Thursday, July 29, 2010

In search of the truth - II

As I mentioned in this post, yup, it's indeed going to be a regular feature. Here's the July list of keywords people were searching for when they landed at the bar. I have, of course, compiled the 'best' ones, and by 'best' I obviously mean the most random/funny/weird/disturbing ones.
  • tumhari shawl
  • funny dumb charade ideas
  • aamir chicken
  • meaning of shamme faroza
  • scratch that
  • tol mol ke bol dialogue
  • how much is the taipan dinner at PC karachi
  • helicopter accident of bihar jharkhand leaders
  • agar tu mera acha chahti hai to mujhe jaane de dialogue of wich film
  • remix sayad meri saadi ka khayal
  • bhaigiri lines
  • dhoni fiancee sakshi singh picture
  • the saris on indian tv serials
  • Chad gaya upar re atariya meaning
  • how many uncles does lily have sayesha
  • Muhaaaa t-shirt
  • Na ma na signal dekha na tu na signal dekha accident ho gaya o permanent ho gaya Rabba Rabba
  • Manjeshwar lovely girls
  • madhuri duplicate farheen
  • sayesha rocks
  • sayesha dhakkan
  • clerk gunda jaani dushman
  • baingan bharta kids
  • hota hai hota hai ab hum jaake sota hai
  • warning
  • tumhara naam simran hai dialog
  • blogs I might enjoy
  • rohit mian
  • zindagi hai behne
  • samosa recipes indian video in hindi for sanjiv kumar
  • frand ship
  • horlicks based mocktails
  • hasti rahe tu hasti rahe translation
  • manaofy
  • you could've gone places "i am going places" swades
  • khoka peti
  • sexy kahaniii
  • tamil dirty
  • cuttack ka maal
  • dude meaning in tamil
  • who put the goat in there
  • dialogue of bhaigiri
  • baigan bhartha after peeling brinjal
  • soni de nakhre lyrics kaindi
  • sayesha frand
  • fardeen khan on crutches
  • ab game main hi khelunga aur patte
  • timbacktoo
  • cool things to write on a goodbye card
  • kabir ke dohe non veg
  • Tu premi aha main premi aha tu raazi aha tu raazi aha
  • salaam namaste ghost of the foot's not listening to the talks

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Pa-nick attack

You know how some annoying seniors give you a horrible nickname in school or university which just sticks and everyone starts calling you that to the point that many people actually never find out your real name? Well, I found myself in a similar situation recently.

I was at the wedding dinner of a junior from university where I met several other juniors. One of them came over to say hi and introduced his fiancée to me. (I still can't imagine these 'kids I had ragged ten years ago' having fiancées and wives. To me they will always be the clueless bacha party, even though some of them actually have a bacha party of their own.)

He then leaned over and whispered something to her, pointing at me.

"What did you tell her?" I asked rather shamelessly.

"Oh, I just told her that you're the one who had given me the nickname 'Jagga' in university."

Oh gosh! Of course. I remembered it vividly. I'd asked him his name on the first day of ragging and he had told me. "Well, no. Today onwards you're Jagga, ok?" I'd said to him. He couldn't protest. It was Day 1 for him, and I was two years his senior. And he remained Jagga to everyone through all his years of university, many of them totally unaware of his real name.

Oh gosh! How he must have hated me! Jagga?? Sheesh. What was I thinking?? How glad I was that the whole thing was ten years behind us! Ten years is a long time. All was well.

But it's always safe to check.

"But no one calls you Jagga anymore, right? Hehehe..." I asked, grinning nervously.

"Well... actually... everyone still does." He said.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Exchange of words

Pre-script - Before I get to the post, I need to go into a totally unrelated subject and apologise. Okay, basically whenever I get a friend request on Facebook and the name seems unfamiliar, I straightaway hit 'ignore'. (Could be a result of my terrible Orkut experience -- too many people wanting to do frand shib with honest and lovely total stranger you see). Recently, I saw an email alert from FB about a friendship request from a person called D who had also appended a message to tell me she was a purani bewdi from the bar. Thing is, I had probably already ignored all friend requests on FB and the link in the email alert also did not let me go to D's profile. It just took me to the 'Confirm requests' page and she's not there anymore. I searched for her name and there were two and I sent an email to the first one and she ignored me. Haha! Basically, I would like to send a big apology to D and any other bewdas/bewdis whom I may have ignored on FB.


Okay, now let's get to today's post.

So this happened when 'Hothon se chhoo lo tum' was playing on the radio while I was cooking. I know almost all oldies by heart so I started singing along. When I came to this part:

Na umra ki seema ho
Na janma ka ho bandhan
Jab pyaar karey koi
Toh dekhe kewal mann

I knew the lyrics, I heard it right, but I had a strong evil desire to sing:

Na umra ki seema ho
Na janma ka ho bandhan
Jab pyaar karey koi
Toh dekhe kewal dhan!

This reminded me of the time Viv and I used to be obsessed with this song from Drona:

Teri bandgi
Jeena na de
Teri bandgi
Jeene na de

One saturday I woke up to find that Viv had opened his cricket kit (which is so big it can fit a grown man) and spread out all his mud-splattered cricket stuff in the middle of the dining room! I was so annoyed at the dirty mess I told him I wanted to sing this:

Teri gandgi
Jeena na de
Teri gandgi
Jeene na de

Do you have any songs in mind where you substitute one word with another (rhyming) word on purpose, because it completely changes the meaning of the song, and yet makes perfect sense (albeit in a twisted manner)?

Monday, July 19, 2010

The parent trap

Okay I am going to behave like one of those annoying women in those annoying teleshopping channels who hold up the WonderMop or some such thing, show their annoyingly dazzling teeth and say, "This works! Like magic!"

I am going to hold up this post, give it a little shake to get your attention, and then with a dazzling smile declare, "This works! Like magic!"


Well, I just got an email from my Dad that made me almost fall off my chair.

"We're thinking of visiting you in September..." it said.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Raising the bar(ah)

18 July 2010.

This song marks the completion of my 12th year in Singapore.

Chhota sa yeh island hai
Baju mein Malaysia Thailand hai
Bhai toh surrendered wholly hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Winter hai na spring hai
Bas suryadev hi king hai
Aur baarish humjoli hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Chaar bhasha mein sign hai
Har cheez pe tagda fine hai
Apun dil mein hi manata holi hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Padosi kaun hai pata nahin
Pan isme kisi ki khata nahin
Koi bole na apni boli hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Aisa anokha nation hai
Apun ka love-hate ka relation hai
Rishta bana yeh slowly hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Going green?

Them - "What else?"

Me - "Nothing much. When are you coming here?"

I cannot remember how many times I have had this exact exchange with my parents. These words are uttered without fail towards the end of every single phone conversation with them. Bole toh sabko dialogue by heart ho gaya hai.

And my "When are you coming here?" is inevitably followed by the hazaar bahanas they supply, ranging from visa-jhanjhat-problem to workers-are-laying-the-roof-on-the-new-house-problem to no-direct-flight-to-Singapore-problem to more creative ones such as Dad's "But what about my garden? My pumpkins will get stolen!" to Mom's "I can come but who will take care of your Dad?" (Well, I can't really blame her, He is like a child sometimes. Once she left him to arrange for his own lunch and came back to find out that he'd had a litre of milk. Yes, a litre of milk. For lunch. Sheesh. My dad, ladies and gentlemen.)

And oh oh oh, the most annoying excuse they have? "Arre wahan jaakar hum kya karenge?" ("What will we go and do there?") Aaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!!

The in-laws are leaving next week and it's now time for me to try once again to get the other set of parents over before the end of the year. It has been quite futile so far (in my 12 years in Singapore, they have bestowed upon me a grand total of two visits) so I figured I had to change my strategy. Instead of repeating the above dialogues for the zillionth time, I decided to go the ahem, 'green way'.

So in a landmark conversation last week, this is what happened after the usual exchange of news:

Them - "What else?"

Me - "Nothing much. Ooh Amma and I are making matar paneer."

Mom - "Oh...."

Dad - "Matar paneer? Arre wah!"

Me - "Yep. We just got back from shopping. Got some awesome stuff."

Mom - "And I suppose you made your usual masala chai for your Amma and your Appa and had it together?" (She knows my in-laws love my masala chai.)

Me - "Of course!" (It was a lie. We hadn't had chai that day.)

Dad - "Ok... what else have you been doing?"

Me - "Oh, just going shopping and watching movies and going to the beach and cooking new dishes together..."

Mom - "You're all having a lot of fun, isn't it?"

Me (casual tone) - Yeah.

Mom - Hmmm... what else?

Me - Nothing much.

Mom - Nothing?

Me - Yeah. Nothing.

Mom - Hmm... Ok...

Me - Ok. Gotta go. Bye.


Now I wait and watch. Muahahaha! :D

Arz kiya hai...

Poochhne se kya milega, woh toh bas bhaav khaate hain
Bhaav dena toh band karo, phir dekho kaise aate hain.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Waxing lyrical

I have never really followed Indian Idol the way I am following season 5. On Youtube, of course. One of my weekend rituals is to catch up on the proceedings and obviously, hurl abuses at Tia (Guys, will you please just stop voting for her?!).

I am rooting for Sreeram, because of three reasons:

Reasonable reason: He sings very well.
Reasonably reasonable reason: He has a very nice smile.
Unreasonable reason: I have a thing for South Indian guys who speak perfect Hindi (Don't tell Viv I married him for that!)

Jai Sreeram!

Sreeram had always rocked every episode (see his rendition of Breathless and also Khwaja mere khwaja that almost made Sanju Baba cry) but I became an out and out Sreeram fan when after he sang 'Dilbar mere' (video below; see if it doesn't give you goosebumps. Yes, the guys too).

Anyway, I digress. Even though I have been going on and on about him, this post is not about Sreeram, it's about the song. Since I heard him sing this song, I have been obsessed with it and play it on loop all day long and also loudly on the road (when it is sunsaan). I had mentioned in my Facebook status about how well he sang the part 'Main aag dil mein laga doonga woh, ki pal mein pighal jaaoge' and how I am totally pighlo'ed, when a friend reminded me of other lines in the antara like 'Sochoge jab mere baare mein tanhaaiyon mein' which are again super pighlao-material. The lyrics in such songs really do get to you, unlike today's 'Kaindi ponn ponn ponn'.

I started to think of other such songs with lyrics the hero croons with a form of desirable arrogance, which have a tendency to make girls go weak in the knees. Only two came to mind -- 'Is tarah aashiqui ka' from Imtihaan and 'Main yahaan hoon' from Veer-Zaara.

Do you have any such songs in mind? :)

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Gen(e)iuses at work

Every time Viv does something strange and I point it out, he tries to push the blame to his genes.

"I know, my Dad does this too." He would shrug his shoulders and say. I didn't believe him at all.

Okay, now sample this.

A few months ago, we were walking around in San Francisco when I saw a group of people travelling on the road on strange-looking vehicles. Call me ignorant but I did not know what that was.

"What's that?" I asked Viv.

"Segway tour."

"Huh? What's that?"

"Segway tour."

"Ughh... But what is a Segway tour???"

"Segway..." He said slowly, paused and looked at me, as if that was explanation enough, and then concluded with "tour!"

And he continued walking leaving me gaping at him in the middle of the road.

So we had an argument about my lack of knowledge about Segway tours and his lack of erm, vocabulary. And I won and it concluded with him saying, "Hmmm... actually my dad does this too."

Fast-forward to the present.

We were thinking of suitable touristy activities for the in-laws who have been to Singapore so many times they have already seen the usual stuff.

"Oooh I know! Why don't you try the reverse bungee this time???" I suggested.

"What's that?" My Mom-in-law asked.

Before I could open my mouth, Dad-in-law had spoken.

"Reverse bungee." He said.

"Huh? What's that?"

"Reverse bungee." He said.

"Ughh... But what is reverse bungee???" She asked.

"Reverse..." He said slowly, paused and looked at her, as if that was explanation enough, and then concluded with "bungee!"

Mom-in-law and I looked at each other and shook our heads, united in our agony.

I feel your pain, sistah.