Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Bad Company

Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten (SSSK) is back, bringing you an exclusive interview with the writer, director and actors of the movie 'Once upon a time in Mumbaai'. Writer Rajat Arora and director Milan Luthria are seated on a couch in SSSK's treehouse. Emraan Hashmi is on another couch, and Prachi Desai is trying to inch away from him. Kangana is at the bar, drinking herself silly. Devgn is brooding because he doesn't have any other look. Randeep Hooda has made himself comfortable in a beanbag. SSSK is outside on a branch with her notepad and a pencil.

Milan (giving SSSK a strange look) - Errr... are you sure that's where you want to take the interview from?

SSSK - Oh yes, it's an inspiration thing. Don't worry about it. Shall we start?

Rajat - Sure!

SSSK - So Rajat, Milan, kya picture banayi...

Rajat & Milan (grinning) - Thank you thank you.

SSSK - Nahin, mera matlab hai... kyaaaaa picture banayi yaar... Company ki remake?!

Rajat - Company ki remake?!

SSSK - Woh bhi such a bad one? Picture ka naam rakhna tha Bad Company! (guffaws at her own joke)

Milan (stands up in indignation) - Company?! Kaun Company? Kiski Company? Main kisi Company ko nahin jaanta!

Randeep - Arre she's talking about the movie Company. Ramu ki Company. Same story as our movie, no?

Milan gives Randeep a dirty look.

SSSK - Wait, so are you saying that this is not a remake of Company?

Milan - Of course not!

Kangana - It's not?!

Rajat - Kangana! We talked about this!

SSSK - Let's see. Company was the story of a gangster and his right hand man, and their fallout. Once Upon was the story of a gangster and his right hand man, and their fallout. Both had Ajay Devgn in the lead...

Rajat - Oh please! There are obvious differences, ok? First of all, Ajay still had the 'a' in his surname when he did Company. Now he doesn't. And... and... the right hand man in Company was Vivek Oberoi and here it's Emraan Hashmi. And... Company wasn't set in the 70s ok, our movie is!

SSSK - Speaking of that... what was with the 70s? It looked so fake. It was very spoofy-70s, much like Om Shanti Om.

Milan - Ugh. Nooooo. Please stop bringing in more movies to compare!

Kangana - You mean my clothes were not inspired from Om Shanti Om?

Rajat - Aaaarghhhhh! Is bewdi ko kahan se lekar aaya re... Milan maine mana kiya tha... teri casting... aaaargghhh!

SSSK - The clothes looked really silly, didn't you think?

Ajay (mutters under his breath) - Tabhi toh I insisted on full white. Cartoon nahin lagna tha mujhe Emraan ki tarah...

Emraan - Excuse me?! I was looking like a cartoon?! Tu... tu... chalti phirti Nirma ki dukaan lag raha tha!

Milan - Guys, guys, relax. SSSK, actually the 70s theme was crucial to the story.

SSSK - But why?!

Rajat - Errr... What do you mean why? (looks at Milan for help, who shrugs helplessly)

SSSK - My theory is that the dialogue of this movie was written in the 70s... so you decided to make it a 70s movie. Am I right?

Rajat - WHAT?!

SSSK - Of course. Who talks like that anymore? Which movie has dialogues like 'Aaj ka kaam kal karunga toh aaj bura maan jayega' and 'Main teri dua khaunga' and 'Ghoda jab langda ho jata hai toh uska ek hi anjaam hota hai'?

Rajat (turning red with rage) - Stop. Asking. Questions.

SSSK - And what's with the spelling of Mumbai as Mumbaai in the title?

Milan - Dammit, Ektaaaaaa!

Rajat - Maine mana kiya tha, Milan...

Milan - She's the frickin' producer! What was I supposed to do?

SSSK - Hmmm... Ok, Ajay, let me ask you something. Do you now give a discount to producers who cast you in gangster movies? Why are you doing the same thing again and again?

Ajay - Grrrr...

SSSK - Udhar Kajol is back to her shrieking self -- I just saw the trailer of 'We are family'. Naya kaam nahin mil raha hai kya dono ko?

Ajay - GRRR...

SSSK - And what about you, Kangana? Why do you keep playing the same role in all movies?

Kangana - Same role? All movies? That's not true. See, usually I play a psychotic actress or model who's in love with the wrong guy, and she is addicted to drugs and alcohol and dies in the end, right?

SSSK - Yep. That sums it up nicely.

Kangana - Well, in this movie I play an... uhh... actress... who is... uhhh... in love with a gangster... uhh... and she has a drink with him every day and uhh...

SSSK (grinning broadly) - Yes, go on?

Kangana - Oh... hmmm... good point. But hey, I am not psychotic and I am not a drug addict in this movie, okay?

SSSK - But your character is.. guess what... dying... again!

Kangana - Hmm... another good point. But hey, usually I die in my movies by committing suicide okay??? In this movie, I am dying of... con... congee...

Rajat (sighs) - Congenital heart disease, Kangana...

Kangana - Yeah! That one! So there! I don't kill myself. See? See?

SSSK - Sigh... Emraan, your turn now. Same question. Why do you keep playing the same guy in all movies?

Emraan - What?! That's not true! I usually play this grey-to-negative character who only has bedroom scenes, right?

SSSK - Right.

Emraan - Well, in this movie, my character is...uhh... kind of grey... to negative...

SSSK - Uh huh...

Emraan - But hey, not every scene is a bedroom scene, okay?? In fact, I have some very nice scenes. There's a very romantic one where I watch the movie Bobby and then I buy the Bobby outfit for Prachi and make her wear it...

SSSK - And what's the scene right after that? Once she wears it?

Emraan - Uhhh.... forget that. There are other scenes... like the one where I go to a pub with my guy friends and we're just chilling out?

SSSK - And what's the scene right after that?

Emraan - Uhhh...

SSSK - And now you, Prachi! Same question.

Prachi - Hey I am only two movies old.

SSSK - And your second movie also shows you as this seedhi saadhi ladki who is trying to get her man to change his ways?

Prachi - Erm... uh... I'm pretty, okay? Okay! No one cares what role I play.

SSSK - And you, Randeep. What the hell was your character? Why didn't you just kill Ajay and Emraan when you had a chance? You kept talking about Emraan as the mohra but he wasn't even on your side. And when he tried to kill Ajay, you tried to stop him. What on earth was your role?? Why would you blame everything on yourself and try to kill yourself after 18 years?? WHY??????

Randeep - Arre! Emotional mat ho. I am just happy I got a movie yaar. Who cares that the character is dim-witted as long as he's a hot cop? I was hot, wasn't I? What a contrast to Mohanlal, eh? (looks at Rajat and Milan)

Rajat (grinding his teeth) - AAAARGHHH!!!

Milan - For the last time, this is NOT a remake of Company!!!!

SSSK - Okay okay, calm down. One last question, okay?

Rajat - Okay fine...

SSSK - So what was the point of the movie?

Milan - All right. That's it. The interview ends right here. Pack up!


Rabi Agrawal said...

Hilarious as always!


sher khan said...

hahahhaha :-)

its Mohanlal not mamooty but!

Boundless Eccentricity said...

I remember the amrud(Guavava) scene. One of the most horrible memeories of this movie.
BTW Gold again.

trulyrealistic said...

Mammotty... its lalettan :)

~ Lopa said...

hahaha funny take on the movie.
We haven't watched it yet, but it's surprising that why is it getting good reviews, we were thinking to watch it after that but now i read your review, so i am thinking...thinking...thinking ... :P

mythalez said...

rofl! I didn't see the movie and now obviously I don't have to see it :D

my fav dialogue from the interview: "nirma ka dukaan" hhehe

pRasad said...

Randeep Hooda doesn't kill either of them because he is seedha sadha cop of 70s era..when gang war was not started.. Vaise bhi, agar Ajay Devgan mar gaya to public bura man jayegi ...**see..the effect of the movie is still fresh on me**

But I appreciate the person who has aptly choosed Randeep Hooda for the role of Silly Cop..hehhee

Still, overall I liked the keeps you indulged in what's going to be next

Arun said...

Will read through it later, but I'm already smitten myself by a treehouse with beanbag, bar and room for 3-4 people. :)

ecolectrik said...

Awesome blog! Reached here through someone else's blog and have been hooked since.. Love the way you write..!

sagar said...

Awesome post bhai!
was missing SSSK for some time now.
You should do this review-interview more often bhai...cheers!

Somya said...

Great review..bhai I was just wondering that isnt it time for SSSK to go international and enthrall us with the interview of Eclipse starcast. I would love to read your take on that movie...

Endless Road.. said...

I have only one question for on earth do u think of all this!!! U r amazing!
btw..silver and bronze!!

Sayesha said...

#Yours truly,
Thanks. :)

#sher khan,
Oops, I was thinking Mohanlal but typed Mammooty! I've corrected it, thanks! :)

#Boundless Eccentricity,
Hahahaha! "Mehengi cheez nahin mili toh saste ko mehenge mein le liya!" LOL! :D

Yep, I corrected it. :)

YEAH!! You know I read FOUR reviews before going for it and ALL FOUR gave the movie 4 stars out of 5!!!! Itna bada dhokha!!!! :/


//Vaise bhi, agar Ajay Devgan mar gaya to public bura man jayegi ..


Don't tell me you have not read SSSK before! She has done tons of interviews in the treehouse. She bought the (portable) treehouse in 2008. :D

Welcome and thank you! :D

Hehehe... yeah she was on a hiatus for a few months but had to return after this movie! :D

Aila! Eclipse? You mean vampire-shampire? :O

#Endless Road,
Thank you! :)

Porkodi (பொற்கொடி) said...

you. are. unbelievable.

and, why do you keep playing the same role? (to SSSK.. doing puppy shame for all trash movies.. :D and making us go ROTFL!)

Sudeep said...

Movie dekhta yeh wali toh shayad aur jyada pasand aata post, but funny as always (esp. the same question parts)

btw, reviews mein Hooda and Devgn ki tareef ki thi critics compared to the other characters.

VIDYA said...

long time no comment (me,that is) :D
haha..brilliant interview!
chalti phirti nirmaa ki dukaan...shit,that line cracked me up :D !

Arun said...

I'm a slow reader :) Please let me know where I can order a portable treehouse. I assume there are portable trees, too? :D

Anonymous said...


Akshatha Shetty said...

Tu... tu... chalti phirti Nirma ki dukaan lag raha tha! write so welll.

antithesis said...

This is prachi desai's third movie . . Not second, the second one was life partner
Neway the post is hilarious

Taurus Girl said...

Awesome post...
ROFL @ nirma ki dukaan...
The movie had really cheesy dialogues... gr8 theory @ movie dialogues were written in the 70's.. :D

Arun said...

Got past imagining tree houses. Brilliant!

Anonymous said...


Baatein unkahi si said...

Finally... SSSK is back..I have missed that so much :-)
And back with a bang!!
Most of the time, I don't get to watrch the movies, but after reading your reviews and SSSK, I find themmuch more entertaining than the movie itself !!
Seriously bhai, KJo ki movie ke dialogue likhna consider kiya hai kya kabhi?

raja said...

Had me ROFL all the way.
Thanks, Sayesha. :-)

Neha said...

I was expecting so much of the movie and it turned out to be such a decent watch! We want more! I find Ajay so intolerable with his same brooding look....but you know what I found as the best part of the movie? Forget everything else, but the background score was brilliant..don't u think so?