Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I've got it all worked out

Some time ago, I met two classmates from my Master's course in 2006, and both of them said they thought I would be the last person who would quit her job and stay at home for a baby. Yep, I have heard that before. My schoolmates too, are a bit surprised, that I chose to be home. Sometimes I am surprised myself. I was always fiercely ambitious; always working towards nailing that one-promotion-each-year target. But now I don't feel bad about having stayed at the same position ("Mommy") for more than a year now. I guess we change with time. 

Every now and then, I do think of when and whether to go back to the working world. I also wonder how the workforce would be when I do join back. Would I be able to return to a managerial post, or would I have to start from scratch again as an editorial assistant? Would I even be in publishing? If not publishing, where would I be?

And that's what made me come up with this list. The day I feel I'm ready to join the working world again, there is a whole host of industries and vocations I shall be highly suitable for, based on my Xena experience. Here they are, in no particular order:

Burglar - I would make a kickass burglar. You see, as a mother of a baby who wakes up for reasons such as "mommy breathed", I have now mastered stealth. When Xena is napping in her cot, I can slip in and out for whatever chore I have at hand, without making any sound at all. I think this will come in really handy if I wanna rob houses while the inhabitants are asleep. 

Night-watch person - Or I could take the alternative option, which is socially a little more responsible than burglary. My sleep has become so light and my ears have become so sharp that I can wake up if a hair on Xena's head moves. Of course, the fact that she wakes up at really weird hours also means that I am capable of staying up at any time of the night too. Jaagte raho!

Guinness book entrant - I can enter under many categories, but the first that comes to mind is 'fastest consumption of a meal while child is napping'. I have also had my hair pulled by Xena so much that it is now super strong. So I can also enter the contests where you pull a truck by your hair. 

Sheep-herder - When Xena is on the bed and I'm doing a chore, such as folding clothes, I have to keep an eye out that she doesn't go too close to the edge. Though she's adept at carefully climbing down, there's no telling where she will go once she's on the floor, so it's better for her to stay on the bed till I finish. So I have to use sheep-herding tactics to make her change her direction if she wanders off. These tactics include things like tossing the iPad to the middle of the bed to entice her into staying in a safe, central location.

Deep sea diver - I can really hold my breath. Like really. When Xena is sleeping and I need to go into the room and get something, you could have the world's best sensor in the room and it won't detect my breathing. There is no change in the O2-CO2 ratio in the room because of me. I treat the room like the sea. I take a deep breath outside and enter, and breathe out only after I have made my exit.

Cab driver - Some days, it's really really hard to put her to sleep. Like really hard. Like I-wanna-pull-my-hair-out hard. And what works? A cab ride! You put her in a moving cab and she drifts off to sleep almost instantly. To avoid cab expenses every night, I should just become a cab driver with a license that says I'm allowed to keep my baby in a baby seat at the back all the time. Fine print: Passengers may occasionally be handed a bottle and asked to feed the baby.

Subaru Impreza WRX challenge contestant - Ok, so the Subaru Impreza WRX challenge is an annual insane contest held in Singapore where contestants have to keep a hand on a car for as long as possible (day and night, with a 5-minute toilet break every 6 hours) and whoever keeps their hand on the car the longest, wins the car. If you remove your hand deliberately or accidentally, you're immediately eliminated. For the last few years, the winners have all managed to keep their hand on the car continuously for 60-80 hours! Nights are the more difficult part because your hand may slip down on its own if you're too sleepy. Now if you're a mother, you may have noticed that sometimes, your baby will only sleep as long as you keep patting her. Your hand goes off, she wakes up immediately. It's a skill to sleep while keeping a hand on the baby all night without it slipping off, and many mothers have mastered this skill. We would make great contestants for this challenge. 

Any other ideas you can think of? :) 



14 comments:

sundar said...

Really really interesting that becoming a 'momma' can open up so many new avenues in your career. ha.ha... Enjoy your motherdom. God bless Xena

Cinderella said...

I am a new mumma too... with a six months old baby doll to keep me on toes all the time. I could very well relate to all the arts that you have mastered ..and since i am not sure for how long I would be gng to my own job.. I think I'll excel in one of the described vocations. :)

Lovely post by a fun-loving mother :)

Bubblegum.... said...

Paparazzi photographer (Refer all Xena photos please for the reference!)!!! :P

You can be a comic book designer (Going serious!! :P)

And whats that, another similarity! She also sleeps while taking a ride in the cab? I still do so. Takes seconds for me to sleep when in the cab, train or auto! :P

nits said...

first of all... unclaimed gold...

now, other professions

Joker...

24x7 restaurant...

ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ/ Ashwini said...

Wow those were the top ones .. Great thoughts Sayesha...

mad hatter said...

speaking of sheep herding, you could be a catcher in the rye :)

Anita said...

Loved the deep sea diver & night watch person - completely agree with you.. :)
what abt composer and lyricist? i guess it is a trait that comes with the baby package :)

Sri said...

Could completely relate to you post..i was a topper all through school, college and professional course and when i took a break of 2 yrs to raise my daughter(i had a premature baby too) people couldnt believe it..i am back to work now and i am in the same position as before and drawing the same salary..it hurts sometimes but when i see my daughter's face, i forget all about it!!:)

central excise said...

Singer

central excise said...

juggler

Arun said...

War time correspondent.

The strong hair roots -I can only think of Rapunzel, so maybe a Disneyland employee?

Arun said...

The universal good name of motherhood comes from women like you.

Varsha said...

You already are doing good, writing books. :)

Sudeep said...

60-80 hrs really? Insane.

Burglar is a better one, coz climbing trees is already mastered by SSSK so it will be handy.