Taking st-age

Bewdas and bewdis, it's time for a Bollywood poll at the bar!

Name one male and one female Bollywood celebrity who looks the best for his/her age now.

Drop your vote in the comments box. Comment moderation will stay on till the results are revealed in the next post, so you won't be able to see your (or others') comments until then. This is actually a good way to see if bewdas/bewdis read the post before yelling 'Gold!' :P

Bad Company

Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten (SSSK) is back, bringing you an exclusive interview with the writer, director and actors of the movie 'Once upon a time in Mumbaai'. Writer Rajat Arora and director Milan Luthria are seated on a couch in SSSK's treehouse. Emraan Hashmi is on another couch, and Prachi Desai is trying to inch away from him. Kangana is at the bar, drinking herself silly. Devgn is brooding because he doesn't have any other look. Randeep Hooda has made himself comfortable in a beanbag. SSSK is outside on a branch with her notepad and a pencil.

Milan (giving SSSK a strange look) - Errr... are you sure that's where you want to take the interview from?

SSSK - Oh yes, it's an inspiration thing. Don't worry about it. Shall we start?

Rajat - Sure!

SSSK - So Rajat, Milan, kya picture banayi...

Rajat & Milan (grinning) - Thank you thank you.

SSSK - Nahin, mera matlab hai... kyaaaaa picture banayi yaar... Company ki remake?!

Rajat - Company ki remake?!

SSSK - Woh bhi such a bad one? Picture ka naam rakhna tha Bad Company! (guffaws at her own joke)

Milan (stands up in indignation) - Company?! Kaun Company? Kiski Company? Main kisi Company ko nahin jaanta!

Randeep - Arre she's talking about the movie Company. Ramu ki Company. Same story as our movie, no?

Milan gives Randeep a dirty look.

SSSK - Wait, so are you saying that this is not a remake of Company?

Milan - Of course not!

Kangana - It's not?!

Rajat - Kangana! We talked about this!

SSSK - Let's see. Company was the story of a gangster and his right hand man, and their fallout. Once Upon was the story of a gangster and his right hand man, and their fallout. Both had Ajay Devgn in the lead...

Rajat - Oh please! There are obvious differences, ok? First of all, Ajay still had the 'a' in his surname when he did Company. Now he doesn't. And... and... the right hand man in Company was Vivek Oberoi and here it's Emraan Hashmi. And... Company wasn't set in the 70s ok, our movie is!

SSSK - Speaking of that... what was with the 70s? It looked so fake. It was very spoofy-70s, much like Om Shanti Om.

Milan - Ugh. Nooooo. Please stop bringing in more movies to compare!

Kangana - You mean my clothes were not inspired from Om Shanti Om?

Rajat - Aaaarghhhhh! Is bewdi ko kahan se lekar aaya re... Milan maine mana kiya tha... teri casting... aaaargghhh!

SSSK - The clothes looked really silly, didn't you think?

Ajay (mutters under his breath) - Tabhi toh I insisted on full white. Cartoon nahin lagna tha mujhe Emraan ki tarah...

Emraan - Excuse me?! I was looking like a cartoon?! Tu... tu... chalti phirti Nirma ki dukaan lag raha tha!

Milan - Guys, guys, relax. SSSK, actually the 70s theme was crucial to the story.

SSSK - But why?!

Rajat - Errr... What do you mean why? (looks at Milan for help, who shrugs helplessly)

SSSK - My theory is that the dialogue of this movie was written in the 70s... so you decided to make it a 70s movie. Am I right?

Rajat - WHAT?!

SSSK - Of course. Who talks like that anymore? Which movie has dialogues like 'Aaj ka kaam kal karunga toh aaj bura maan jayega' and 'Main teri dua khaunga' and 'Ghoda jab langda ho jata hai toh uska ek hi anjaam hota hai'?

Rajat (turning red with rage) - Stop. Asking. Questions.

SSSK - And what's with the spelling of Mumbai as Mumbaai in the title?

Milan - Dammit, Ektaaaaaa!

Rajat - Maine mana kiya tha, Milan...

Milan - She's the frickin' producer! What was I supposed to do?

SSSK - Hmmm... Ok, Ajay, let me ask you something. Do you now give a discount to producers who cast you in gangster movies? Why are you doing the same thing again and again?

Ajay - Grrrr...

SSSK - Udhar Kajol is back to her shrieking self -- I just saw the trailer of 'We are family'. Naya kaam nahin mil raha hai kya dono ko?

Ajay - GRRR...

SSSK - And what about you, Kangana? Why do you keep playing the same role in all movies?

Kangana - Same role? All movies? That's not true. See, usually I play a psychotic actress or model who's in love with the wrong guy, and she is addicted to drugs and alcohol and dies in the end, right?

SSSK - Yep. That sums it up nicely.

Kangana - Well, in this movie I play an... uhh... actress... who is... uhhh... in love with a gangster... uhh... and she has a drink with him every day and uhh...

SSSK (grinning broadly) - Yes, go on?

Kangana - Oh... hmmm... good point. But hey, I am not psychotic and I am not a drug addict in this movie, okay?

SSSK - But your character is.. guess what... dying... again!

Kangana - Hmm... another good point. But hey, usually I die in my movies by committing suicide okay??? In this movie, I am dying of... con... congee...

Rajat (sighs) - Congenital heart disease, Kangana...

Kangana - Yeah! That one! So there! I don't kill myself. See? See?

SSSK - Sigh... Emraan, your turn now. Same question. Why do you keep playing the same guy in all movies?

Emraan - What?! That's not true! I usually play this grey-to-negative character who only has bedroom scenes, right?

SSSK - Right.

Emraan - Well, in this movie, my character is...uhh... kind of grey... to negative...

SSSK - Uh huh...

Emraan - But hey, not every scene is a bedroom scene, okay?? In fact, I have some very nice scenes. There's a very romantic one where I watch the movie Bobby and then I buy the Bobby outfit for Prachi and make her wear it...

SSSK - And what's the scene right after that? Once she wears it?

Emraan - Uhhh.... forget that. There are other scenes... like the one where I go to a pub with my guy friends and we're just chilling out?

SSSK - And what's the scene right after that?

Emraan - Uhhh...

SSSK - And now you, Prachi! Same question.

Prachi - Hey I am only two movies old.

SSSK - And your second movie also shows you as this seedhi saadhi ladki who is trying to get her man to change his ways?

Prachi - Erm... uh... I'm pretty, okay? Okay! No one cares what role I play.

SSSK - And you, Randeep. What the hell was your character? Why didn't you just kill Ajay and Emraan when you had a chance? You kept talking about Emraan as the mohra but he wasn't even on your side. And when he tried to kill Ajay, you tried to stop him. What on earth was your role?? Why would you blame everything on yourself and try to kill yourself after 18 years?? WHY??????

Randeep - Arre! Emotional mat ho. I am just happy I got a movie yaar. Who cares that the character is dim-witted as long as he's a hot cop? I was hot, wasn't I? What a contrast to Mohanlal, eh? (looks at Rajat and Milan)

Rajat (grinding his teeth) - AAAARGHHH!!!

Milan - For the last time, this is NOT a remake of Company!!!!

SSSK - Okay okay, calm down. One last question, okay?

Rajat - Okay fine...

SSSK - So what was the whole...um... point of the movie?

Milan - All right. That's it. The interview ends right here. Pack up!

Not a good sign

There is this temple near the community centre where I play badminton and I only recently noticed the sign it has outside. Now I am not a big fan of temple signs, not since the time I visited Jagannath Puri as a kid and saw this rather shocking sign in big and bold -- "ONLY HINDUS ALLOWED".

So when I saw this sign, I was curious whether temples in Singapore also did the same thing. Well, I was very pleasantly surprised to read what the sign said...

"THIS PLACE OF HOLINESS IS FOR PEOPLE OF ALL RELIGIONS AND RACES. THERE IS NO CONVERSION REQUIRED."

...until I read the last line.

"EVERYONE IS DEEMED TO BE A HINDU."

:|

In search of the truth - II

As I mentioned in this post, yup, it's indeed going to be a regular feature. Here's the July list of keywords people were searching for when they landed at the bar. I have, of course, compiled the 'best' ones, and by 'best' I obviously mean the most random/funny/weird/disturbing ones.

• tumhari shawl
• funny dumb charade ideas
• aamir chicken
• meaning of shamme faroza
• scratch that
• tol mol ke bol dialogue
• how much is the taipan dinner at PC karachi
• helicopter accident of bihar jharkhand leaders
• agar tu mera acha chahti hai to mujhe jaane de dialogue of wich film
• remix sayad meri saadi ka khayal
• bhaigiri lines
• dhoni fiancee sakshi singh picture
• the saris on indian tv serials
• Chad gaya upar re atariya meaning
• how many uncles does lily have sayesha
• Muhaaaa t-shirt
• Na ma na signal dekha na tu na signal dekha accident ho gaya o permanent ho gaya Rabba Rabba
• Manjeshwar lovely girls
• madhuri duplicate farheen
• sayesha rocks
• sayesha dhakkan
• clerk gunda jaani dushman
• baingan bharta kids
• hota hai hota hai ab hum jaake sota hai
• aunties.blogspot.com-content warning
• tumhara naam simran hai dialog
• blogs I might enjoy site:sayesha.blogspot.com
• rohit mian
• zindagi hai behne dosite:youtube.com
• samosa recipes indian video in hindi for sanjiv kumar
• frand ship
• horlicks based mocktails
• hasti rahe tu hasti rahe translation
• manaofy
• you could've gone places "i am going places" swades
• khoka peti
• sexy kahaniii
• tamil dirty stores.com
• cuttack ka maal
• dude meaning in tamil
• who put the goat in there
• dialogue of bhaigiri
• baigan bhartha after peeling brinjal
• soni de nakhre lyrics kaindi
• sayesha frand
• fardeen khan on crutches
• ab game main hi khelunga aur patte
• timbacktoo
• cool things to write on a goodbye card
• kabir ke dohe non veg
• Tu premi aha main premi aha tu raazi aha tu raazi aha
• salaam namaste ghost of the foot's not listening to the talks

Pa-nick attack

You know how some annoying seniors give you a horrible nickname in school or university which just sticks and everyone starts calling you that to the point that many people actually never find out your real name? Well, I found myself in a similar situation recently.

I was at the wedding dinner of a junior from university where I met several other juniors. One of them came over to say hi and introduced his fiancée to me. (I still can't imagine these 'kids I had ragged ten years ago' having fiancées and wives. To me they will always be the clueless bacha party, even though some of them actually have a bacha party of their own.)

He then leaned over and whispered something to her, pointing at me.

"What did you tell her?" I asked rather shamelessly.

"Oh, I just told her that you're the one who had given me the nickname 'Jagga' in university."

Oh gosh! Of course. I remembered it vividly. I'd asked him his name on the first day of ragging and he had told me. "Well, no. Today onwards you're Jagga, ok?" I'd said to him. He couldn't protest. It was Day 1 for him, and I was two years his senior. And he remained Jagga to everyone through all his years of university, many of them totally unaware of his real name.

Oh gosh! How he must have hated me! Jagga?? Sheesh. What was I thinking?? How glad I was that the whole thing was ten years behind us! Ten years is a long time. All was well.

But it's always safe to check.

"But no one calls you Jagga anymore, right? Hehehe..." I asked, grinning nervously.

"Well... actually... everyone still does." He said.

:|

Exchange of words

Pre-script - Before I get to the post, I need to go into a totally unrelated subject and apologise. Okay, basically whenever I get a friend request on Facebook and the name seems unfamiliar, I straightaway hit 'ignore'. (Could be a result of my terrible Orkut experience -- too many people wanting to do frand shib with honest and lovely total stranger you see). Recently, I saw an email alert from FB about a friendship request from a person called D who had also appended a message to tell me she was a purani bewdi from the bar. Thing is, I had probably already ignored all friend requests on FB and the link in the email alert also did not let me go to D's profile. It just took me to the 'Confirm requests' page and she's not there anymore. I searched for her name and there were two and I sent an email to the first one and she ignored me. Haha! Basically, I would like to send a big apology to D and any other bewdas/bewdis whom I may have ignored on FB.

***

Okay, now let's get to today's post.

So this happened when 'Hothon se chhoo lo tum' was playing on the radio while I was cooking. I know almost all oldies by heart so I started singing along. When I came to this part:

Na umra ki seema ho
Na janma ka ho bandhan
Jab pyaar karey koi
Toh dekhe kewal mann

I knew the lyrics, I heard it right, but I had a strong evil desire to sing:

Na umra ki seema ho
Na janma ka ho bandhan
Jab pyaar karey koi
Toh dekhe kewal dhan!

This reminded me of the time Viv and I used to be obsessed with this song from Drona:

Teri bandgi
Jeena na de
Teri bandgi
Jeene na de

One saturday I woke up to find that Viv had opened his cricket kit (which is so big it can fit a grown man) and spread out all his mud-splattered cricket stuff in the middle of the dining room! I was so annoyed at the dirty mess I told him I wanted to sing this:

Teri gandgi
Jeena na de
Teri gandgi
Jeene na de

Do you have any songs in mind where you substitute one word with another (rhyming) word on purpose, because it completely changes the meaning of the song, and yet makes perfect sense (albeit in a twisted manner)?

The parent trap

Okay I am going to behave like one of those annoying women in those annoying teleshopping channels who hold up the WonderMop or some such thing, show their annoyingly dazzling teeth and say, "This works! Like magic!"

I am going to hold up this post, give it a little shake to get your attention, and then with a dazzling smile declare, "This works! Like magic!"

Why?

Well, I just got an email from my Dad that made me almost fall off my chair.

"We're thinking of visiting you in September..." it said.

:O

Raising the bar(ah)

18 July 2010.

This song marks the completion of my 12th year in Singapore.

Chhota sa yeh island hai
Baju mein Malaysia Thailand hai
Bhai toh surrendered wholly hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Winter hai na spring hai
Bas suryadev hi king hai
Aur baarish humjoli hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Chaar bhasha mein sign hai
Har cheez pe tagda fine hai
Apun dil mein hi manata holi hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Padosi kaun hai pata nahin
Pan isme kisi ki khata nahin
Koi bole na apni boli hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Aisa anokha nation hai
Apun ka love-hate ka relation hai
Rishta bana yeh slowly hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Going green?

Them - "What else?"

Me - "Nothing much. When are you coming here?"

I cannot remember how many times I have had this exact exchange with my parents. These words are uttered without fail towards the end of every single phone conversation with them. Bole toh sabko dialogue by heart ho gaya hai.

And my "When are you coming here?" is inevitably followed by the hazaar bahanas they supply, ranging from visa-jhanjhat-problem to workers-are-laying-the-roof-on-the-new-house-problem to no-direct-flight-to-Singapore-problem to more creative ones such as Dad's "But what about my garden? My pumpkins will get stolen!" to Mom's "I can come but who will take care of your Dad?" (Well, I can't really blame her, He is like a child sometimes. Once she left him to arrange for his own lunch and came back to find out that he'd had a litre of milk. Yes, a litre of milk. For lunch. Sheesh. My dad, ladies and gentlemen.)

And oh oh oh, the most annoying excuse they have? "Arre wahan jaakar hum kya karenge?" ("What will we go and do there?") Aaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!!

The in-laws are leaving next week and it's now time for me to try once again to get the other set of parents over before the end of the year. It has been quite futile so far (in my 12 years in Singapore, they have bestowed upon me a grand total of two visits) so I figured I had to change my strategy. Instead of repeating the above dialogues for the zillionth time, I decided to go the ahem, 'green way'.

So in a landmark conversation last week, this is what happened after the usual exchange of news:

Them - "What else?"

Me - "Nothing much. Ooh Amma and I are making matar paneer."

Mom - "Oh...."

Dad - "Matar paneer? Arre wah!"

Me - "Yep. We just got back from shopping. Got some awesome stuff."

Mom - "And I suppose you made your usual masala chai for your Amma and your Appa and had it together?" (She knows my in-laws love my masala chai.)

Me - "Of course!" (It was a lie. We hadn't had chai that day.)

Dad - "Ok... what else have you been doing?"

Me - "Oh, just going shopping and watching movies and going to the beach and cooking new dishes together..."

Mom - "You're all having a lot of fun, isn't it?"

Me (casual tone) - Yeah.

Mom - Hmmm... what else?

Me - Nothing much.

Mom - Nothing?

Me - Yeah. Nothing.

Mom - Hmm... Ok...

Me - Ok. Gotta go. Bye.

***

Now I wait and watch. Muahahaha! :D

Arz kiya hai...

Poochhne se kya milega, woh toh bas bhaav khaate hain
Bhaav dena toh band karo, phir dekho kaise aate hain.

Waxing lyrical

I have never really followed Indian Idol the way I am following season 5. On Youtube, of course. One of my weekend rituals is to catch up on the proceedings and obviously, hurl abuses at Tia (Guys, will you please just stop voting for her?!).

I am rooting for Sreeram, because of three reasons:

Reasonable reason: He sings very well.
Reasonably reasonable reason: He has a very nice smile.
Unreasonable reason: I have a thing for South Indian guys who speak perfect Hindi (Don't tell Viv I married him for that!)

Jai Sreeram!

Sreeram had always rocked every episode (see his rendition of Breathless and also Khwaja mere khwaja that almost made Sanju Baba cry) but I became an out and out Sreeram fan when after he sang 'Dilbar mere' (video below; see if it doesn't give you goosebumps. Yes, the guys too).



Anyway, I digress. Even though I have been going on and on about him, this post is not about Sreeram, it's about the song. Since I heard him sing this song, I have been obsessed with it and play it on loop all day long and also loudly on the road (when it is sunsaan). I had mentioned in my Facebook status about how well he sang the part 'Main aag dil mein laga doonga woh, ki pal mein pighal jaaoge' and how I am totally pighlo'ed, when a friend reminded me of other lines in the antara like 'Sochoge jab mere baare mein tanhaaiyon mein' which are again super pighlao-material. The lyrics in such songs really do get to you, unlike today's 'Kaindi ponn ponn ponn'.

I started to think of other such songs with lyrics the hero croons with a form of desirable arrogance, which have a tendency to make girls go weak in the knees. Only two came to mind -- 'Is tarah aashiqui ka' from Imtihaan and 'Main yahaan hoon' from Veer-Zaara.

Do you have any such songs in mind? :)