was amazingly written. Very intriguing.
  
  
• The actress Myra, who played Jessica, was hot and pretty at the same time. A rare combination. And she looks a lot like the real Jessica Lall.
  
  
• I kept wondering why they gave Vidya such dowdy clothes, and how come the two sisters in the movie looked and dressed so very differently. Until I saw pictures of the real life Sabrina Lall. Google her. You'll also go "Ah ok." like me.
  
  
• Okay I need to ask you this if you watched the movie in the theatre. Did everyone in the audience burst out laughing every time Monu's mother appeared on screen? We did! She was ridiculous!
  
  
• I wondered why they only kept the original names of Jessica and Sabrina and changed the others like Bina Ramani, Malini Ramani, Sayan Munshi and Ram Jethmalani (Shyam Tolani?? ROFL!). And Vikram Jai Singh doesn't even sound like a Bong name.
  
  
• Also, why didn't they stick to the original investigators Tehelka and Star News instead of giving all the credit to NDTV?
  
  
• The music is really nice, especially the song 'Yeh pal' by Shilpa Rao. She has such an awesome voice, I loved her 'Ek lau' in 'Aamir' too. Oh, don't listen to 'Dilli' too many times, you will get so addicted it will drive you nuts.
  
  
• Loved the guys who played APJ Abdul Kalam and Manmohan Singh. The heads (no pun intended) were spot-on!
  
  
• The dialogue was really good. I liked this one in particular. "Mujhe ek karod nahin chahiye they. Lekin mujhe ek goli bhi nahin khani thi." Though he became the laughing stock of everyone with his 'I don't know Hindi' statement, he did give us something to think about. What would we have done in his shoes?
  
  
• Overall, I hope the movie becomes a huge hit, not because it's better than 'Aamir' (it isn't), but because 'Aamir' didn't get its due and at least Raj Kumar Gupta should.