G is for Gajar ne kiya hai ishara

A long long time ago, this song from the 1989 movie Tridev was a popular choice when you needed a song starting with the letter 'ga' in antakshari.  Except that I used to think it was 'gazar' and never bothered to find out what 'gazar' meant. It was only now when I YouTubed the song and watched it in detail that I realised that the word is actualy 'gajar'!

So I googled and landed on this hilarious thread where people are trying to figure out what 'gajar' in this song could possibly mean. Some people jump in and very seriously state that 'gajar' means 'carrot'. I'm dying of laughter here because I am imagining a carrot making isharas.

Anyway, I googled 'gajar meaning' and got 'समय-समय पर बजनेवाला घंटा'. Finally the universe makes sense.

So many Hindi movies from the 80s had this cliched song sequence! The heroines are being forced to dance in the den of the villain Bhujang (Amrish Puri suffering from a Mogambo hangover). Strangely, it looks like the villain already had all the supplies for the ladies, including coordinated costumes, jewellery and make-up. And not only are they well-rehearsed, they even have a song ready that is exactly suited for the situation. The essence of the song, in every movie, is always, "Ok fine we will dance but wait till our marads get here and then you see how they whoop yo ass."


The gajar and the trideviyan start the performance.


Check out our three fully-decked Christmas trees.


Two tortured fathers have been jailed and now have to watch their little girls nacho in front of the kuttas.

Oh look, Guran from Lagaan was also there!


Omg what step is this? How they didn't die laughing when shooting this song is beyond me.

Has anyone here actually watched the movie? The story is so convoluted that I just tried to recap it on Wiki and now my head hurts a little bit.

It's also one of those movies where young police officers were known just by their first names ("Inspector Karan"), while their bosses had names like "Commissioner Mathur".


The marads are in a jail at a different location and they stage a fight to escape.


Check out the urgency on the faces of the Hindustani police. Arre aisi urgency useful kaamon mein dikhao.


To be fair, the policemen are also extremely fair. If three jailbirds are trying to escape, they will be attacked by no more than three policemen at a time. Only when said policemen are horizontal will the next set of three come forward.


They are literally singing "Yeh din aakhri hai tumhara" ("It's your last day on earth.") to his face, but look how happy Amrish Puri is.

Omg I feel like watching this movie now!

Enjoy!

F is for From Chandni Chowk to China

I have a vague memory of not being able to force myself to finish watching the 2009 movie From Chandni Chowk to China, but I've been told that I did myself a favour.

This is how Wikipedia describes the movie — "The film revolves around a vegetable cutter from Chandni Chowk in Delhi who finds himself on an adventure in China after the residents of an oppressed village deem him to be the reincarnation of a slain Chinese revolutionary." Fortunately for me, I remember nothing much of the movie but I imagine it to be a racist version of Kung Fu Panda.


The movie's title song shows several hapless Asian guys at the back, led by a braid-flaunting Akshay Kumar.

The lyrics go something like this:

From Chandni Chowk to China
Jaane kaun hoon samajh aaye na


Doesn't Akshay Kumar's enthu dancing remind you of his moves from Bholi bhaali ladki? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're too young for this post.


How is slipping on a banana peel still a thing in movies? How?!


Enter Deepika. She's supposed to be Indian-Chinese. With an evil twin sister. Called Meow Meow.

Her lyrics go like this:

From Chandni Chowk to China
Dekha kabhi hai tuney aaina?



Ranvir Shorey plays a conman. Called Chopstick.


Were they really supposed to throw three of those things at him, or was it a mistake and they just decided it was not worth a retake?


Now I understand why cheongsams have such deep slits. These moves wouldn't be possible otherwise.


Just when you think you know what the song is all about...


... they introduce time travel!

(To be fair, this is all part of a dream sequence. One man's dream is full junta's nightmare.)

Now some interesting trivia: This was Warner Bros. Pictures' first Hindi film. It was the third highest-grossing film of the year at the Indian Box Office. Wow.

Now let's read some reviews of the film by non-Indians:

The Philadelphia Inquirer - "Chandni Chowk is entertainingly goofy for about 30 minutes. And then, for the next two hours-plus, it's agony."
The Onion - "crass, schizophrenic, culturally insensitive, horribly paced, and shameless in its pandering to the lowest common denominator"
Entertainment Weekly - "This galumphing elephant of a chopsocky revenge-of-the-nerd quasi-musical lacks the lyrical choreographic beauty that has marked such stateside Bollywood releases as the gorgeous Lagaan". (OMG did Shashi Tharoor write this??)

Dekh lo.

E is for Ek din kahin hum do mile

"This was shot near Mala Towers!" I must have heard this from Viv more than a dozen times.

He spent a few of his childhood years in Bombay and apparently there was some sort of a bridge near his building Mala Towers, where they shot many Bollywood movies and music videos.

I always go "Grrrr..." when he mentions Mala Towers. Mainly because I have no Mala Towers in my life. I grew up in too many places because of Dad's job, many of them primarily in Bihar/Jharkhand where no one shot movies and music videos. They just shot one another. (I was once in a bus that got shot at by highway robbers. A bullet grazed the driver's forehead but he just kept on driving with blood dripping down his face. What a dude. As filmi as it sounds, it's a true story.)

So yes, I have no Mala Towers in my life. The one place that I finally found stability in was Singapore when I moved here 20 years ago. Singapore is my home and my Mala Towers. So there!

And that is why I'm always very curious about any Hindi movies that are shot here. And quite a few are. Usually, they are complete disasters but it's always fun to see how they portray my city.

The 1997 movie Aur Pyaar Ho Gaya is an example. I did not actually watch the movie, but from what I read, they shot it in Singapore but tried to pass it off as Switzerland. I was SO offended. Singapore is NOT Diet Switzerland! Singapore is not Budget Switzerland. Singapore is Singapore and it's awesome on its own. Grrrr!

Anyway, the song starts with Bobby Deol (what a cutie he was when he debuted!) flipping open a magazine and the first page features Aishwarya and a horse and the words 'UNUSUAL GIFT'. And that's it. There is no product name, no logo, no context. We don't even know if she's the gift or the ghoda is the gift.


After mulling over the 'ad' for some time, I have concluded that she is a dulhan and the dulha went absconding so she decided to drop the baraat ki ghodi home.


And then starts Bobby Deol's dance. I've always been fascinated by his dancing. As I mentioned in this post, when Bobby Deol is dancing, I can never make up my mind about whether he's really good or really bad. All I know is that I can't look away.


No, seriously. Just look at him go.


Oh, look! He was taking selfies way before they even existed!

Coming up next is our famous Fountain of Wealth as the backdrop. It is the ugliest waterfall in the world, but because it's also the largest, every producer wants to feature it in his/her movie and Singaporeans can't understand why.


I've heard that waterfalls can make you wanna pee, and Bobby proves that it's true.


This makes me mad. This is Raffles Place. This is our CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT. YOU SIMPLY DO NOT DRESS UP OR/AND DANCE LIKE THAT IN OUR CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT. EVEN IF YOU'RE MISS WORLD!


Gosh, this guy really needs to pee! Why can't he find a frikkin' toilet?? This is Singapore. We have public toilets everywhere and they are so clean that the first World Toilet Summit (yes, there is such a thing) was held here.


Will you just go and pee already?? Even the merlion looks aghast.


Pray who is the choreographer of this move?! Stab-stab-pose-bum-bum-gun and Bob(by)'s your uncle!

Enjoy!

D is for Danger hai Laila

This is a sizzling song.

In case it wasn't obvious, here is some sizzling text to convince you.


Aap convince ho gaye ya main aur sizzle karoon?

Arre ek toh it's already difficult to take Daisy Shah seriously after Race 3. Then I find out she was in a 2013 movie called Bloody Isshq.


Oh look! This is where Priyanka Chopra got the inspiration for her wedding veil!


What on earth..?!

Salman Khan should stop some of his charity cases. He's being inhuman. To the audience.


The hero (?!) is so bored he's looking at his watch ki yeh tamasha kab khatam hoga.

But Miss Daisy is not done driving us nuts.

The amazing lyrics are yet to come.


Danger hai Laila
Majnu dil ka maila
Aaj kal hawa mein
Viral hai faila

(Side note: Urdu experts, shouldn't it be 'phaila' instead of 'faila'? Though the first four letters of their version do describe this song very well.)

But I shouldn't make fun of her song.

After all, her song is her song. None of my song.

C is for Chocolate, lime juice

In the year 1994, a phenomenal wedding video released.

It almost felt like a movie.

I admit it — I loved everything about Hum Aapke Hain Koun...! Salman, Madhuri, Mohnish Behl, Renuka Shahane, the full extended singing-dancing family, the naukar-chaakar, the kutta, everything! The only thing that bothered me a little bit was the title. Why was 'kaun' spelt as 'koun' (I think I hear it in SPB's voice) and why was there an exclamation mark at the end of the title? It's not a question — hum aapke hain koun? It's a reprimand — hum aapke hain koun!

The movie had some insanely popular chartbusters and I think even today I can sing all the mukhdas and antaras of every song from that movie. I got the audio cassette after watching the movie in the theatre. Which is why I felt extremely cheated when I heard the song 'Chocolate lime juice' on the cassette but had no recollection of it being in the movie at all.

It turns out that the soundtrack had a whopping 14 songs (though Wikipedia was quick to jump and remind me that "it is actually 15 if you count the sad version of Mujhse juda hokar". Okay fine. I thought the un-sad version sounded pretty sad by itself, no?) so maybe the Barjatyas sacrificed the chocolate song because the movie was getting to be approximately 376249723650834 hours long. 

The song starts off with Madhuri Dixit brushing her teeth. YUCK. Did I ever mention that the sight of a person brushing their teeth makes me gag, especially if they try to talk in between? I thought I was the only one but I have met others who have the exact same thing, so phew! Hollywood movies tend to have this A LOT — two characters brushing their teeth together in the bathroom and then both of them spitting into the washbasin with nary a rinse afterwards. BLEAAARGHHH!


Ok I think I might actually throw up now so let's move on to the next gif.


Please take a moment to appreciate the yellowness in her life — toothbrush, washbasin, door frames, photo frames, ribbon, furniture, table fan, clothes, towels, you name it, she has it in yellow.

She sings about how she's no longer interested in chocolate, lime juice, ice-cream and toffees because now there is a bwoy in her life.


To drive the point home about how much the gal used to like her desserts before said bwoy entered her life, there is a bigass poster at the back that you should totally check out

How one can diss chocolate like that or imply that it is age-related is beyond me. I've always had a fondness for chocolate, just that now it's moved on to the dark and bitter kind. Just like my mood when I stumble upon Bollywood remixes.


Here's how to instantly kill your goldfish — keep them in murky water and feed them 3294930274 times their body weight.


Awww, girl is in love. She keeps seeing him everywhere. But while seeing him like this is okay...


...seeing him like THIS is most definitely not. In the words of the inimitable Phoebe, "MY EYES! MY EYES!"


Hmmm... I wonder what colour roses he got for her that will totally go with ALL her outfits...


Lagta hai mata chadh gayi hai, for there is no other way to explain this behaviour.

Enjoy this sweet offering.

B is for Batata vada

No, I kid you not.

There is a song called 'Batata vada' from the 1987 movie Hifazat.  But it ain't no ordinary vada. Spiked it is, for that is the only way one can explain the behaviour of this vada-eating versatile couple.



Check out the mind-blowing lyrics. Anand Bakshi must have written this in a high state of hunger.

Batata vada, hey batata vada
Dil nahin dena tha, dena pada
Batata vada hey batata vada
Pyaar nahin karna tha, karna pada
Batata vada, batata vada


The overdressed naagin performs the naagin dance on a mountain, while the sapera shows some serious leg.


And then the batata vada makes it grand appearance!


Witness this amazing juggler who can juggle as many as ONE potato at once! (His assistant seems like a bit of a drama queen though.)


More leg from Anil Kapoor as he plays hopscotch over her, and there's a wardrobe malfunction right there... almost! Whoooooops!

(Side note: For a guy whose hairy chest is the stuff of legends, he has surprisingly smooth legs, doesn't he?)


And here's proof that the batata vada indeed had "special ingredients", for Mr. and Mrs. Aloo-walia seem quite high.


Best mid-air dance move EVER (okay maybe second best, if you consider these guys)


Cut to random temple scene. A giant potato randomly rolls over and they pop out from behind it and start dancing. Vad-a couple!


Oh! FIRE! Help! Summoning his quick-thinking brain, he effortlessly puts out the fire. By dousing it with a pot of... you guessed it — potatoes!


Speaking of extraordinary talent using potatoes, she is also quite the juggler. Who can juggle TWO potatoes at once!
PS: He still can't get over his legs.


Still on the topic of talent, check him out — he can play the violin without lifting a finger (or two).

It's raining batatas, yo.

But where do they get all the batatas, you ask?


Well, on weekends, they like to go fishing. And check out their catch!

Sit back, be a couch potato and enjoy this song!

A is for Aaja aaja, giu me a kiss

April blogathon is ON! Until very recently, I was in two minds whether I should do it or not. And then I went back and read some of the posts from last year and remembered how much I had enjoyed sourcing for the random songs and dissecting them. And suddenly, I was filled with renewed enthusiasm. So here goes!

***

Okay, so everyone from my generation (oh, how I hate and love that phrase) should know this song. The amazing lyrics from this 1991 movie Love go something like this:

Aaja aaja, giu me a kiss 
Na na na na, till I am a miss
Hona yehi kal bhi hai
Toh kyun bole abhi nahin abhi nahin
Kal piya hone toh de
Shaadi se pehle kabhi nahin kabhi nahin

Sallu and Revathi made such an unusual pair, didn't they? I still can't make up my mind about whether they were cute together or she looked too old for him (she's a year younger than him, btw). The movie was a remake of the Telugu blockbuster Prema, starring Venkatesh and Revathi.

So this giu and take song starts on a very weird note...


And because she says no, they immediately change and go for a jog at the beach so he can burn off his josh-e-jawaani.


Look at him, treadmilling it out just so she can stay ahead!

The song gets weirder and weirder...


Because she won't allow any hot stuff, he's got alternatives.

Then they decide to have a photoshoot...

... where they showcase Salman Khan's second-to-none chest hair. And also his legendary elbow.

And then things get damn weird... and gross!

Blearrrghhhh!

This disturbs me. Why Revathi agreed to do it disturbs me. Workplace harassment, that's what it is.

Then they get into a contest about who can get weirder about proclaiming their love.

Revathi, channeling her inner Monjulika vibes, obviously wins this round.

She also uses some eyeliner and gives him an instant makeover.

Years later, Arbaaz Khan would copy that look. 

This was also one of the signature SP Balasubramaniam - Salman Khan songs. At what point did we, as a nation, shrug our collective shoulders and accept SP's bhaari-bharkam voice on matchstick man Salman Khan? To the point that when someone else sang for him, we felt violated because it was just plain wrong. 

Giu it up, everybody, for Aaja aaja!

Catch-up #13

I know, I know. It's been ages since I last blogged.

I have been crazy busy.

I mean, I have always been crazy busy. I have loved keeping myself crazy busy. But this is another level altogether. I am crazy busy.

This is the first time in my career that I have been bringing work home and sleeping late and doing all the things that I have never done in 16 years and chided other people for doing. It's partly to do with the fact that I need to dash out from work at 5 pm so I can get to Xena's after-school studentcare to pick her up before they start charging me. (No, I'm not kidding. If parents are late, they treat the kids like parked cars that have overstayed their welcome and start charging late fees by the minute. I think it's a dollar a minute for the first 15 minutes and then two dollars a minute thereafter. Or something like that. No, I would not like to find out the exact details.)

So I spend all day in meetings and discussions and when it's time for me to get to my desk and look at some proofs or answer some emails, it's 5 pm. So now I gather all my proofs and dash out, and work on them after putting Xena to bed at night. I answer emails from the bus (but not for too long because I get motion-sick if I look at my phone for more than 2-3 minutes; it's a blessing actually).

But this is all temporary. At least that's what I am hoping. Once I find my groove, it will get better. A full-time job with strict time constraints is new to me and I'm still kinda finding my footing. On the brighter side, I'm loving being back in the office, in the thick of things, amidst all the action, so that's really awesome.

In other news, Xena turned 8 last weekend. I still cannot believe it. How can I have an 8-year-old? It's supposed to be the most obnoxious age, isn't it? Smart-mouth brats is what they all become at that age, don't they? I once had an 8-year-old watch me cut a heart-shaped cake and dryly remark, "That's not how you cut a heart-shaped cake." "I made this cake and I'll cut it exactly how I want to cut it." I told her. Seriously?! Hmmmph! I'll cut my cake with a hammer if I have to! (Hopefully not; I'm not that bad a baker.)

But it's true. From my experience with countless annoying 8-year-olds, it is the worst kid age. I'm really hoping that Xena skips the obnoxious stage. After all, she did completely skip the terrible twos and threenage. Oh well. Fingers crossed.

In other news, I bought myself a cool knee brace online which has helped me get back to skating with minimal pain. I have a few more skills and stunts left to pass before I graduate!

This is me trying my hand (feet?) at the most difficult level 5 skill (toe-heel transition).



I thought I was being such a badass, until my coach told me this is just step 1 of the skill. The full skill involves skating forward on one toe and one heel, spinning on the spot and continuing to skate on one toe and one heel, but backwards! This emoji sums up my feelings towards it very well. 

But I am trying hard, and if some day I am able to do it, I hope someone's around with a camera.

Continuing the sporty news, Viv has embarked on something very cool in our neighbourhood. He has started a girls' football club! Basically, it's for girls who want to play football but don't want to play with the boys because they are too rough. So now he's got a full paltan of girls aged 5-9 whom he coaches every Tuesday. (I get asked this all the time so I'll answer: yes, these are free sessions.) I hang around to help him because sometimes the group gets so big we have to split it up to do the drills. But frankly speaking, I'm quite useless when it comes to actual football knowledge or skills, so I let him do most of the work.

But I have to say that watching him and the girls gives me major Chak De vibes.

Except that this is him, the cool coach...

...And I suppose this is me, the sarkaari lady.

So Tuesday evenings have now become absolutely insane as both of us rush back from work/school, change, get Xena ready, pick up all the props and dash for the field. A friend of mine shared this picture the other day and I could NOT relate it to MORE. 

THIS.IS.ME.EVERY.TUESDAY.

But like I said before, it will get better. It's just a case of finding my groove. I will draw the line at this. I won't take up anything else at the moment. After all, April's coming and Viv's going to be away for his annual teerth yatra to the U.S. and I don't know how I'm going to get three dabbas (they are all for Xena, by the way) and one kid and myself ready and leave the house by 6:35 am without him to help me. So yes, I will not take on anything else for now.

But oh, there's just one little thing.

April is coming and with April comes... the A-Z blogging challenge.

 

Mommy rules

It was around 2 years ago that I came across the concept of 'mental load' when this comic strip by French cartoonist Emma was going viral. Something clicked into place. Mental load! That was it. There was such a thing as mental load. Suddenly things started making sense. Why, in spite of Viv being very particular about sharing all chores relating to the household or Xena, sometimes I felt exhausted, but not in a physical way.

I had taken on all of the mental load, you see.

Without us realising there was such a thing, there was no way I could split that with him. I viewed myself as the ultra-efficient manager of job, house, husband, and child. I had a plan, you see. Everyone knew what they had to do. It was all divided equally. Of course, I did all the thinking and planning, but that was not actual work now, was it?

It was. In a big way.

Like Emma says, "The mental load is almost completely borne by women. It's permanent and exhausting and invisible work."

So then I started to look at things a little differently. I realised that the fact that I LOVE planning and getting stuff done was sometimes getting in the way of my own sanity. When you have a kid around the house, it becomes infinitely more difficult to keep things tidy. You can give your husband or kid chores to do on an ad-hoc basis to help you, but what needs to be done is to be able to shift not just the physical chore itself, but some of the mental load as well. (See this.) Instead of telling Xena to refill the hand soap when I was busy, I needed to get her to do it whenever it was time to refill it. the last person to use up the last drop of soap refills it. That's it. But of course, that is not as straightforward as it seems. If soap-refilling became everyone's job, I would have no idea when it was time to buy the next batch of soap. Because I'm always the refiller, I have a clear idea of when to add it to the shopping list. And we would suddenly have a situation of no hand soap in the whole house!! You see what I mean? So it just seems like the easier path is to do it all myself... that of taking on the physical load (refilling the hand soap) and the mental load (remembering to add it to the shopping list). Now multiply this tiny example by ALL the 238748926589624085734 things that need to get done in a typical household. It's a lot more work than what you would associate with a typical works-half-day-from-home mother-of-one-kid who also happens to have 3827483947 hobbies. But I did it anyway. Because I was the girl who wanted to do everything, and did it. (Ooh, cool phrase for my epitaph!)

Last year, when I was in discussions with my publisher about taking up the full-time position, I had many many other things to consider. What would we do about breakfast? When would I go to the gym? How would I do laundry, considering I'd totally miss the sunlight hours? How would we keep the house tidy? I used to make an elaborate breakfast every day, a different item daily. And cook and pack two boxes for Xena's recess and snack break. And go to the gym before I started work. And do laundry and drying and folding and ironing almost every day. And when taking breaks from work, because I had no colleagues to chat with at the water cooler, I'd go around the house tidying up. Though we have generally taught Xena to be tidy, we have probably not done a great job at enforcing it. She may remember to put her uniform in the laundry hamper after school, but she would read books all over the house and I'd find a Tintin in pretty much every room. Sometimes I'd wait till she was back from school to get her to tidy up, but sometimes I'd just do it myself. After all, I was the one spending most of the time in the house and I needed it to be moderately tidy at least. I'd be amazed at how, in spite of my daily clearing up, every table in the house would disappear under stuff. Every single day. It didn't happen all that much when it was just Viv and me, but ballooned to crazy proportions once Xena was old enough to carry and leave stuff around. And doing all those things was no longer making me feel efficient; it was making me feel exhausted.

A lot of the time, I would sacrifice my me-time to do it. I'd think of catching a Koffee with Karan episode over lunch, but there'd be something that needed my attention more so I'd have a quick 5-minute lunch and get on with the task. I always told myself that I was only forgoing stupid Bollywood nonsense, but you know what? Sometimes you badly need some stupid Bollywood nonsense in your life. I know I do.

Once I signed the contract with my employer, I knew we had to start doing things differently. It might take a while to find a way to split the mental load equally, but with me being away at work all day, at least the random physical loads had to be readdressed. We had to learn to do things without being told to. Some things had to be a given, like putting things back from where you took them.

So I came up with two rules/resolutions for the family -- the 5% rule and the black box rule.

The 5% rule
The 5% rule involves completing each task 100%, and not leaving the first 5% (Mama, can you give me a glue stick for my craft project?) or/and the last 5% (putting the glue stick back in the craft drawer, where everyone knows it belongs). Or removing only enough dry laundry to make space for the exact load you're currently washing, but not removing the rest. Or folding all the clothes but leaving them folded on the bed. Or tackling a messy room but leaving some items on the floor because you didn't know where to put them. Or taking something from the wardrobe but not sliding the door back. I want to ask, "So who is supposed to do this last 5% and why can't/didn't you do it?" So according to the resolution, Viv and Xena now have to make sure that anything they do is done 100%. No, I will not be the one bringing them the tool and no, I will not be the one putting it back. When we renovated the house a few years ago, we Konmarie-d the hell out of it -- enough to make sure everything has a proper place that everyone is aware of.

The black box rule
The biggest hindrance to a tidy home is all the stuff that doesn't make its way back to its original resting place. So now I have a black box in the storeroom where anything not in its correct place will be put away and not returned for a week. If it's something unsuitable for the box (dirty clothes left on the chair, for example, will of course not be put in the black box (omg!) but something valuable to the offender (say, one Tintin comic for Xena) will be taken in lieu. And it's not just for Xena's stuff (though to be honest, it mainly is); she has also been given the right to 'black box' any of Mama's or Daddy's items that have not been put back in their correct place.

When I first introduced this, Viv was all up for it, but I did get some groans from Xena who, as I mentioned before, likes to keep one Tintin in each room of the house (for easy access?). So we gave her a grace period of 2 weeks where we would point out her black box candidates but not implement the rule. Last week, the grace period ended, and now I've fully gone into evil mode. The first day itself, I black-boxed 7 (let me say that again...  SEVEN!) Tintin books. I haven't seen an out-of-place Tintin book since then.

Let's see how these rules work out for us. I am giving all of us a year to reach the stage where we will not need these rules anymore because they would have become second nature to us. Fingers crossed.

And then maybe my epitaph phrase could be changed to 'The girl who did everything she wanted to.'

PS: Sharing Emma's comic strip once again, because that's how important it is. Whether you read my post or scrolled through, whether you're a guy or a girl, do read what she says about mental load. It will change you. 

Back to the mothership

So yes, I have gone ahead and done it.

I've joined the full-time workforce again.

After 8 years of working from home.

I'd made the decision to quit the corporate world in 2011 when all the complications with Xena's health began. To someone who was very ambitious and driven about climbing the corporate ladder, it was quite a shocker to consider a break like this that could possibly never end. But I knew it was the right thing to do, the only thing to do, and to this date I've not had a single regret about giving up my career for Xena. What I did know was that I needed to continue working, in whatever capacity, to retain my sanity during those dark and difficult days. Just something else to fill my head with other than my seriously sick kid. I am grateful that my publisher (my first employer) always had enough writing/editing/freelance projects to keep me busy. And all these years, they had also been patiently waiting for me to join them full-time, telling me every year that they will always have a place for me.

This year, I finally gave in. I'm back at the mothership, the company where I started my first real job. The job that gave me a chance to permanently lock up my engineering degree and do what -- in Marie Kondo's words -- sparks joy in me.

It was been such a strange experience going back to the same office building I left 12 years ago. So much has changed and so much is still the same. So many new faces and yet, so, so many familiar ones. Many editors have come and gone and come back and then gone back again, but some of the illustrators and designers are still there. They never left. It was so lovely to be greeted so warmly by all of them.

My ex-big-boss who's also my current big boss saw me working at my cubicle and said, "It's like you never left." I know exactly what she meant. It does feel like I never left. I merely moved into the cubicle adjacent to my old one. In fact, quite often, I find myself turning into the wrong lane, towards my old place! How can muscle memory still function after 12 years??

And then there's the emotional dinosaur part of me. The one that has preserved all the memorabilia from the good old days. I have an A-3 sized poster that my designers made by photoshopping my face over Priyanka Chopra's body in Krrish so I'm in (sheesh!) Hrithik Roshan's arms (they knew me as that crazy Bollywood fan so they thought this would make an apt card), a mock cover of my precious magazine (I worked on it from 2003 to 2018 till it ceased publication) with me as the queen bee and my team members as the other busy bees, and here's the most hilarious one -- a 'mass resignation letter' bearing the signature of 17 editors, which was presented to me when my team found out about my resignation. There's even a tiny footnote: 'If Management is reading this, it is just a joke. If Sayesha is reading this, it is for real.' And they had all tried to "jump off the building rooftop" if I left (I had blogged about it; there is a even silhouette picture of them on the rooftop!) The Krrish designer came by my desk today and you had to see how his jaw dropped when I showed him the poster he had designed all those years ago. At times, I feel so silly and foolish hanging on to these little things, but I am also happy that these precious little memories have a proper home now.

Quite a few things have changed greatly. The IT lady came over to 'set up my computer' and she was armed with a MacBook Air "I won't get a desktop?" I asked. She gave me a funny look. I have never in my entire working life, worked using a laptop. So it has been rather strange getting used to it. And there are so many systems and databases and spreadsheets to learn about. But I have to say it's exhilarating to be back in the thick of business decisions.

Another big change is the sheer number of people in my life right now. I'm not used to having so many adults in my everyday life, and boy, is it a welcome change! All these years, it had been me+comp for the first half of the day, and me+Xena for the second. This sudden swarm of adults around me is exciting and sometimes scary at the same time. But I have to say it is nice to dress up in my formals (just a few weeks ago, I was looking at them and wondering if I should Konmari them away) and take the bus to work and spend the day working on stuff I'm passionate about and go for lunch with colleagues (OMG colleagues -- I have real, human colleagues!!) and then end the work day and really end it (well, so far), unlike my freelance days where I would work every minute that Xena was away (at school, sleeping, art class, etc.) so that I could be fully there for all her awake moments.

Come to think of it, everything has really gone according to the new plan. *touchwood* I wanted to give Xena all my time during her early years and then get back to a full-time career once I was assured that she would be okay. So far so good. She seems to understand that this is important to me and has been very supportive.

Because I had waited so long for this and sincerely paid my dues, I bounce into the office every morning like an excited fresh graduate and not someone who's worked in the industry for 16 years. The jaded folks at the office must really be wondering what's wrong with me. Especially since I have to wake up at 5:45 am so I can make and pack Xena's recess and snack boxes and send her off in time for me to catch the 6:45 am bus to work. (Yes, I literally watch the sunrise every morning... from the bus!) I've made my work hours start really early so I can pick her up from studentcare as early as possible so we still have some time to play and share about how our day went.

My schedule is a bit bonkers at the moment as I try to get used to this new development, and I'm hoping that things will be smoother soon. I still want to make time and do all the things that I don't want to stop doing, like reading and cooking and baking and gymming and... blogging!

Wish me luck (and please pardon any typos or grammatical errors -- this post was written in a I'm-kinda-sleep-deprived-but-I-wanna-blog-now state)!