Friday, November 25, 2011

Can't put a name to her?

It's a scene of total chaos at the Bachchans'. The Bachchan clan is in the living room, everyone talking at once. There is a punditji sitting on a mat on the floor. Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten is sitting on a branch on the tree in the garden, hurriedly taking notes.

Amitabh - Ok everybody, I have called this urgent meeting because it has become a matter of embarrassment that we don't have a name for the baby yet! So let's get cracking and decide on the name today itself.

Abhishek (beams proudly) - Pa, I have already asked everyone on Twitter to suggest names. What an idea, sirjee, huh? Bas ek do din ki baat hai, achha sa naam rakh denge.

Amitabh - Twitter?? You asked tweeple to name your baby? Cheh! This is a private affair. Hamaare ghar ki baat hai!

Abhishek (mutters under his breath) - Says the person who tweets if he pees.

A servant comes, holding the phone.

Servant (to Aishwarya) - Madamji, aapke liye hospital se phone aaya hai...

Aishwarya - Hospital se phone? What do they want now? Bol do unko... hum bill pay chuke sanam!

Amitabh (to servant) - Aur kisi ka phone uthaane ki zaroorat nahin. Not until this discussion is over. Punditji, aap hi kuchh achha sa naam bataayein?

Punditji - Yajmaan, main sochta hoon ki naam toh bache ke maa-baap ko hi rakhna chahiye. Kyun Abhishek, tumhaari kya rai hai?

Abhishek - Meri toh Aishwarya Rai hai! Heh heh!

Amitabh gives him a dirty look.

Punditji - Meri taraf se taiyaari ho chuki hai. Namkaran ka shubh muhurt bhi nikal aaya hai. Bas naam aur naamkaran kahan karna hai yeh bata deejiye, main pahunch jaunga.

Amitabh - Kahan karna hai matlab?? Duh! Twitter par, aur kahan?? Oh I see! Abhishek, zara punditji ka account khulwa dena twitter par...

Punditji (looks lost) - Jee? Twitter? Yeh kaun sa mandir hai? Yajmaan, naamkaran toh mandir mein kiya jata hai...

Amitabh - Twitter mandir hi hai, punditji. Wahan par ek karod se zyada log mujhe worship karte hain... (gives a condescending look to Abhishek)

Abhishek (looks grumpy) - Pa, aap Twitter par bahut zyada regular hain is liye itne followers hain... Mujhe toh time hi nahin milta...

Amitabh - Haan haan kyun nahin, dozens of movies ke offers jo aa rahe hain!

Abhishek - Pa, jab mera career khatam ho jaayega aur main retired ho jaunga toh main bhi...

Amitabh - Toh what are you waiting for??

Jaya - Stop it, you too! Let's focus on the issue at hand! Abhishek, do you have any suggestions?

Aishwarya - I have one...

Jaya - I did not ask you. You stay out of this, my dear. Abhishek, do you have any suggestions?

Abhishek - I have one, I have one! Abhineta. The name starts with Abhi and it means 'actor'. And if acting doesn't work out, she can join politics and be a 'neta'! Heh heh!

Amitabh (shakes his head) - Sheesh. Sometimes it's hard to believe you're my son... Aishwarya, what did you see in him?

Aishwarya - Actually...

Amitabh - There is no need to answer that.

Abhishek - Ok, let's look at the suggestions given by some of the tweeple. Shaayad kuchh achha sa naam nikal aaye?

Amitabh - Ok fine.

Abhishek - Ok this one is from Malaika Arora. She says we should take 'Ash' from 'Aishwarya' and 'Shek' from Abhishek. Not a bad idea, huh?

Jaya - ASS SHAKE?!

Abhishek - Ahem. Ok rejected. I should have known, it's Malaika after all... Ass shake... uska toh kaam hi wohi hai...

Amitabh - SRK ne koi suggestion diya hai?

Abhishek - Haan, lekin we won't take that.

Amitabh - Why not?!

Abhishek (looks around shiftily)- Because his Ra.One did better than our Raavan. Hmmph!

Amitabh - Ok, that's a good point. And what did Karan say?

Abhishek - Karan didn't suggest a name but he has asked for dates.

Jaya - Dates? Whose?

Abhishek - Baby's. He wants to have her on his show as soon as she can speak.

Aishwarya - Koffee with Karan? You want our baby to have coffee with Karan??

Abhishek - Of course not! Arre, it's a special episode. It will be called Toffee with Karan.

Amitabh - Haan woh sab baad mein. Woh Navratan lal tel waalon ka bhi phone aaya tha. I told them baby will do the endorsement as soon as she grows some hair.

Abhishek - Oh look, Sushmita also sent a message.

Aishwarya (surprised)- Oh, she did?? What does she say??

Abhishek - She says she has reserved a place for baby in her beauty pageant training academy.

Aishwarya - Oh that's nice of her.

Abhishek - Wait, there's a PS in small font.

Aishwarya - What does it say??

Abhishek - PS: I beat you in the Miss India contest in '94, ha!

Aishwarya storms off and reaches the garden.

SSSK climbs down from the tree to get a byte.

SSSK - Aishwarya! Aishwarya!

Aishwarya - Huh?! Who are you??

SSSK - I am a reporter. Could I please just ask you one question?

Aishwarya - Finally! Please go ahead.

SSSK - So I read that you gave birth without opting for any painkillers? Why? I mean... why why why?

Aishwarya - Hmmm... I am going to answer that question not because I want to, but because in this house someone has finally asked for MY input.

SSSK - Erm... Sure...

Aishwarya - Well, I have dated Salman Khan and now I am a Bachchan bahu. What's a little physical pain compared to that, eh?

Aishwarya winks and goes back into the house, leaving SSSK gaping.

The discussion is still going strong. It's also not going anywhere.

Amitabh - We need a really really good name. Something that stands out. Something that is royal and majestic and announces the arrival of the greatest actress of all time.

Abhishek & Aishwarya - Actress??

Amitabh - Of course. She will be a very talented actress.

Abhishek - Actress toh theek hai, Pa, but how can you be so sure ki talented actress banegi?

Amitabh (exchanges a look with Jaya, leans forward and looks straight at Abhishek and Aishwarya) - Yes, I am sure. You see... talent skips a generation.


Bubblegum.... said...

Talllliyaaan! I read your post in the office and my team-mate (the akadu one!) is still thinking why i am roflllinnng!!! :P Gold!!! taliyaan! :)

yab said...

ROFL...totally love abhishek , dont you ? *wink wink*

Prathima said...

Wonder where you get your talent for writing such hilarious posts. Simply superb :-)

Bivas said...

ROTFL.....and more ROFL...the last line was the best!!!
n the Toffee with Karan... :D

Alice said...

Toffee with Karan.. bwahahahahaha.

OMG I can't stop laughing. You genius you.

ಅಶ್ವಿನಿ/ Ashwini said...

Wow that is so wonderful.. How do you come up with these whacky ideas lady.. It was simply superb read.. Love your SSSK stuff.

Nidhi said...

hehehehehe!!!! Am still laffing over Ass Shake and Abhineta...but was a lil disappointed in the end. I actually thought that some conclusion will come out of this discussion and we will have a howlarious name (well...i find the name "navya naveli" ...shweta bachchan's daughter's name...pretty weird too)

Btw...a joke for you to lol on..

Q. What do you call an instant baby
A. "Abhi" baby

mythalez said...

yippeee .... SSSK is back!

Varsha said...

SSSK is back with a BIG Bang to write about BIG B and Baby B. Phew! too many Bs there. "Toffee" with Karan, "Talent skips a generation", etc. too good. :D, :)

Arun said...

It will be a pity if writing talent skips a generation.

Sanket said...

Haha!! super like!!

Esha - People for the Blind said...

total entertainment!!

Himanshu Tandon said...

Sorry, though I did think 'Ass Shake' was really witty, being a die hard AB senior follower, I did think it was bordering on being disrespectful.

There are millions across the length and breadth of the country who would do anything to catch a glimpse of the Bachchans and I believe it would one in a trillion who would not want to be associated or be a part of their clan.

I just stumbled upon your blog and enjoyed your writing but keeping the wit and humour aside, this one I believe was a feeble punch below the belt..not very painful but uncomfortable still.

Arun said...

It is very disrespectful to people to assume they want to be associated with the B clan outside of the movie theater.

Dil se said...

Just too good !!Sayesha at her usual best :-)
Specially the jokes about their twitter presence and asking for names on twitter !!

Yours truly said...

I suggest to name her as 'Phoenix' - After-all she has come out of Ash!

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Reflections said...

That was hilarious Sayesha :) I so love your SSSK posts. Keep them coming!!


Nirmala said...

Hilarious!! :)

Stupidosaur said...

Hahahaha! Top form again!

P.S. : Are you or Baby X on Twitter?

Sayesha said...

Thanks! :D

Yes yes I toh love that entire khandaan wonly! :P

Thanks! :D

Thanks! :D

Hehe, thanks! :P

Thanks! :D

Actually I agree with you. I should have come up with a phodu name for the kid, huh? :)

Hehe, thanks! :D

Thanks! :D

Hehehe! :P

Thanks! :)

Thanks! :)

OMG did you just call me "one in a trillion"? I am so flattered! Thank you! :D


Dil se,
Thanks! :D

Yours truly,
LOL! Poor baby... :P

Thanks! :)

Thanks! :)

PS: No re, Facebook toh sambhalta nahin, Twitter? No way! :D There was an impostor on Twitter though and I had to write to the Twitter folks to shut him/her down. :/

Arun said...

Ultimately, baby B will be Anaamika?

Bubblegum.... said...

Imposter!!!! My god Your life is full of thrills ha! woooow. :P

sumitra said...

ROFL!!! Really hillarious post!

Atul XYZ said...

Humorous :)

Shekhar said...

Somewhere in heaven, Harivanshrai Bachchan is fuming at the words "talent skips a generation". :D