I'm a huge fan of the signs found inside the lifts of big shopping malls. They are always handy when you're rushing to a movie and you enter the mall with no idea whatsoever about where the theatre is. Instead of spending precious seconds/minutes (that are threatening to come between you and the trailers) to find the mall directory, you just rush into the nearest lift and there you have it - the sign that tells you which button to press to go the theatre.
I'm also a huge fan of Singapore's free public library system, and am a regular at the Marine Parade public library. I may not have used it much in my pre-Xena days, but it's such a blessing now. Raising a TV-free and iPad-free child means that you need books - lots and lots of books. Books that you can simply return when you're done, instead of buying and hoarding them. Books that you can simply borrow again if your child suddenly misses them and wants them back (happens a lot more than I'd expected!). I make a visit to the library every fortnight and come back armed with about a dozen books.
The Marine Parade library is a relatively small one, with just one lift catering to the four floors. There's a sign outside the lift telling you which level has which type of books, but it is often blocked by the hordes of people waiting to get into the solitary tiny lift. Since I'm a regular and I only go to the children's section at the moment, I know where my destination is. But I have often noticed that many people rush into the lift without noticing the sign outside, and then looking a bit lost inside as to which button to press. It does not help that one of the buttons, the one between levels 1 and 2, simply says 'M'. (I believe it's some kind of 'Middle floor', constructed later to hold books for young people.)
I wondered how cool it would be if just like the shopping malls, the library lift also had a sign inside. So on a whim, I went to the main library's website and wrote in my tiny suggestion to install a sign inside the lift as well. I wrote to the very generic email address they have under 'Contact us', not really expecting anything. Instantly, I received an automated email to tell me that they would respond to me within three working days.
I'd sent my email on 15th January at 9:16 am and on the same day at 10:24 am, I received a reply... from a person! Wow. Of course, he only told me that they would share my feedback with the library manager. So that was that. Honestly, I didn't have any other expectations. I was just thrilled that there was a human being behind the generic email address! I didn't have any high hopes of my tiny piece of feedback making it anywhere. The library surely had more important matters to discuss in its meetings, such as 'Oh no! This generation does not read!', or 'We started lending DVDs to make more people come to the library and be exposed to books, and now they're only borrowing the DVDs!', or 'Should we tear the library down and build yet another shopping mall?' Even if my input made its way into the AOB section of their meetings under 'Extremely trivial matters', they would probably have to consult the other 25 branches to see if they all agreed. What if some of the libraries didn't have the space in their lifts for the sign because of all the posters? Would they dare to be inconsistent?
Clearly, I was thinking too much. So I stopped thinking.
And that's when they bowled me over.
On 16th January, at 10:18 am (just over 24 hours of receiving my feedback), they wrote to me, "We are pleased to inform you that the Library Manager at the Marine Parade Public Library has taken on board your suggestion and will be installing the signage on the inside of the lift. Thank you very much for your good idea."
So Raja Sen of Rediff, who used to be my favorite movie reviewer once upon a time (until he gave Oye Lucky Lucky Oye 5 stars, making me lose 3 (or was it 38737589234?) precious hours of my life that I will never get back), gave Dedh Ishqiya 5 stars, which made me very very suspicious. After all, I had not even liked the prequel Ishqiya too much. However, I googled 'Dedh Ishqiya movie review' and every single review was positive, if not glowing. I'd also been dying to watch a decent movie in the theatre since the disastrous Shuddh Desi Romance, which incidentally had also got good reviews, but was a total waste of my Xena-free time. Honestly, if I'm going to be away from her, I'd rather it be for a very very good reason, such as a very very good movie in the theatre.
Anyway, so there we were, my friend N and me, in City Square Mall after a sumptuous lunch at Apollo Banana Leaf restaurant. Yes, we braved Little India on a Sunday (I'm sure you guys read about the lovely riot that happened there a few Sundays ago.) because both N and I wanted to watch the movie in a Golden Village theatre rather than the desi Jade theatre which is a pain in every which way possible, and the only central Golden Village playing the movie was in City Square Mall. We reached the theatre at 1:39 pm, for the 1:40 pm show, phew! Missing the trailers would have broken both our hearts.
Speaking of trailers, they only showed two - Jai Ho and Gunday - both exceptionally loud trailers, which only worries me. If the trailers are this loud, lord save our ears in the movies. Not that I intend to watch either of them. Tabu totally put me off with her "Mera bhai aayega" act (seriously Tabu? That's what you've been reduced to?) and Gunday didn't appeal to me as much I'd thought it would after watching Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh on Koffee with Karan. Did you watch that episode? It's hilarious. Watch it. NAO.
There was also the mandatory Ricola ad, regarded by many, including me, as the worst of Singaporean advertising. But what made me really proud of Singapore was the ad on safe sanitation and world toilet day. Yes, there is such a day and Singapore is the one that started it and even got the UN to adopt it to promote safe sanitation across the world.
Oh my goodness, I just realised I'm already four paragraphs down and nowhere near talking about the movie that this post is supposedly about. So here goes. Disclaimer 1 - There might be spoilers ahead, so don't read if you're going to watch the movie. Disclaimer 2 - Don't go by my review at all, I have the weirdest taste in Hindi movies.
So Dedh Ishqiya follows the lives of Khalu and Babban, with new love interests, though I wonder what happened to Vidya Balan's character. Wasn't she with Babban at the end of Ishqiya? Or maybe I'd dozed off and missed the real ending. Anyway, the plot of Dedh Ishqiya is actually quite good, and most certainly better developed than the prequel. What I liked the most about the movie were the crisp dialogues and humour, and some very good acting by Naseeruddin Shah, Arshad Warsi and Vijay Raaz. Some of the scenes, especially those involving Arshad Warsi, were really funny and had me in splits. I'm so heartbroken at the thought that Munnabhai 3 may never happen.
However, overall the story didn't quite cut it for me. For one, I felt a bit confused about the time the story was set in. On one hand, we had nawabs, begums, shaayars, mushairas, and even a swayamwar thrown in, and yet on the other hand, Babban was hell bent on promoting the iPhone 5. Another issue I had was the age difference between Para and Khalu. In the present, while there were clearly a few decades between them, the flashback (by the way, was it really necessary to show that they had shared some history?) showed them to be almost of the same age. It was also relatively easy to guess that Para had orchestrated her own kidnapping, taking away some of the suspense.
Madhuri Dixit, touted to be absolutely scintillating at Begum Para in all the reviews, kind of disappointed me. For one, she was surrounded by much better actors like Naseerudddin Shah, Vijay Raaz and Arshad Warsi. Also, I expected her entry scene to blow me away. Sure, she is still gorgeous at 46 and was dressed to the nines, but there was something about her face that was very... off. N and I were trying to figure out if it was age, bad make-up or simply Botox? I think she looks so much better on television. Anyway, I thought her acting was alright, but nothing out of the ordinary. She was ably supported by the beautiful Huma Qureshi as Muniya. There were quite a few scenes between them, and in fact, at one point N suspected that Para and Muniya were lovers! I briefly entertained that thought (especially during the scene with their dancing sillhouettes) before dismissing it. One, she did seem to enjoy the younger Khalu's attentions. Two, she did seem disappointed that her husband was not into women. And three, I don't think Madhuri would be that open to playing a lesbian. Later, when we found out that the nawab had been gay, I burst out laughing in my head. That would be something - a gay nawab-and-begum couple! Or maybe she was bisexual. I don't know. The movie didn't really leave the question lingering. Maybe it should have.
I also felt that the pace of the movie was kind of slow. Sure, much of it was about slow, poetic romance, but still, some parts were just too slow for my liking. In spite of the slow pace, the story itself started out well, but seemed very randomly put together towards the end. I actually went "huh?" when Italwi suddenly jumped out from the goods train with a big gun and started randomly shooting. If that was the 'twist' in the story that the reviewers were raving about, it was a very meh-inducing one. And what was with the inspector 'John Vijay'? I wasn't sure if his sudden and random inclusion was inspired by Mohanlal in Company, or for comic relief (it wasn't funny).
Respect to Naseeruddin Shah for being the most senior actor (he's 63!) and yet being the one who got beaten up the most in the movie. When and where possible, everyone took a whack at him. But he did look very regal in the nawabi outfits, though I wish the song he sang at the mushaira had been sung by someone else. The late Jagjit Singh would have really nailed it.
Lastly, I was SO thankful the movie had subtitles. I have an interest in Urdu and understand a bit of Urdu shayari too, but many of the shers and dialogues would have just swooshed over my head if not for the subtitles!
Overall, the movie is all right and worth a one-time watch. Arshad Warsi fans should definitely not miss it.
Last week, something very unusual happened in Singapore.
It got cold.
Seriously.
At night we had the fan speed at 1, and had a quilt on instead of the usual thin blanket. It had rained and rained and rained as it does during December and January, but never before in Singapore had I felt this cold. Or this excited. It seemed like - and not in the ominous Game of Thrones kind of way - winter was coming.
Well, of course it wasn't. The next day, the sun was up and shining merrily and then it rained again and then it was sunny again, and so on. Oh well.
Singapore may be my favourite country in the world to live in, but there are certain things about India that I do miss very much. The top three being family, winter and my all time favourite food in the whole wide world - roadside pani puri. And it just struck me that I do still get to enjoy the first two - when the family visits, or when I travel to a cold country (or when the Singapore weather goes bonkers like it did last week). But the last one... sigh... I highly doubt that roadside pani puri can or will ever be what it is, outside of India.
One of my favourite pani puri moments was back when I was a kid and my cousin (and arch nemesis in those days) challenged me to eat 50 pani puris. After a rather full lunch. It was just too easy. As he reluctantly handed me the 10-rupee note for the lost bet, I had a smashing punchline for him, "Pani puri ke liye jagah pet mein nahin, dil mein chahiye." (It doesn't translate well, but here it is anyway: You don't need space in your stomach for pani puri, you need space in your heart.) Honestly, I used to eat so much pani puri that my mom used to joke that I have pani puri ka pani in my veins instead of blood. At my wedding, I wanted the main course to be pani puri. It did feature in the menu, but most tragically my wedding sari weighed me down during the race to the stall and it all disappeared before I got there.
Sometimes I wonder when Xena's health will stabilise and I will take her to India and let her try pani puri.
Some day, we surely will. During winter.
And we will huddle by the roadside and have a pani puri eating competition.
I just got back from a new year's party and before I hit the bed, I want to make this official. All the things I plan to do in the new year. My new year resolutions. It is a very general list, applicable to almost everyone, but it's these simple things that can sometimes be so hard to adhere to that you need to sign and stamp it on the first day of the year itself.
De-LTF. Like mad.
Viv and I plan to lose some serious weight this year. Not off our bodies, but off our home. We have lived here for about 6 years now and accumulated a lot of LTF stuff. LTF as in 'Lie There Forever'. I had posted about LTF here, but here's a refresher. It's basically all the stuff that you never use and it just takes up space because it lies there forever. We have some simple rules. The first round is for each person to throw/donate their own LTF stuff. The key is to keep only the stuff you need or use. Anything you don't use or have not needed in the last one year, goes. If you look at something and hesitate, it goes. Next is to ask each other key questions such as, "What on earth is this??" or "Whose is this?" or "Is this yours?" or "Oh my goodness, this is still here??" or "What do you intend to do with this?" If a satisfactory reply is not received, the questioning party has the freedom to dispose of the item in question. The plan is to declutter our home, create more space, make it neater and more organised. And keep it that way. I have had enough of articles that assure me that we have a kid and so it's okay that our home is messy, etc. etc. Please. I shall not kid myself anymore. My kid is not the one making the mess. If anything, my kid is a pro at tidying up. The mess is all Viv and me. There is simply no excuse.
Cook better, look better.
Last year, a friend of mine mentioned this app called MyFitnessPal, which has been a total eye-opener. Viv and I generally eat healthy home-cooked food, and are moderately active too, so it was a shock to me when I found out the caloric content of the some of the foods we eat, especially when we eat out. Basically, one meal at a restaurant can take up almost your entire day's caloric needs. Whoa. That is scary. Add to it the extra salt and fat and MSG found in such meals. Ugh. All this while I'd always had 'be fit' as my perennial resolution, but I had never looked too closely at what I was eating. But now I have realised that you can exercise all you want and you can be as fit as you want, but you still need to watch what you're eating. The plan for 2014 is to be more conscious when cooking, e.g. tone down the salt and sugar, ketchup and sauces, and make sure our intake of fruits, vegetables and water is sufficient. We are adventurous about food, so we might not be cutting down on the meals we eat outside, but we will surely be more conscious of the quantities we eat. A 1000-calorie meal is a no-no-no.
Be more organised
I might be good at organising events, but Viv is most definitely better at being organised himself. In the coming year, I want to be more like him in this regard. I want to know where my things are, especially my keys and my phone and my bus card. I want to do my accounts properly like he does. I want to have a system for everything. A system that works. In other words, I guess I want to be like... Singapore!
Be curious and learn
Recently, we went to the River Safari and as I watched the animals in fascination, I learnt a lot (e.g. how to tell the difference between a crocodile, an alligator and a ghariyal), had several questions in mind (e.g. I saw a signboard describing mammals and wondered what was the correct use of the word 'suckle' - do young mammals suckle their mothers, or do the mothers suckle the young?). I was filled with curiosity and excitement about learning new things and finding out the answers to the questions in my head. I came home, googled for an hour and got all my answers. As well as a sense of fulfillment. Many times, I come across a new word in the newspaper, an interesting reference in a movie, a phrase that sounds like it might have a fascinating origin. Most of the time, I forget about them. In 2014, I plan to pick up such things, follow through, learn more, and try to better understand them. Unless it's politics or the stock market. Those I will joyfully skip.
More outings and gatherings
Since Xena goes to the hospital a lot (something that I hope changes for the better in 2014), it is hard to catch a window period when she's well and can go for an outing. I can't remember the number of times I have cancelled a play date, a picnic, waterplay or an outing because she fell sick or was hospitalised. Even her docs say that until she starts eating and her lungs get bigger and stronger, there is not much I can do, but this year, I will keep a sharp eye out for those gaps between her sickness bouts, and I will make the most of them by organising as many outings and gatherings as I can.
Me-time and me-things
Since Xena was born, I have focused all of my time on her, and even when I did have some me-time to do me-things, I have felt slight pangs of guilt. I know I shouldn't, but I did. In 2014, I intend to shrug off that guilt and do some things just by myself and for myself and my own sanity, be it going shoe-shopping when she's at school, or taking up offers from family and friends to babysit Xena while Viv and I catch a movie in the theatre, or simply watching something on YouTube (we have unsubscribed from all TV channels) when Xena naps. I am aware that this might be the first thing to get sacrificed in the tug of war for time, but I will try my best to catch that episode of Koffee with Karan or that trailer of that horrible new Hindi movie that I'm never going to watch.
In the new year, I want to sing more, Skype more, sew more and, this is a very important one -- blog more.
After a hiatus spanning two years, the bar's annual report post is back.
2013 was the year when Xena turned two. Fortunately, we didn't experience the terrible twos at all, which makes me very very suspicious. Hopefully 2014 will not usher in an era of the terrible threes.
2013 was the year when Xena started preschool. And living up to the precedence set by her nerdy mommy, she loved it from day one. Hopefully 2014 will see her more at school and less in the hospital.
2013 was the year when all I posted on the blog were Xena posts and more Xena posts. Hopefully 2014 will change that.
2013 was the year when I only wrote an average of 2-3 posts per month, and even those were mostly compilations of my Facebook posts on Xena. Tsk tsk. Hopefully 2014 will change that too.
2013 was the year when Viv and I managed to do two holidays - a short one in Phuket and a longer one (a road trip in Australia that I am currently covering in Hopscotch). Contrary to our expectations, Xena did not give us much trouble. Hopefully 2014 will also allow us our two holidays.
2013 was the year when I published six more books, bringing my total book count to 18. (For the uninitiated, no I'm not some cool author that writes best-selling fiction. I write boring science assessment books for kids.) My time-management skills were really put to the test as I juggled taking care of Xena alongside my deadlines. Hopefully 2014 will bring in some happy royalty statements.
2013 was the year when, after a long long time, I indulged in a five-hour shopping spree with a friend, while Viv stayed at home and watched Xena. As I like to say, that truly was 'duty-free shopping'. Hopefully 2014 will bring many many new pairs of shoes (and ahem, the money to buy them with).
2013 was the year when McAloo tikki burger arrived in Singapore. It was yum, therefore it was kind of depressing that they took it away. Hopefully 2014 will bring it back, and all the other yummy things that only McD in India has.
2013 was the year when the terrible haze struck our clean and green Singapore, and the PSI shot to an unbelievable high of 401. Hopefully 2014 will be clean, green and haze-free.
2013 was the year when I reintroduced myself to my sewing machine. I made two dresses for Xena. With bolster covers. Hopefully 2014 will see more time for, and more creations on, the machine.
2013 was the year when some very dear friends from our university days visited us. It was so so so great to see them again. Hopefully 2014 will reunite us.
I have yet to finalise my list of resolutions for 2014, but I do have a blanket wish for 2014. Good health for everyone, especially Xena.
Have a terrific new year, bewdas! Thanks for hanging out at the bar. :)
For Xena's first Christmas, I put her on a mat, made her wear a $1 Santa hat and took a photo. That was it.
For Xena's second Christmas, I took her down to our building's management office where they had put up a tree, made her wear a snowman hairband and took a photo of her against the tree. That was it.
For Xena's third Christmas, she got her own tree, her choice of ornaments that she helped put on the tree, presents from everyone (!) during our secret Santa party, and a special gift inside the stocking she'd hung the night before -- the much-coveted light-up Hello Kitty shoes that she had been asking Santa for.
Is it any wonder therefore that she looks so smug?
Xena finally wants to eat something... and guess what it is? The leaves of a tree! Yes, she literally describes how she's going to gobble up the leaves of a tree. And also how I rescue her from the tree using a beeeeeeg ladder, and then put it back in the storeroom.
PS: My apologies to non-Hindi speakers, it's too much to translate. Seriously. :)
We just got back from a road trip in Australia, and yes, I will soon write all about it on my travel blog Hopscotch. Though this is Xena's fourth vacation (Perth at 8 months, USA at 17 months, Phuket at 20 months), this particular trip, at 2.5 years of age, is when she was truly involved and interested in what was happening around her. Over the two weeks that we travelled across Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane, her running commentary was on all the time and would cease only when she was asleep.
Here are some snippets:
Pre-road trip briefing for Xena:
Me - Xena will be a good girl?
Xena - Xena will be a good girl.
Me - Xena will not trouble anyone?
Xena - Xena will not trouble... everyone!
She was very excited to see the aeroplane from the waiting lounge before we boarded. Once we were inside the plane, she looked all around in utter surprise and exclaimed, "Aeroplane kahan gaya????"
We don't have a car so she was very excited about our rental car. She happily got into the carseat and declared, "This is Xena's carseat." Over time, she learnt to belt herself up and refused to let me do it anymore. She'd say, "Xena apne aap seat belt pehnegi!" and once she was done, she'd say, "Apne aap seat belt pehen liya!" Then she'd look around and say, "Hum log kahan ja rahe hain?"
When we were on the road, she was very curious about who the strange lady accompanying us in the car was, so I explained to her that it was the 'GPS Aunty'. She can't say 'G' yet and says 'D' instead, and the next time the Aunty spoke, Xena said what sounded exactly like "Depressed Aunty kya boli?"
Whenever she spotted Viv using only one hand to drive, she'd immediately chide him, "Both hands!"
Sometimes she'd get restless in the car and ask to be released. Then I'd tell her something like, "Brisbane jana hai na? Then you have to stay in the carseat." And without knowing where/what Brisbane was, she'd say, "Brisbane jana hai, abhi jana hai." and stay put.
Close to her naptime, she'd start to cry and then soothe herself saying, "Brisbane bolega - don't cry."
The first time she saw a kangaroo, it had a joey in its pouch. She said, "Can I touch the soft soft joey?"
She saw a duck busily eating at the Collingwood children's farm in Melbourne and asked me, "Can I disturb the duck?" Then she saw some horse poop and said, "Horse poop is just like Xena's poop!"
We were at a playground where bush turkeys were roaming freely. She was fascinated by it and said, "Momsie, look! Turkey ne yellow necklace pehna hai!"
She also made me laugh hysterically by referring to the baby swings with the two holes on either side as "Diaper wala swing!" She made a friend there and they had a fun time digging the ground with sticks together. When some dirt flew from her stick on to the other kid's mom's shoes, I pointed it out to her. She looked very apologetic and said to the lady, "Aunty throw dirt on Xena's shoes!" The lady was very amused at this invitation for revenge.
She had a great time aboard the Puffing Billy train. Later, when she pointed to the steam coming out of the kettle I had put to boil and said, "Just like Puffing Billy!"
Viv was showing her the changing colours of the lights on the Story bridge in Brisbane and they kept saying, "Yellow ke baad red ho jaayega, red ke baad green ho jaayega, etc." The next day, when we were waiting to see sunset at the Mount Coot-tha lookout, she was curious what we were there for. So I showed her the sky and I said, "Abhi sun yellow hai, phir orange ho jayega, phir red ho jayega!" She retorted, "Red ke baad green ho jaayega!"
On the flight back, she heard the pilot's announcements and looked up in surprise. Then she asked me, "Uncle kahan hain?" I asked her the same thing back. She pointed to the overhead luggage compartment and confidently said, "Uncle iske andar hain."
There was a baby crying on board and to distract her from messing with her seat belt, I asked her, "Can you hear the baby crying?" She put her hand behind her ear, listened intently and with a distressed look, asked me, "Uski mummy kahan gayi????"
When the stewardesses started serving the food, she pointed to them and said, "Soooo many aunties bringing khana!"
She got bored after a while and said, "Aeroplane mein nahin baithna hai. Baahar jana hai." Ummmm. I told her we couldn't get out in mid-air and had to wait till the plane stopped. When our flight landed, she immediately said, "Apna stop aaaaa gaya!"
When our flight landed, we unbuckled and stood up. The aisles were full so we couldn't get out. She looked around at the people and loudly declared in their faces, "It's too crowded."
As we were leaving the plane, the stewardesses waved to her. She said bye to some and was too shy towards others. When we were out, she suddenly said, "Oh no! Woh wali Aunty ko bye nahin bola!"
She is still talking non-stop about the trip, and I'm trying to capture her version of the events on video.
Here she is, describing how cold Melbourne was:
And this is what happens when a toddler adds bits of her imagination when recounting her vacation. Apparently the Philip Island penguins board a boat, do a jungli dance and sing, "Row, row, row your boat." :)
Okay, so this post on how to keep a toddler engaged without turning on the television AT ALL, has been due for a very long time now. Every time I wanted to sit down and compile my ideas, I gave up because I felt like there was nothing new. Google is swarming with ideas on how to keep toddlers busy, what possible value could I add? But I keep receiving queries from friends and bewdas who are parents, and now I think I understand. Maybe what they want is what I wanted and what Google could not give me. Simple things for parents to do with their kids at home on a daily basis to keep them occupied and happy. Of course, there are tons of websites that have '100 things to do at home with kids' but you can't be doing stuff like making a working model of a volcano every single day; you will go crazy.
In case you're wondering why I'm so anti-TV and what's wrong with kids watching a bit of TV or 'educational DVDs', here is one of my favourite articles on it. (Yes, I must have read all of the Internet on TV and kids.) Simply put, the early years are critical and TV hinders the kid's brain from developing to its fullest potential.
Check this this out too. Many of my friends switch on the TV to watch something and get a moment of respite, or turn on baby TV and let the kid watch it while they get some chores done, or simply keep it switched on the entire time whether anyone is watching or not. Now here's the thing. Even background TV, where it's just playing in the background while your kid is doing something else, is bad.
Yes, TV can teach your kids the alphabet and numbers and good habits. But here's the thing - you can do it too. And better. Without compromising their grey cells.
Two friends of mine, whom I drilled and grilled until they gave up and hopped on to my no-TV bandwagon, reported amazing results. Both kids were having a speech delay and once the TV was off and the remote control hidden away, they started talking. Within days. Their parents were just as amazed as I was.
A friend of mine whose kid used to watch at least 3-5 hours of TV a day asked me, "If I don't let him watch TV, what on earth do I do with him all day???" This post, if anything, is an answer to her question. I have to admit that it is hard to come up with things to engage your kid all day. But not impossible. Now, before we get started, here are some things to keep in mind:
1. I work from home, and I only work when Xena is at school. When she's at home, I am all hers. I don't have any domestic help, so when Viv is at work or cricket, I need to do pretty much everything. And housework does not even begin to compare to the hard work that entertaining a toddler is. It's a little better for me now, since she has started half-day school, but before that, I was spending every single minute with her. (Yes, crazy exhausting, but totally worth it.) Most of these tips are from that viewpoint -- of being with her 100% of the time. So the tips below might need to be modified if you're a working parent.
2. Be CONVINCED that your kid does NOT need TV and you are doing the right thing by keeping it turned off. If your kid already watches TV and you're going cold turkey, you might witness tantrums like some of my friends did, but persist. Do not give in or give up.
3. If you're the kind who will wilt without TV yourself, find ways to watch it. When your kid is napping or away at school. Just don't switch on the TV when your kid is around. If your kid doesn't see you watching TV, chances are that he or she wouldn't be too keen on it either. Viv and I used to watch a bit of TV every now and then after putting Xena to sleep, but soon we realised that between work, housework, Xena and each other, we really don't have time for TV. We promptly disconnected our cable connection and have been living happily since. It's not that we don't watch anything at all. I watch some Hindi stuff online and he watches some cricket stuff online. Together, we watch DVDs, but only after Xena has fallen asleep. We do not watch anything with her around. If she wakes up, we switch off the TV. No compromises.
4. Where possible, I include some learning points in the activities but I try not to go overboard. It's nice that she can count to 40 and say the alphabet, but at this age, the most important thing to do is to have fun. I try to make teaching part of the fun. If she seems uninterested or bored, I go back to 100% play. I started off with a 15-minute slot for each activity, but I would stop and switch if she seems bored.
5. If you absolutely have to let your kid watch TV for whatever reason, do not simply plonk him/her in front of it and go away. First of all, select the slowest possible videos with minimal flashing lights and colours. Be actively engaged and involved to avoid the 'zoning' effect, where the kid seems to be completely hypnotised and has no clue of anything else around. Because that's when you know the brain has switched itself off.
Okay, so here are the things that Xena and I do all day.
1. Toys
Of course. Toys are expected to keep the kid busy. But what if your kid gets bored with each toy after 15 minutes of play? You can't possibly keep buying toys. Compared to other kids, Xena has a very very small toy collection. Soft toys have now been banned by her doctor for her lung issues, but she used to have quite a few of them and that's how she learnt animal names.
We try to make sure that the toys she has are as open-ended as possible. Not only does that help her exercise her creativity in thinking of new ways to play with it, it also increases the life span of the toy. For example, she has this bowling set and the skittles are all shaped like different animals. When she was very young and had no bowling skills, I used them to teach her animal names and colours. Now she's able to bowl and has been kind of getting bored, so I have switched to doing new things with them. For example, I tell them it's time for the skittles to sleep and ask her if she could make them sleep in a row, all facing left or right. She loves it. There's also the 'dahi handi' where I challenge her to make the tallest tower she can make by holding them one on top of the other. Now she's learning some tricks too - such as making sure the giraffe is at the top because it has horns, making it hard to balance any other animal on its head. And something silly and funny Viv introduced recently - bowling conference, which is basically all the skittles standing in a tight circle, with the bowling ball balanced on their heads. It not only looks hilarious, it entertains her so much that lately every day she's been organising the conference.
Other open-ended toys are play-doh and blocks. Play-doh is a life-saver even if you're not arty. It's also great for teaching colours. We make all kinds of random things (fruits, flowers, sun, moon, bowl, spoon, rings, bangles, necklaces, Angry Birds, etc.) and she learns a lot along the way.
2. Books
I visit the library once or twice a week and pick up books for her. Sometimes we read together and sometimes she flips through them herself. Or you can just pick up a magazine or a newspaper and just go through it together, describing what you see. We often try to create stories around newspaper advertisements. When reading the books, you can pause before keywords and let your kid complete them. Or you can ask them to tell you the full story. It's hilarious when Xena tells me her version of the stories in the books.
3. Outdoor time
We have at least one hour of outdoor time every evening, either at the playground or the beach, or just a walk or ride in the park. Both of us love going to the beach. Sometimes we do some digging in the sand, or we play a game of 'Run, the waves are coming!' or we count the number of dogs we see at the beach, or we simply blow bubbles. She has a scooter and a bike which we alternate (she prefers the bike at the moment). To make the most of a walk or ride, ask questions, point out things and use as many new and descriptive words as possible. This does wonders for their vocabulary. Try not to be on your phone even if they are busy in the playground. Firstly because they need to be watched all the time, and secondly, the less they see you on the phone, the better it is for both of you. You can even take a ball outside and kick away. We also have a cricket set for Xena, but she prefers to play with it indoors. Good for me, because fetching the ball after her boundary shots are so much easier!
4. Water play
Sometimes I let her play for a while in the bathtub before her bath. I have a small plastic bucket, a watering can, a sponge, a fishing net and some foam numbers that stick on the bathroom tiles when wet. She LOVES to fill up the bucket, put the foam numbers in, fish them out using the fishing rod and stick them on the tiles. That's how she learnt numbers, by the way. Or she pours water on the sponge using the watering can, and squeezes away.
5. Household chores
Oh, the things I make Xena do. Child labour and all that. But she loves it all and it keeps her busy, giving me precious moments to do some real work. For example, if I'm doing the dishes, I hand her a plastic bowl and spoon and she just sits there at the kitchen entrance (she's strictly not allowed into the kitchen and she knows it) and mixes like there is no tomorrow. Or when I'm making ginger tea, I let her pound the ginger. You can only imagine how gingerly she pounds the ginger, but she has fun and that's what matters. I put her on the high chair and get her to peel boiled eggs and garlic while I do other things like chopping. When I dry clothes, I put her on (ON, not IN, ok? Just close the lid of the machine and plonk the child on top) the washing machine and she sits there, watching with great interest. When I fold clothes, I involve her. She knows what each item of clothing is called and whom it belongs to. She even tries to fold them with not much success, but enjoys the process. Sometimes I ask her to find pairs of socks in the bundle of laundry and she tries to do that. She helps me sweep the house (I have a separate broom for her, and I allocate a corner of the room to her). She can follow simple instructions, such as wiping the chairs or the refrigerator door.
6. What's in the fridge?
She loves going through the items in the fridge one by one, identifying and describing them. Of course, when she spots new items, she's thrilled and asks all about them. Before I start cooking, I open the fridge and ask her to hand me the ingredients and she takes great pride in doing that. When I need something from the freezer, she says, "Too high! Mommy, please pick me up." I pick her up and she gets me the item.
7. Scooping
I give her a bowl of say chickpeas or pasta and an empty bowl and a spoon. She tries to scoop them from the first bowl and put them in the second bowl without spilling anything. Such activities are great for fine motor skills too. Of course, you gotta watch them closely in case they try to swallow the stuff. Not a problem for me, because my kid doesn't believe in putting any food item in her mouth. Sigh.
8. Get arty
I got a set of crayons and some fingerpaint for her long long ago and we're still going strong. I put her in the high chair dressed in a full-sleeved bib to minimise the mess. Other than finger painting, sometimes we put coloured blobs on a page and firmly close the book so we get weird and interesting shapes to analyse. She spots butterflies, clouds, sheep and what not in those strange shapes. Sometimes she asks me to draw simple pictures from her books and then she colours them. Lately, we have also been experimenting with mehendi, though she insists on only Hello Kitty patterns for herself! Stressful for me! Sometimes I pick up a bit of origami on the net and together we make something cool like a jumping frog.
9. Music and dance
You still don't need TV for this. And it doesn't matter if you can't sing or dance. Your kid will still think the world of your skills. Turn on some music, hold your kid's hands, and sing and dance away! You can even make it more structured by showing her simple steps to do with her hands and feet. You can give the steps funny names, e.g. we have something called the boinka dance. As for songs, you can pick simple songs with short words and sing them together. Here's an old video of me teaching Xena 'Piyu bole'.
10. Puzzles
The great thing about puzzles is that they are time-consuming, giving you precious moments to do your chores as your kid bends laboriously over the puzzle. Initially I bought some 4-piece and 6-piece jigsaw puzzles for Xena but she never seemed to like them. I would be the one solving them for her all the time. Turns out she probably thought they were beneath her, because the moment we bought her puzzles with 12 pieces and more, she immediately took to them!
11. Bag of things
This is a great trick for when I want to do something where I can't involve her at all, such as cooking or washing dishes. I fill a rucksack or any small bag (preferably with several compartments) with random (but safe) objects. A scarf, a sock, a plastic bowl, a toy, anything at all. She has a field day opening the different compartments and discovering the objects, while I quickly get my work done. Unzipping and unbuttoning the different compartments also hone her fine motor skills. Once everything is out, I simply ask her to put it all back where it was, and that not only keeps her very very busy, it also gives me time to finish up my chores.
12. Flashcards
Flashcards are a bit controversial because many think they are too 'academic' and not exactly toys. In Xena's case, I got her the alphabet flashcards when she started showing an interest in the letters she saw in her books. I got the kind that had a picture on the back of each card. She loved them from the first day, and even now simply loves identifying the letters and then the objects behind. In no time, she had not only mastered her alphabet, she had done it without stress, and with curiosity and joy. Here's an old video of her and her flashcards.
13. Play dates!
No amount of toys can beat play dates. Since Xena is an only child, it is even more imperative that she learns how to be around other kids. So from time to time, I organise play dates for her. I'm not a big fan of large play dates, so I prefer to have a maximum of 2-4 kids. It's a great way not only to make them socialise, but to teach important things such as sharing, waiting and manners. Find kids around the same age as your kid, plonk them together with a bunch of toys, sit back and marvel. But please, intervene when needed. Especially if the kids are being selfish or doing something dangerous or bullying or hurting other kids.
14. Poppy's home!
Viv takes the same bus home every day (or at least he tries) so his expected time of arrival is quite standard. A few minutes before, I make Xena wait at the window for him and count till she sees him. She yells out, "Poppyyy!" when she spots him, making him look up and grin. She then runs to the door and starts counting there until he emerges from the lift. The bathtub foam numbers only taught her 1-9, this has taught her to count to 40.
15. One step at a time
While we are on the subject of counting, taking the stairs is also a great way to kill time, teach numbers and exercise motor skills. When she was just learning to climb stairs, we could take the stairs everywhere and I would hold her hands and count. Now she does it on her own, both the climbing and the counting.
16. Girly time!
Since Xena takes forever to grow out of each outfit, from time to time, I take out all the pretty clothes that she has received as gifts but is still too small for, and we make a fun activity out of it. She tries on each, and gives me her verdict - pretty, too big, not nice, don't like, etc. Sometimes, we organise my earrings on the rotating earring holder, and she loves to hook them there. At times, she picks some of my outfits and asks me to try them on and gives me her verdict - pretty, too big, not nice, don't like, etc. Or we take out my box of bangles and we go through all of them. She has picked up the concept of 'matching' and will tell me which earrings, shoes and bracelets go with which outfits.
17. Shadow play
Since she was much younger, she has been fascinated with shadows, as is evident from this video. We still do lots of shadow play and simple puppet shows.
18. Make up stories
She's now reached the stage where she absolutely adores listening to stories. In fact, she gives me random characters and I have to make up a story about them. For example, she would say "Hello Kitty and bicycle wala story sunna hai!" or "Plant and elephant wala story sunna hai!" and I would have to make it up on the spot. In most cases, I use the same formula. Someone needs help and someone helps. Then I include the whole thank you and you're welcome bits at the end, which she remembers so vividly, she's particular about thanking people who help her or give her something. For example, in my plant and elephant story, a plant is thirsty because the gardener forgot to water it, so the elephant brings some water in its trunk and waters the plant. The plant turns out to be a banana plant that thanks the elephant by presenting it with its favorite food - bananas.
19. Errands outside the house
Viv does almost all of our grocery shopping, but if I have a short shopping list, I take her with me and go. I point to the fruits and vegetables and she tells me their names and colours. When she spots something unfamiliar, she gets very curious and excited and quickly asks for its name. Every day, after our outdoor time, we go down to the mailbox in the basement and she likes to open it and hand me the letters. The other day, I was separating glass and plastics for the recycle bin, when it struck me that I could involve her in it. She was very excited and even proudly announced to her friend's mother whom we met on the way that we were going to "thow the containers into the recycle bin". As she grows, I intend to make her (and myself too) a little more environment-conscious.
20. Skype
I regularly skype with my parents and parents-in-law, and I involve Xena fully. She knows that her grandparents are "inside the laptop", waiting to talk to her. She greets them and shows them her toys, talks about school, and also says goodbye when it is time to go. I think we need to show kids how important it is to be in touch with our loved ones who don't live with us.
So this is my random list, and I will keep adding on. Please feel free to add yours as well for I am forever in need of more ideas. :)
"Whenever there is no post for a few weeks. I start worrying that Xena is not well. Can you just write a twitter-like post that all is well?"
Idom, one of the bar's purana bewdas, wrote this on my last post and I was really touched. Actually this is not the first time someone has told me that when I don't blog for a while, they worry about Xena's health. My apologies once again to all bewdas for falling off the face of the earth. I'm pleased to report that there have been no major issues with her health, and September was in fact, hospital-free. (Touchwood)∞
I had taken on a large project with very tight deadlines and had been working hard to complete it. It is done and dusted and I wait eagerly for the publisher to top up Xena's 'milk-and-diaper fund', which is what I call my freelance project fees. Well, it will soon be only 'milk fund' as she's almost fully toilet-trained. So before I get started on my next project and disappear again (hopefully not), I decided to take some time off this rainy Friday night (one that Viv is cursing; he has a cricket match tomorrow) to write this post.
Let me start off with Xena's latest video, where she's solving a 12-piece jigsaw puzzle and jubilantly exclaiming, "Hooooo gayaaaa!" ("It's done!" after completing it. The woman loves jigsaw puzzles. And now she's getting me interested in them too.
In the next video, she is cutting a toy cake and singing the 'Happy birthday' song. She absolutely loves birthday parties, especially the cutting of the cake, and so it leaves me utterly amazed that after eyeing the cake with such fascination, when it is time to take a bite, she simply turns her face away and says, "Don't want." I have asked this 834943504958438789 times and I will ask again, "Which kid on earth hates cake???" And ice-cream... and lollipops... and cookies... and all the other stuff that regular mommies actually have to moderate when giving their kids? Check out how readily she agrees to eat the cake in the video. You know why? Because... it's made of plastic!
However, things are looking slightly better. Her teachers tell me that on some days, she's able to eat 1/4 of a bowl for lunch (the average kid in her class eats 1-2 bowls). She's also opening up to eating grown-up solids, like microscopic pieces of pancake and cheese and pasta and paratha. Though I must say I was quite offended when she looked at the mini-paratha I made for her last week and said, "Xena scared of this big, brown bug."
Last week, she saw a parrot eat a flower on the tree outside our living room and loudly said, "Oh nooooooo! Parrot, please don't eat the flower! Eat some khana (food)... eat some spicy noodles!" Hmmmph! You're the one to talk, lady?!
She may have Viv's virgo-ness (she actually asks to see how much dirt the vacuum cleaner has collected!) but when it comes to shoes, she's all me. Muahahaha. I took out a couple of my high heels from storage after almost 4 years and was cleaning them, when she turned up, picked them up and took off!
Speaking of virgo-ness, here she is, helping Viv mop the floor as he takes a breather. I like how she struggles to maneuver the mop and yet declares confidently, "Sara dirty dirty ko bye bye kar do!" ("Say bye bye to all the dirty dirty!") And then does a victory dance when she's done!
On Navratri, she got invited to a kanya puja organised by a neighbour. I was thrilled at the chance of dressing her up in an Indian outfit, complete with bindi and bangles.
If you remember her obsession with fairness and taking turns, she was at it during the puja too. She was first in the queue and she stood there after her turn overseeing the rest of the proceedings and making sure no one cut the queue. She also glared disapprovingly at one of the other little girls who refused to stand on the thali to get her feet washed. I have a photo of that but I can't post it here as there are others' kids in it. And by the way, as expected she refused to eat the puja food (yummy puris, chana, halwa and aloo ki sabzi, which I polished off after she dutifully rejected it), but she did have the top crunchy layer of half a puri. The other mommies only had amused looks for my jubilation at this, as their kids wolfed down the food and asked for seconds.
This post has come to its end, but in answer to another bewda's comment (Ruminating Optimist's "Look forward to your post on "how to keep her engaged without switching on the TV?") I promise that's coming up next! I have been meaning to write it for ages now, so thank you for the reminder!
