Z is for Zehreela zehreela pyaar

I'm so sorry to subject you to two Urmila songs one after the other, but there could not have been a more befitting end to the A-Z blogathon than this song from the 1997 Ram Gopal Varma movie Daud. In this movie, Sanjay Dutt and Urmila are on the run with a tiny briefcase that they think contains gold, but it actually contains a nuclear bomb. Yep, a nuclear bomb. In a briefcase.


The song starts off with Sanjay Dutt being followed in the middle of a jungle. Creepy vibes all around.


And then he spots the ghost. A sleeping ghost that lifts her ass a little too high with each breath.


Understandably, just like any normal human would do in the middle of a creepy jungle, he goes and touches the sleeping ghost. And very understandably, the sleeping ghost immediately breaks into a song about 'poisonous love'. This is already a toxic relationship for sure.


Urmila starts her usual RGV-heroine antics. Levitating bum and all, you know.

This jungle is amazing. It even has its own massage parlour.


Then they play Vikram aur Betaal for a while.


Can't quite tell who looks scarier.

Even the owl in the jungle seems creeped out by them.

Have a good fright!

Y is for Yeh khabar chhapwa do

My top choice for Y would have been 'Yara o yara' just for Sunny Paji and his out-of-order scooter. But the playback/giphy problem occured again so I had to bump that off and have this instead.

The song, from the 1997 movie Aflatoon, is a riot of colours.


Yellow yellow, dirty fellow


This is perfectly normal behaviour next to a railway track.


And this reminds me of pancakes that are flipped a little too late.


So literally everything on her is green. Even contact lenses. Matlab kuchh nahin bakhsha.


I dressed Xena up like this once because it was dress-up day at preschool and she wanted to be a tree.


Assault on the eyes


Ants in pants


And what step is this?!


I've always wondered what locals think about Bollywood actors who make complete asses of themselves when shooting abroad. Matlab seriously, kuchh bhi?

What to do -- we are like this wonly.

Enjoy!

X is for Mr. X

Okay, the letter for today is X so thoda cheating toh allowed hai.

Today's offering is the title song from the 2015 movie Mr. X, in which Emraan Hashmi plays an invisible vigilante. I can only imagine the discussions that led to this movie.

Emraan Hashmi - I don't want to do any more ghost movies.

Mukesh Bhatt - Errr...

Emraan Hashmi - And I'm sick of the serial kisser tag too. So no kissing either.

Mukesh Bhatt - Errr...

Emraan - I'm just very sick of doing the same old things. Let's please do something different. So no ghosts and no kissing. Okay?

Vikram Bhatt - OH. Great idea. How about you play a kissing ghost?

Emraan Hashmi - You got it.

Needless to say, the movie (which Vikram Bhatt insisted was not a copy of Hollow Man) tanked badly. Excerpts from some reviews:

Rajiv Masand: "a singularly humourless film"
Hindustan Times: "a bizarre tale of an invisible kisser"
Firstpost: "Emraan Hashmi, intelligence and talent, everything is invisible in the film".
Daily News and Analysis: "There's nothing to see, not even Emraan Hashmi."


So yeah, he's invisible. We got it.


This is him mouthing the lyrics of this bizarre song "You can call me X." while Jacqueline Fernandez Lite (aka Amyra Dastur) writhes around.


However bizarre it may be, the underwater kiss is not a new concept in Bollywood. But the underwater invisible kisser sure is!


Speaking of weird underwater behaviour, here is our heroine casually taking a bath in a bathtub, wearing all of Bappi da's jewellery.


Because why not.


Oooof so much happening in one gif, I don't know where to start the description.

Enjoy the title track of Mr. X.



PS: Apparently the "You can call me X" part of the song was sung by Mahesh Bhatt.
PPS: Apparently, the movie also stars Tanmay Bhat as Hashmi's friend Popo.
PPPS: Okay, I really think we should all watch this movie right away. 

W is for Why not Jimmy?

Okay, so my gif woes will not end. My first choice for W was this song called 'Why not Jimmy' from the 2008 movie Jimmy, starring Mithun Da's son Mahaaaaakshay Chakraborty (also known as Mimoh). But like what happened before, Shemaroo will not allow playback on other sites so I can't generate gifs. Normally, I'd just pick another song in a case like this and I did consider some options, including 'What is your style number?' but I couldn't do it.

'Why not Jimmy' is that amazing.

(Though I have to say I'm still wondering if it's supposed to be 'Why not Jimmy?' or 'Why not, Jimmy?')

Anyway, for this song, I decided to make do with screenshots instead of gifs. Though I'm heartbroken because the gifs would have been kickass. You'll know what I mean when you see the full video.



The song starts off with Mimoh trying to be Keanu Reeves from The Matrix.



Except that this Neo has only one fan backing him up -- literally. And that's daddy Mithun.


This reminds me a conditioner ad. With Mimoh showing the 'before'.


Let's take a closer look. Bad hair day for Mimoh? Or bad heir day for Mithun?

And now it's only fair that we also see some post-conditioner photos.


Aha.


Oho.


And oh, btw, he's also a dancer like daddy. In fact, when he dances, sparks fly. Off his shoes. Like, really.

All I can say at the end of this song is 'Why, Jimmy, why?'

Check it out.

V is for Vada pav

This is like a sequel to the Batata vada song.

This movie Daal mein kuchh kala hai is actually from 2012, but it has a very dated look. In fact, when I first saw the song, I thought it was a movie from the late 80s or early 90s.

This is the plot of the movie according to Wikipedia (warning: your head will hurt after reading this):

Daal Mein Kuch Kaala Hai is a tale of a budding actress (Veena Malik) who is over motivated to become a successful in Bollywood. The story starts with Mr. Dabu who is a middle aged man in his forties, a total loser absconded and is being left unaccompanied in life. All of a sudden he gets rich after hitting a roll-over prize of birthright, and then decides to walk off to this actress to share his destiny and his future in the company of her. The starlet gets surprised and shocked after witnessing so much of wealth with him in cash. She initially agrees what his boyfriend had planned out to con Mr. Dabu, but is totally puzzled on what to carry out. They both sooner or later travel to the mysterious island, which is further followed by her boyfriend and a couple of unknown friends. The entire journey is filled with full humor, enjoyment and entertainment.


Aside from vada pav, the song also features some other highlights.


You know how some Bollywood movies have hero ka duplicate? This song has duplicate ka bhi duplicate. Check out "Anil Kapoor".


OMG. Bhai is going to have a fit if he sees this. And the guy on the right looks like Nawaz's duplicate (or maybe Nawaz himself before he became a superstar?) but I'm not too sure.


And here comes "Mr. Bachchan". Parampara, pratishtha aur pav.


And who is this supposed to be?!! Govinda????!!!! Chichi has become chhee chhee!

The worst part about this song? It has made me crave vada pav. At 10:13 pm.



PS: Oh, Judwaa 2 also has a song called 'Vada pav' that goes something like 'Pav mein vada, vada mein pav, chutney laga ke sabko khilao, maza nai aaya toh bhaad mein jao'.

U is for Ui amma ui amma

This is kinda sad. My original choice for U was 'Ulfat Ulfat' from Nanhe Jaisalmer. It's a song in which Bobby Deol (who plays actor Bobby Deol) is dancing badly to Himesh singing badly. In other words, a total treat for Bolly fans. Last night, giphy.com wouldn't load so I couldn't do the post and today when giphy is loading, it tells me that Eros will not allow playback on giphy so I can't generate  the gifs.

Sigh.

So I have no choice but to use another song, which is SUCH a cringe-fest that it actually makes me feel less bad about all my wasted efforts on Ulfat ulfat (I'd written all the text and was just waiting to generate the gifs).

The David Dhawan-Govinda-Karisma-Shakti Kapoor-Purnima combination is SO predictable and SO horrible! Raja Babu from 1994 is only one such example.


The song starts with Govinda peeing on a tree and wiping his hands on sidekick Shakti Kapoor's towel. Because this is a Govinda movie and so why not.


Enter Karisma Kapoor on an elephant and under a flower shower. Because this is a Karisma movie and so why not.


And then she jumps off the elephant...
...straight into his arms.
Because this is a... ok you get the picture.


What the..?!


Hawwwww! Shraddha, dekh tere papa kya kar rahe hain!

Choreography ftw.

Here you go!

Rukaawat ke liye khed hai

Sorry, folks. I'm working on this song 'Ulfar ulfat' from Nanhe Jaisalmer for my U post, but giphy.com is acting up so I can't create any gifs. Might have to move the U post to tomorrow. 

T is for Towel mein baahar jaaogi

Contrary to her innocent-looking face, Juhi Chawla sure has done a lot of crass stuff.

This song, from the 1994 movie Eena Meena Deeka is one of them (though not as bad as some others).

The songs starts off with her emerging from behind a curtain wearing nothing but a knotted top and a *gasp* TOWEL!


Except that the towel doesn't really look like a towel. Heroine hai aakhir, thoda embellishment toh mangta hai.

Rishi Kapoor seems to be wearing what was formerly her skirt.


He's also trying to stop her from going out because 'towel mein baahar jaaogi toh halla mach jaayega'.


And sure enough, halla has been machaoed amongst the (uniformed) mawalis.


And here's Rishi Kappor, channeling his inner Govinda more than Govinda himself channels his inner Govinda.


He also attempts to channel his inner Rajnikanth.


Yes, cows being milked is part of the beats in the song.


Juhi, I have no words for the choreography you were subjected to.


And then it's time for the annual sports day, featuring a very interesting tug of war.

Oh, at some point he actually pulls her towel-skirt off. Like, totally off her. I've spared you the gif. You're welcome.


Awww look, he's trying to protect her modesty by covering her towel... with HIS towel. (At least hers LOOKED like a skirt, you dhakkan.)

Very good. Marad towels are totally decent outerwear, no?

You guys go and watch this; I'm throwing in the towel.

S is for sawan ka mahina shaadi bina

Ohhhh this song makes me mad.

It had barely been a year since the Akshay-Raveena chartbuster 'Tu cheez badi hai mast mast' had released. Say what you will about that song, the costumes, the lyrics or the dance moves, but you gotta admit that it was one of a kind.

So it makes me mad to see this extremely poor copy from the 1995 movie called Hulchul, starring Ajay Devgan (before he turned Devgn) and Kajol. Wearing similar (but more horrible) outfits, singing a similar (but more horrible) song and showing similar (but more horrible) moves amidst similar (but more horrible) background dancers.


Take a look at this!


Ajay's lyrics go:
Saawan ka maheena
Shaadi bina mushkil hai jeena
We want girl beautiful beautiful 
Charming tip top beautiful beautiful (or is it dutiful dutiful??)
We want girl beautiful beautiful
Charming tip top beautiful beautiful 
Julie, Noori, Bobby ya phir
Julie, Noori, Bobby ya phir
Chalegi apni gali ki Meena


Kajol's lyrics are no better:
Saawan ka maheena
Shaadi bina mushkil hai jeena
We want boy handsome handsome
Dashing He-Man Superman Phantom
We want boy handsome handsome
Dashing He-Man Superman Phantom
Rocky, Hero, Chaliya ya phir
Rocky, Hero, Chaliya ya phir
Chalega apni gali ka Bheema


Yes, they have legit punditjis on stage. Doing this.


I have no words for the choreography.

Watch this trainwreck of a song and cringe cringe cringe.

R is for Rabba luck barsa

Does anyone remember the time when Lucky Ali made his debut with 'O sanam'? Not only were we totally blown away by the song, we were also fascinated to know that the veiled mystery woman in the video was his real wife. The camera alternated between him in a headdress, and his wife in a veil (and we never got to see her face at all).

This was in 1996.

Cut to 2010. Himesh Reshammiya decided to recreate the whole thing in his movie Kajraare, but in classic Himesh style. He decided to play the roles of both Lucky Ali AND his wife.


Except that when the "veil" comes off, this is not what you expect to see.


The song goes 'Rabba, luck barsa' as Himesh looks up to the heavens. But all he sees are two birds (though I can think of one very interesting kind of luck that they can barsao over his head).



Think of all the songs we have seen where the scantily-clad heroine is running around in a desert for no good reason. How refreshing it is to see an overclothed hero do so.


Is it me or does the camel seem to be enjoying the beat?

Just like our desert heroine, Himeshbhai also insists on multiple costume changes. At least 5 or 6 in this song.


And he also does shit like this.


He does 'cheers' with traditional drinks. Until the locals are also laughing at him.



Our celebrity also tries to hide his face lest the junta recognises and mobs him. To his shock (and our amusement), no one gives a shit.

Please watch at your own risk.