Break away

As we sat around the dining table at a friend's place on Friday night and listened to him relate tales of Rishikesh and how people from all over the world went there and got stoned, I ignored Viv's "They get more b(h)ang for their buck at Rishikesh." joke and wondered. What is it that makes people from other countries go to India? Do they really find nirwana? Truth is, those who want to find nirwana can even find it in a Las Vegas casino. But there is something about India that attracts them. Tells them they will find what they are looking for.

I have my own selfish reasons to want to go to India every year. Just like them, I'm also looking for something. And contrary to popular belief, it is not just pani puri.

A trip to India, like the upcoming one to Bangalore this week, is my own little commercial break.

I have never worked in India, and I don't really know how it is to work there. But I have worked in Singapore and a part of the crazy, disciplined life does appeal to me. In spite of the competition, the stress, the work hours, there is structure and procedure. Things work, people work, and I appreciate that. Of course, many people leave the country and move to places like Australia and the US for a more relaxed work culture. Speaking of relaxed work cultures, My Dad, a banker in India, has time for a 1-hour morning walk, a gardening session, a newspaper session, and a hearty breakfast before he leaves for office. And he is home by 7. The bankers I know here, are also home by 7, but with a slight difference. They get home by 7 am instead of 7 pm.

Maybe it differs from industry to industry. Friends in India tell me it's getting more and more competitive and stressful to work in India. I guess the competition and the stress are more within us than around us, and that's why no matter where you are, you'll feel it. Sometimes one work-week feels like an extremely long never-ending day, and then the weekend is spent just recovering from it. By the time you recover from the weekend, the extremely long never-ending day is at your heels again. And the cycle repeats.

Thank goodness for holidays.

And here's why to me, an Indian holiday is different. A holiday at any other place is more about what I get to see. In India, it's always about what I get to feel. Last year, during a drive from Jaipur to Delhi, Starbreez, Viv and I were discussing the same thing. Every time I visit India, a part of me breaks open the cynical shell and emerges. An emotional, sensitive, humane part. Like a file in my computer which I never for because I tell myself I don't have the time to really go and look for it. Even though I could just run the search function, I don't. Because in my heart, perhaps I'm too afraid of not finding it. So I tell myself that it's probably there somewhere and that some day I will just stumble upon it and know for sure that it's there.

Going to India helps me find it. In spite of the very real possibility that the moment I land back here and get sucked into my work, I'll lose it. In no time. Like when a dream ends and you wake up, but you can sense the happenings of the dream linger on till you get out of bed and forget it all. It's kind of like how I feel when a movie makes me cry. The tears are not just of sadness, they are of relief. Relief of still possessing the ability to feel someone else's (albeit fictional) pain. Even though I may completely forget all about it as soon as I switch off the DVD player, it helps to know that I've not gone dead on the inside.

So I look forward to my little commercial breaks in India. Just like the commercial breaks during movies that help you take a break from the intensity to grab a snack, drink some water, take a pee, make a phone call, I need these little breaks to pause the intensity of my life in Singapore. Kind of helps me get back on track, reminds me of all the things that I want to do, all the things that I have to do. To be away from all the things that don't allow me to think about the things I should be thinking about. To make those little differences in my life when the break ends.

And just like how commercial breaks are best appreciated when they don't happen too often, I'm happy with my once-a-year trip to India. And having grown up in several cities, I have no so-called 'hometown'. So I just go anywhere. It doesn't matter where I go actually. No matter where I go, I know I'll still find that file.