Wednesday, September 09, 2015

No rhyme or reason

So birthday bwoy Viv has gone on his annual September work trip to Amsterdamn.

I spell it thus because these trips are always hell for me. It's like the moment he boards the plane, my generally compliant, lovely, well-behaved, amazing child turns into a monster I cannot recognise. She refuses to wake up in time for school, takes approx 3786873643 minutes to finish a cup of milk and then about 23846329846 more minutes trying to decide which socks to wear. And I'm in a real rush in the mornings because I need to drop her, get back, make and have breakfast, go to the gym, shower, do my freelance work, have lunch, and set off again to pick her up.

Her pre-nap milk, the early evening fruit snack, and dinner are usually a big struggle too. It's not like she gobbles her food by herself when Viv is here, but with another person to share the load with, it's not as bad. At least we know we can toss her to the other person if we're close to losing it. So when he's away, it's TOTAL WAR. It's like she knows it's just her and me for two weeks and wants to make it as 'interesting' as possible.

Tonight, I'd invited my sis-in-law Clueless for dinner (we had spicy egg curry, something she and I love and Viv doesn't, so it was the perfect menu item to have in his absence). After a particularly grueling dinner mainly because of Xena refusing to eat, it was time to brush her teeth and put her to bed. Both of us kissed her good night and were about to leave the room when she requested us for a 'song story'. I do that sometimes, just sing a story like a song and she enjoys it. But my sis-in-law, fondly nicknamed 'Tootooi' by Xena, had a better idea.

"Mama will sing one line of the story and I'll sing the next line." She said.

"Whaaaa....!" I was so not prepared for this at the end of a long, hard day.

But I agreed. 'Cos I am a poet, and I just know it.

So here's how it went. As you can see, at several points in the story, the lyrics (and we) went a little crazy. It's a mad, mad family, I tell you.

Me - Once upon a time, there was a little rabbit.
Tootooi - *thinking*
Me - Oh I know I know! (whispering to Tootooi) Poor little rabbit had a terrible drinking habit.
Tootooi and me - *fits of laughter*
Tootooi - Ok ok, I got it. He wouldn't eat his food on time, and that was a bad habit.
Me - One night, his mommy made a pot of chicken rice.
Tootooi - *thinking*
Me - Hey! I'm giving you words that are really easy to find rhyming words for!
Tootooi - I know I know!
Me - (whispering) Well, based on my experience with Xena... He took a bite, spat it out and said, "Not nice!"
Tootooi and me - *fits of laughter*
Tootooi - He took a bite of his food and said, "Not nice."
Me - "That's fine", said mommy. "Then no dinner for you tonight."
Tootooi - She tucked him in bed and said, "Good night, sleep tight".
Me - In the middle of the night, he heard a growling sound.
Xena (looking terrified and covering her ears) - Nooo....
Me - Err... nooo... it's fine, it's not scary, it's just his tummy!!
Tootooi - No no, don't worry, the story will have a happy ending!
Xena (still looking terrified) - No, I don't want this song story.
Tootooi - He woke up in the middle of the night, and he was hungry, he found.
Me - He woke up his mommy and said, "Can I have some food?"
Tootooi - Mommy said, "You didn't have your dinner, so too bad. No good."
Me - He went back to bed, but he was very sad.
Tootooi - And after a while, she was not so mad.
Me - She got him some rice...
Tootooi - What? Rice again??
Me - Ok fine. No rice. Mama made him a sandwich and put it on a plate.
Tootooi - She brought it to the rabbit and said, "I hope this will satiate!"
Tootooi and me - *fits of laughter*
Me - Knowing Xena, the next line should be this. She found him fast asleep, rolled her eyes and said, "Great!"
Tootooi and me - *fits of laughter*
Tootooi - He sat up in bed and ate and ate and ate.
Me - *thinking*
Tootooi - And he said, "Mommy, the sandwich was great."
Me - *thinking*
Tootooi - And she said, "Next time don't eat so late."
Tootooi and me - *fits of uncontrollable laughter*

Xena - *giving us the kiddy equivalent of a dirty look and totally regretting her decision to ask for a song story*