I didn't have the chance to catch India's Got Talent on TV but Youtube ki jai ho, I came across the winning final act -- Dashavtara (the ten avtaras of Vishnu). Prince Dance Group, made up of 26 daily wage labourers, have created something so beautiful, your heart will ache for reasons you won't know.
"Is pachaas laakh ki hum logon ko chaah nahin hai, balki iski sakht zaroorat hai."
("We don't desire the 50-lakh prize. We desperately need it.")
Watch their semi-final performance here -- it's not every day that you see Shekhar Kapoor crying so bad he can hardly speak.
(Okay I admit I too shed ganga-jamuna bigtime.)
Friday, August 28, 2009
Prince... Charming!
Posted by Sayesha at 20:10 23 bewdas got fultu talli!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A close call
In order to see if Baby Aish had graduated from depositing everyone in the office when you asked her where they were, I decided to repeat some of the questions I had asked her some time ago.
So I got her on the phone and asked away.
Me - Where's your Mom, Aishu?
Aish - Mom is here.
Me - Very good. And where's your Dad?
Aish - Dad is in New York.
(Bro-in-law had gone there for some work.)
Me - Excellent. And where are grandma and grandpa?
Aish - Hmmm...
Sister (prompting) - Where are grandma and grandpa, Aish?
Aish - Grandma and Grandpa... are in India!
Me - Very good! And most importantly, where is mausi?
Aish - Hmmmmmmm...
Sister (prompting again) - Where is your mausi, Aish?
Aish (stressed) - Hmmmmmmm...
Sister - Come on, Aish. You know where Mausi lives. Tell her? Where does Mausi live?
Aish (really stressed now) - Hmmmmmmm... Mausi lives...
Me - Yes?
Aish - Inside the telephone!
Me - :|
Posted by Sayesha at 22:17 22 bewdas got fultu talli!
Labels: Tiny Tapori
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Coffee ad-dict
I want the most out of my life. I expect even more from my coffee?
Posted by Sayesha at 07:06 16 bewdas got fultu talli!
Labels: Odd ads
Friday, August 21, 2009
Vote of no confidence
It's about 10 pm. A dozen cars are parked around a treehouse. Dark sillhouettes are slowly making their way up the ladder, each holding a memo. It is too dark to see the memo but here's what it says:
"You have seen voted as one of the blokes who our bewdas think should retire from showbiz. If you have anything to say in your defence, make your way to SSSK's treehouse tonight at 10 pm."
Soon everyone is comfortably seated in the living room of the treehouse. Who do we have now? Govinda, Tusshar Kapoor, Fardeen Khan, Suneil Shetty, Uday Chopra, Rani Mukherji, Himesh Reshammiya, Priyanka Chopra, Dev Anand and Deepika Padukone. SSSK counts the number of people on an attendance list. Some of the people she had sent the memo to are not there -- Vidya Balan, Amisha Patel, Abhishek Bachchan, Aamir Khan, Chunkey Pandey, Aishwarya Rai, etc.
SSSK (murmurs) - Well, the memo did say, "If you have anything to say in your defence, make your way to SSSK's treehouse..."
SSSK serves her guests pani puri ka pani on the rocks. Outside, on one of the branches, the same owl as last time goes 'Oooooooooo'. Everyone turns to look at Himesh. Just like the last time.
Himesh (irritated) - Offo! Again?! It's not me! Damn that owl. SSSK, please stop having these meetings at 10 pm.
Govinda - Kyun, Himesh Bhaiya? Scared of competition kya? (points to the owl)
Himesh - The ullu is not my competition! In fact, I have no competition. Let me tell you that now toh I am even more unique than I was before. I just got throat surgery done so I could have another voice in addition to my original voice. Beat that!
Govinda (grinning) - So let me get this straight. In addition to ullus, now you will be competition to gadhas also?
Himesh glares at Govinda.
Suddenly the door opens and Salman Khan enters the room with Katrina on his arm.
Tusshar (too excited) - Arre, look everyone, Katrina is here! Katrina ko bhi vota mila kya?
Deepika (whispers to Priyanka) - Whenever Salman feels insecure, he gets Katrina along, eh?
Priyanka (whispers back) - Umm... I don't talk to you.
Tusshar (still excited) - Hi Katrina! You got voted too? Me too!
Katrina (unlocks her arm from Salman's to look at her fingernails) - Please. I'm here to give Salman company. I didn't "get voted". *makes air quotes* In fact, I just got the Rajiv Gandhi award for Best Actress.
Govinda - Kar lo baat. Rajiv Gandhi award. Haha! Arre that's only because Rajiv Gandhi had a thing for phoren women who live in India and speak bad Hindi.
Katrina - What nonsense! Mera Hindi bohot aachi hai, okhay?
Dev Anand - Best actress... yeh din aa gaye hain... Looks like Bollywood has gone to the dogs...
Salman - Actually it has gone to the Kats... heh heh!
Katrina glares at Salman.
Suniel - So SSSK, what's happening? How do we proceed to decide who should retire?
SSSK - I was thinking... let's send home the people with the fewest votes. The rest of you can then fight it out.
There is a general murmur of agreement.
SSSK starts counting the votes.
SSSK - Uday Chopra - 1 vote.
Uday gets up and leaves.
Priyanka (seething) - That Chopra gets to go home before me?!
SSSK - Deepika Padukone 1 vote.
Deepika gets up and leaves.
Priyanka - WHAT?! Even her?!
SSSK - Rani Mukherji and Priyanka Chopra - 2 votes each.
Priyanka - Okay something is wrong. Rani is so over, and we get the same number of votes?
Rani - Rani is so over?! Excuse me?! Wait till you watch Dil Bole Hadippa!
Priyanka - Yeah yeah I have seen the trailers. Aaawaz toh mardon ki hai hi... ab role bhi mardon wala... good, my competition is dying off...
Both leave in a huff.
SSSK - Suneil Shetty and Govinda - 2 votes each.
Suniel Shetty - Eh? People voted for me? That means they still remember me! YEAY!
Fardeen - Same pinch, Suniel!
Suniel pumps his fist in the air, does some body-builder poses, and leaves the room.
Himesh - Govinda is safe too? Govinda bhaiya, ab toh aapki beti Narmada heroine banne wali hai, ab toh retire ho jao.
Govinda - Abhi nahin. You have seen what happens to star kids... no offence, Tusshar and Fardeen! I will take the Anil Kapoor route... you can't trust the kids to be successful these days... it's better to keep your career up because they will let you down anyway.
Himesh - Lekin sharam karo yaar... kab tak yellow pants mein dance karoge?
Govinda - Look who's talking about yellow. If I could show everyone the URL I have in mind, well, I would!
Himesh - Shut up!
Govinda - You shut up!
Everyone looks at Govinda expectantly.
Govinda - Oh, I have to leave now?
Everyone nods. Govinda gets up.
Himesh - Govinda Bhaiya, wait for me. I'll be out soon. You want to share a cab?
Govinda (showing a 'Govinda' grin) - Kya Himesbhai, dil ki baat bol di!
They sit down again, while everyone looks at them and then at one another in surprise and confusion.
SSSK - Dev Anand, Himesh, Salman, Amitabh, Fardeen - 3 votes each.
Dev Anand - Meri toh yeh samajh mein nahin aata... what makes people think I haven't retired? When did they last see me? Where did they last see me?
Dev Anand shakes his head and leaves. Himesh and Govinda leave too.
SSSK - Amitabh Bachchan couldn't make it, he sent a note saying he's too old to attend these retirement discussions. Let the youngsters have fun, he said.
Fardeen - Bloody sarcastic buddha...
Salman - I can't believe I got 3 votes!
Katrina (to Salman) - See? I told you so. Mene kaaha thi tumse? Retire ho jao. Mein hoon na? Mein bohot successful hoon na?
SSSK - Huh? What's she saying?
Salman (annoyed) - Don't ask. Aadha time yeh kya bolti hai meri samajh mein bhi nahin aata...
Salman and Katrina leave.
SSSK - Fardeen, you can leave. You're safe. Tusshar has 5 votes.
Fardeen - Naah, I'll stay for a bit and watch the fun. So Tusshar, huh? Sorry buddy, but I think you definitely should retire.
Tusshar - Retire my foot! My sister is all over television. If I want, I can also do that.
SSSK - Errr... how?
Tusshar - Arre one phonecall and Didi will kill off all the male characters and replace them with me. (getting carried away) I will play everyone! Muahahahaha! EVERYONE! Back me up, Fardeen! If you do, I'll ask Didi to have you play all the Ramu Kakas!
Fardeen - Umm... I don't know man... You see, I don't really look like a Ramu Kaka... you do though!
Tusshar - Sheesh. You're useless, man!
Fardeen - Hey, no kidding! All my directors say that too!
Tusshar - ALL? Ha! You mean like... erm... both?
Fardeen (thinks hard to find a way to insult Tusshar back) - So tell us Tusshar, did you change your name because your sister can't spell for nuts, or did you change it because the first four letters of your original name spelt true to what you are - an ASS? *guffaws*
Tusshar (defensive) - Oh please. Didi ko beech mein mat lao. It's numerology!
SSSK (suddenly starts singing) - Numerology mein pass.... baaki sab mein fail!
Tusshar glares at SSSK, who stops singing.
Fardeen (gleefully) - So Tusshar it is?
SSSK - Actually... not if I count only one vote per bewda. The winner of this poll is...
Fardeen and Tusshar - *GASP* WHO?
SSSK - He sends his apologies, but he says he couldn't make it because he was detained in Newark Airport for 2 hours...
Fardeen - *GASP* Shah Rukh Khan!
Tusshar - But wait a minute, this is old news from a few days ago! He's already back!
Fardeen - Hmm... My guess is that he's going to be mentioning this whenever he can until 'My name is Khan' releases...
Posted by Sayesha at 21:34 23 bewdas got fultu talli!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Quit it!
Okay, so the poll of the month is to pick the one Bollywood actor or actress who should seriously quit showbiz. It's high time. It could be because he/she is too old for the roles offered or too untalented or just plain too much. All reasons, no matter how odd, will be accepted.
Do drop your vote (and reason) in the comments box. Only one vote is allowed per bewda/bewdi.
PS: Comment moderation will stay on till the results are revealed in the next post.
Posted by Sayesha at 20:46 51 bewdas got fultu talli!
Labels: poll of the month
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sadak chhaap maal
So this was supposed to be my Independence Day post, but the day was pretty much spent outdoors so I couldn't get down to it. I woke up at 6.15 am -- earlier than I do on weekdays, as a bunch of us had decided to go to the Indian Embassy for the flag hoisting. So there we were, coincidentally dressed in the colours of the Indian flag. Sumanth was the orange, I was the white and Pizzadude was the green. Since Shub was dressed in black, we decided that she was erm, the flagpole. Viv couldn't join us as he was at the run-bhoomi, playing for paraya desh.
Anyway, going back to the original post I'd wanted to write for Independence Day, it was to list five unforgettable street food items I had in India when I was a kid. So here it is, my top five list of food items that I can almost 'taste' even now, if I close my eyes and think about them really really hard.
All right, it's 11.57 pm and I am going to bed now, and I hope some of these appear in my dreams at least. But before I sign off, I would like to tag all street-food-loving bewdas to do up their own lists. I would also like to tag bloggers who have tagged me on something or the other but whose tags I haven't taken up yet. If you ignore this tag, we will be even and I won't feel so bad anymore. :P
Posted by Sayesha at 23:57 24 bewdas got fultu talli!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Back-handed methods
I saw this ad on a bus yesterday and thought it was kinda sick. I just found out that it won TODAY newspaper's 'Best ad of July' award.
:|
Posted by Sayesha at 22:49 27 bewdas got fultu talli!
Labels: Odd ads
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Luck of the draw
Sometimes Viv and I play a variation of pictionary where the players don't draw and guess stuff word by word. There is no 'Is it xxx?', no nodding, no shaking, and no multiple attempts. The person drawing draws the whole thing at a go, and the person guessing has to guess it in one go too, without making random guesses or checking back. The guesser just has to process the picture, think hard enough and then provide the final answer. It takes a painful amount of time to think (especially when I'm looking at one of Viv's 'creative' drawings), and sometimes the drawing may look like it's something very obvious, but you have to look at every single nuance in the drawing, go through the thought process of the other person, and work out all the little details of why they drew what they drew in order to truly decipher it. Being the true geeks that we are, we don't really mind it.
It's tougher than regular pictionary and annoying for most people and that's why when the two of us play pictionary, we play this version. Just like how we got bugged of regular Scrabble and then started playing reverse Scrabble. The rules are the same, but you make the words right to left, and bottom to top. Our next attempt is kind of erm... 'state'ist -- to play Bong Scrabble and Mallu Scrabble and Gujju Scrabble, where we spell the words the way they are pronounced in the respective states.
Answer: *Masakali
(In case you're scratching your head, it's Felipe Massa + kali)*
PS: Yes, we guessed both songs within a minute. :P
Posted by Sayesha at 13:52 24 bewdas got fultu talli!
Labels: Viv-acious
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Ya Ali!
It's a dark night. A van glides in silently and stops in front of a house. On the side of the van are the letters 'BB'. Five silhouettes silently come out of the van and head for the house. The silhouettes are surprisingly short. After 15 minutes, they come out carrying a person-shaped brown sack, which they deposit at the back of the van and silently drive off.
The van stops in front of a treehouse. A basket is lowered and the sack loaded. The basket is raised slowly. The army of five gets back in the van. The driver takes out a cellphone and types a message, "Kaam ho gaya." The reply comes within two seconds, "Well done, baby Aish. The Baby Brigade has done me proud." The van drives off and drops off the silhouettes one by one into the arms of horrified mothers.
Meanwhile, the person inside the sack gains consciousness (after all, how long can a hit from five milk bottles keep you knocked out?) and pulls himself out of the sack. As soon as he stands up, he realises someone has fallen flat at his feet. It's SSSK and she is holding a pooja ki thali and a ghanti. She does an elaborate aarti and puts a big teeka on his very surprised forehead.
SSSK (starstruck) - Oh my goodness. It's Imtiaz Ali in my treehouse. Wow. I worship you.
Imtiaz Ali - Err... I can see that. Who on earth are you and where on earth am I??
SSSK - You're actually not on earth. You're in my treehouse. Hello, I am Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten. I worship you.
Imtiaz (getting irritated) - Who brought me here? And why?!
SSSK - First of all, Imtiaz, I must tell you that I am being forced to do this. I have no part to play in all this. Except the worshipping you part.
Imtiaz - Okay, this is getting very frustrating. Who kidnapped me?
SSSK - It was the Baby Brigade. Bhai's interns. They may be little but they sure are trained gundas and gundis I tell you.
Imtiaz - Bhai? Oh wait.. Is it the same Bhai who sent me a year's supply of orange juice when Socha Na Tha released?
SSSK - Yes, yes, that's the one! She's a big fan of yours, especially of that movie. I write for the newspaper that's distributed in the bar she runs. It's called Akh-bar.
Imtiaz - So the Bhai is a she?!
SSSK - Yeah. Erm, don't ask.
Imtiaz - So why did the Bhai kidnap me?
SSSK (solemnly) - Bhai watched Love Aaj Kal...
Imtiaz - Hmm... And I'm guessing she didn't like it?
SSSK - *gulp* Well... I thought it was okay... but for some reason she was hopping mad at you...
Imtiaz - So? Why am I here?
SSSK (takes out a long sheet of paper) - Bhai has some questions for you.
Imtiaz - Why can't your Bhai ask them herself?
SSSK - Bhai says she can't even look at you right now. She's very disappointed.
Imtiaz - Okay, ask away. I'll answer them and go back.
SSSK - Let's go into the living room.
Both enter the living room where the Kapoors are seated on the sofa - Rishi, Neetu and Kareena. Kareena is dressed in her train outfit from Jab We Met and looking at Imtiaz with a mixed expression of anger and disappointment.
Imtiaz - Holy shit, you kidnapped the Kapoor clan too?
SSSK - Imtiaz, please. It wasn't me. I am doing all of this under pressure. Please. I worship you.
Imtiaz (impatiently) - Okay, let's get this over and done with. So what's the first question?
SSSK takes the list out and starts reading.
SSSK - Bhai's first question. Imtiaz, what on earth were you thinking?
Imtiaz - Huh?
SSSK - Pass then? Phew. That was easy. Okay, great. Next question. Why Deepika?
Kareena (gets very emotional) - I second that question! Why Deepika?? Why why why?? Why not me, Imtiaz??
Imtiaz - Dekho Kareena, I told you before too. Deepika was more suitable for the part.
Kareena - But how??
SSSK - Yes yes, that is the next question. Why not Kareena? You know, Bhai used to hate Kareena before she watched Jab We Met?
Kareena (mutters) - Erm, I think pretty much everyone used to hate me before Jab We Met... and now everyone is back to hating me...
Imtiaz - Well, you can't blame them if you do movies like Kambakkht Ishq...
Kareena (bursts into tears) - Well, you didn't offer me Love Aaj Kal, that's why I did Kambakkht Ishq!
SSSK - Yes, you should have offered it to Kareena. We wouldn't have to go through all of this then. And I would have met THE Imtiaz Ali under better circumstances... yeah, Deepika was a bad choice.
Imtiaz - Well, the movie is a hit. Goes on to show I made the right choice.
SSSK - Bhai says your movie is not an objective hit. It is a hit because it released after Kambakkht Ishq. After watching that movie, anything that came along...
Kareena (annoyed) - Thanks a lot, SSSK.
Imtiaz - This is ridiculous. Why am I on a treehouse in the middle of the night answering inane questions?
SSSK - Speaking of questions, here's the next one. What was with the 'pile-on' and 'aapka angle' and all? Aapko Hindi se koi problem hai?
Imtiaz - Well, that's how the new generation talks! I had that in Jab We Met too. Your Bhai didn't have any complaints then!
SSSK - But it was subtly done. Okay this is what Bhai says... (reads from list) "Ek sentence mein itne saare English words use karne se overkill ho jata hai, don't you think?"
Imtiaz - Sigh. Okay fine. Next question.
Imtiaz (really worked up) - What?! Are you accusing me of plagiarism? Oh please. Aamir had way less facial hair than Saif in those scenes. Shah Rukh told Kajol's mother he didn't want to run away with her, while Saif actually ran away with Giselle. Where is the plagiarism??
SSSK (looks at the list) - Speaking of Giselle Monteiro, there is actually a question about her too. Why did you cast a Brazilian model as Harleen? India ki saari Punjabi kudiyan mar gayi thi kya??? (looks shocked and stops reading) Pardon the language, Imtiaz. It's not me, this is how Bhai phrased her question!
Imtiaz - Well, before everyone found out she was Brazilian, no one suspected she wasn't Punjabi. What's with the hullabaloo now??
SSSK - Her dancing was terrible...
Kareena (desperately) - Imtiaz, mujhe Harleen ka role hi de dete yaar... I can dance!
Imtiaz - Kareena, I have told you several times, you were not suitable for this movie.
Kareena (really desperately) - Okay how about Jo? Do you think I could have played that?
Imtiaz (buries his head in his hands and mutters) - This is insane...
Kareena - Okay okay, how about Harleen senior? I could have played that, no? I'm sure chachi wouldn't have minded. Isn't it, chachi?
Neetu - Haha! Are you kidding me? I was the only woman in the movie who could act!
Kareena - But I can act too!
Neetu - Yes beta, but only when Imtiaz directs you...
Kareena - Wohi toh! But he doesn't want to cast me anymore! Imtiaz, dekho main pile-on nahin hona chahti, lekin... mere career ko bacha lo yaar...
Imtiaz - Okay that's it! Stop it! Bahut ho gaya! I will not tolerate this for another second. Rishi, would you explain to this crazy girl?
Rishi - Oh, I'm not saying anything. I'm just their driver for the night. Tumne hi kaha tha Jab We Met mein, ki akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai.
Imtiaz (trying to control his anger) - SSSK, enough is enough. I'd like to go home now.
SSSK (holds out a document) - Okay sure, if you could just sign here... and initial here... you will be escorted home immediately.
Imtiaz (takes the document) - What on earth is this?!
SSSK (torn between loyalty and fear) - Uhh... It's just an agreement Bhai did up... to say that you will... uhh... make a sequel to Jab We Met.
Imtiaz - WHAT?! This is insane! It's like this Bhai person can't get over Jab We Met! An agreement?! Would you believe this?? (looks around in disbelief)
Kareena (grins at Imtiaz) - Aap convince ho gaye ki main aur bolun?
Posted by Sayesha at 21:27 26 bewdas got fultu talli!
Labels: Sayesha smitten showbiz kitten