Random review: PK

*mega spoilers ahead; read only watching the movie*

Viv and I rarely manage to watch Hindi movies in the theatre together. One of us has to be home with Xena, so we take turns and watch them with different people. I honestly can't remember the last time we had watched a Hindi movie in the theatre together.

But PK was different. I knew I wanted to watch it and I knew I wanted to watch it with him. Such is the reliability of a Rajkumar Hirani movie. (I used to be like this with Shah Rukh Khan movies, but then I saw Ra.One and my life changed. I decided to go into utter denial which I am continuing -- that if I don't watch an SRK movie, it doesn't exist. Hence, I can continue to worship him.)

So the sis-in-law kindly agreed to babysit Xena, while we went for the movie. We fed Xena dinner and put her to bed by 8:15 pm, and went for the 9 pm show, so that there wouldn't be much for SIL to do other than keeping an ear out for her waking up and crying.

So here are my random thoughts about the movie.

• Ok, first things first. PK is a thoroughly entertaining movie, with Hirani's trademark humour, catchy concepts (think 'jaadu ki jhappi', 'Gandhigiri', 'aal iz well', and now 'wrong number' in this one), hilarious dialogues and endearing characters that engage the audience. I'm not sure if the movie will change the people it wants to change, but it will make them think for sure.

• I like the fact that Hirani picks movies with very relevant and prevalent themes and is not afraid to challenge things. His movies are very touching, and they do change people, even if it's in the slightest of ways. Though I feel that his earlier movies were much more influential than this one probably will be, but this is more a reflection of the topic this time than his movie-making skills. What a talented dude. He can write, direct, and edit, and yet not screw up any part of it. (Most Bollywood buffs would know that he was the model in this very old Fevicol ad.) 

• What I love the most about his movies are how they can make you laugh like mad, and also cry like mad. Though it's interesting recalling how his last four movies affected me. I cried the most buckets in Munnabhai MBBS, then a little less (but still substantial) in Lage Raho Munnabhai. I had a lump in my throat in 3 Idiots, but I sailed through PK without much ado. 

• Overall, I liked the movie and found it very entertaining. However, there were several tiny things that were distracting me, and adding up to make the entire experience not as enjoyable as it could have been. Warning: The next few points are kinda nit-picky.

• What is with Anushka Sharma's lips? I thought she came up with a big explanation about how her scary appearance on Koffee With Karan was just a result of make-up tricks and a temporary lip-enhancing tool and that she would never undergo plastic surgery? As we saw in PK, there was nothing temporary about her tips. They look ruined. Which makes me very sad, because she had no reason to do what she did. She was already pretty, a popular star, a good actress, everyone loved her. What on earth made her do this to herself? And that wig did not help at all. The super short hair instantly pulled the focus back to her lips. She looked nice in long shots, but honestly, in most of the close-up shots, she looked like a ladyboy. Sushant Singh Rajput looked prettier than her. Seriously. To think that they put so much effort into finalising her looks.

• Speaking of lead actors not looking nice, Aamir too didn't look all that nice. The bulging arms were just too much. Maybe they'd have suited someone taller, but on him, they just looked weird. In fact, I felt that they made him look shorter than he is, especially in the scene where he's pouring milk over the shiva linga.

• I wasn't too happy with the bhojpuri lingo they had given Aamir. First, I thought he wasn't really pulling it off that well (my Dad was posted in Bihar for more than a decade so I grew up listening to a lot of Bhojpuri) and secondly, I felt that it was taking something away from his acting. Like the effort he had to put into memorising the dialogues was showing through the performance, and not in a good way. (It's like when Irrfan Khan is asked to act in English. Such a waste of a great actor.) They did hire a very good language coach for him, but the outcome was disappointing. Aamir just couldn't pronounce 'expression' as 'esperason' as taught by the coach. (In the movie, he ended up saying 'experason'). Fortunately, the dialogues themselves were hilarious (think "Woh kauwa nanga baitha hai..." and the different meanings of the word "achha"), so they kinda just sold themselves.

• Harping on the Bhojpuri, I was really annoyed at the song 'Love is a bhaste of time'. If he can say 'love' and 'mirrorWA', why can't he say 'waste'? Sigh. The tune is very catchy though!

• Speaking of catchy tunes, I found the 'Tharki chhokro aayo re banke mhaaro mehmaan' song HILARIOUS. I'd heard the song before but somehow I thought it was 'ghar ki chhokro' and dismissed it as something in some local dialect. But the picturisation and the lyrics were hilarious. Sanju Baba was toooo good. He really killed it as band wala Bhairon Singh. And my heart is aflutter at Vidhu Vinod Chopra's statement that there will be a third Munnabhai movie!

• I was so amazed when I found out that all the costumes Aamir wears in the movie belong to real people on the streets. The costume team was asked to roam around and buy interesting clothes off people! Watch this video for more interesting trivia about the movie.

• I wish they didn't have a love track between Aamir and Anushka in the movie. Seriously, it was totally unnecessary.

• Why, oh, why did Sushant Singh Rajput have to do the trademark SRK open-arms pose in the song with Anushka? No one should be allowed to do that anymore. The original pose was done in a different era, and yes, we all swooned, but no one, not even SRK, can pull that off anymore. No no no no. NO. Please. Go back and watch DDLJ. Preserve the sanctity of the pose. Just don't try to replicate it.

• The bride-cat-letter scene was a giveaway. I'm sure most people went, "Of course! I knew it!" when they "revealed" what had actually happened. I'm still wondering if they could have done it in a more subtle way.

• Did anyone notice that Parikshit Sahni has changed his first name to Parikshet? (Viv works in colour correction for movies, so we end up sitting for the entire end credits of most movies, and that's how I caught this one.) This one's not for numerology for sure. ;)

• UTV has released an entire bunch of behind the scenes videos on YouTube for curious folks like me. It's amazing how a simple scene lasting just a few seconds can be so complex to shoot and nail. The fat-barber-butt-pyjama scene took 11 retakes! I pity the poor actor!

• Ranbir Kapoor's cameo was such a welcome surprise! And I know that this might offend Aamir fans, but at some point during the movie, my mind did wander over to the 'who else could play this part, and maybe better?' zone, and I could only think of Ranbir. I hope they do a sequel with him in the lead.

• But first MunnaBhai 3. Please. 

Bar rating - * * * 1/2

* Run for your life! And do not look back.
** Once-watchable (if you have nothing better to do).
*** Good stuff, watch it in the theatre.
**** Awesome! Watch it in the theatre AND buy the DVD!

Christmas gift (of gab)

Xena - Mama, did you ask Santa to get me a ladybug bag for Christmas?

Me - Oh, right. Let me call him right away. (fake dialing on my phone) Hello, Santa? Could you please get Xena a ladybug bag for Christmas this year? (pause) Yes, yes, she will be good and finish all her meals... (turning to Xena) OK?

Xena (looking at me most suspiciously) - Mama, can you put Santa on speaker?

A trip to Baliwood... finally!

Om swasti astu, bewdas!

That was a Balinese greeting, by the way. And also my way to tell you guys that I had not fallen off the edge of the earth, but was chilling in a very beautiful part of it, enjoying the company of my parents who finally visited me after much cajoling, pleading, threatening and emotional blackmailing. Finally the Bali dream came true. And though I have been inundated with deadlines since we came back, I'm pleased to report that I have completed the travelogue on Bali (unlike that of the previous holiday - Amsterdam/Paris, which I will complete at some point!).

Hop over to Hopscotch to read about why Bali was a dream (in more ways than one).

Emoticonal Quotient part 5

When regular bewda of the bar Arun told me that my emoticonal puzzles provided much delight at a party recently, I was thrilled. I'd forgotten how much fun it was to do up those puzzles! I told him that I really should do some more. And since there is no better time than RIGHT NOW, here is the 5th one in the emoticonal puzzle series.

There's a leeeeeetle catch though. All the songs are from Himesh Reshammiya movies. No, I don't mean the movies he gave music for. I mean the movies starring him. Yep. Muahahahaha.

Painful? Well, think of me. I had to listen to some 20 of his songs to find these 8! (My Mom didn't judge but going by her expression, I bet she was wondering what had happened to my taste in music.)

Enjoy! :D

Catch-up #7

Bonjour, bewdas!

No, I'm not still in Paris mode. Just that I like the alliteration (and the deep significance) in 'Bonjour, bewdas'.

So here's my catch-up post, aka my way to convince myself (and some of you) that the blog, though coughing and spluttering, is still alive. The last few weeks have been crazy busy, with most of my time devoted to my attempts to convince my parents to come visit me. Xena's health still doesn't permit us to visit India with confidence, and they had last seen her in person when she was 1 year old. Of course, we Skype regularly, but some of the things that 3-somethings say and do just HAVE to be experienced in person. Of course, it's a Herculean task to convince my dad to abandon his organic farm to come visit me, so I didn't even try. I just asked Mom to come. My Mom, my ever hopeful Mom, has been telling me that there will be a direct flight between us "very soon". She has been saying that for about 7 years now. I see no sign of a direct flight yet.

On some levels, I understand. There are truly no good flight options for her to get here easily. It's a pain for her to do so many transits, sit in an airport by herself for several hours, and then make her way here. But after a while, I lost it and told them they were simply making excuses. Okay fine, cataract surgery is a valid reason not to travel, but long after that, so-and-so relative is going to have a baby, just had a baby, baby's 21-day ceremony is coming up, etc. are not valid reasons at all. I think Dad was busy tending to his garden, and Mom was busy tending to him. The trip was not going to happen. I was starting to lose my patience. So I did what every dignified cool-headed daughter would do. I did not slam the phone down on them twice. I did not accuse them of loving Xena less than my in-laws did. I did not say that I thought that they thought Skype was enough to see their daughter and granddaughter. I did not stop calling and emailing them.

Ok fine, I did do all those things.

But the result - Mom's here! She is! OMG I still can't believe it. She's here and my Dad is on his way in a few weeks! I didn't even invite him, knowing fully well that that's the only way to get him here. Okay fine, I also told him about the Gardens by the Bay, one of Singapore's newest attractions which apparently sends green-fingered people into a frenzy. But still.

Before Mom got here, I was working crazy hours trying to get my deadlines out of the way so I could roam around with her. After all, I don't have the energy to do all this phone-slamming, emotional blackmailing, etc. all over again and honestly speaking, I don't know when she will be here next. Hopefully we will be in a position to make an India trip next year.

So Mom's here and the three generations of girls are having a blast. Mom might be Xena's grandma, but Xena's going all grandma on her. She used to 'toko' my mom-in-law about her dupatta, and now she tokos my mom about how the saree is a not a nice attire because "it shows the tum-tum". Hey bhagwaaaaan.

Speaking of the saree, we had a Diwali party in our condominium and I got to wear my most favourite attire in the whole world -- the saree! I tried my best to meet Xena's standards and not show any tum-tum. I think she was satisfied.

We also had a cool Halloween party on Friday, organised by a committee of four -- a German-Turk, a Serbian, a Mexican and representing both India and Singapore at once -- yours truly. Instead of having the kids go to 50 houses and come back with 873643760928709472987 pieces of candy each, we decided to exercise some candy-control measures. We set up four game stations where the kids could play Halloween games and win candy -- restricted to 5 pieces of candy per kid per game. We also had a pot luck dinner and it was fab. I have to admit that unlike the Easter party fiasco, being on WhatsApp really helped me during the Halloween planning. Some of you have been asking me how my new life with a smartphone is going and I have to say -- still great! I don't have a data plan, which means that when I'm in the bus or anywhere outside, I don't have my phone buzzing the heck out of itself. I check it only at home on wifi, and it's all within control. My life is pretty much still the same as before. Well, except for some disturbing WhatsApp groups where I have been added and people are sending each other sardarji jokes. Like, seriously.

Speaking of bad jokes, I heard that are some pretty bad ones in 'Happy New Year'. So I have decided to go into hiding, which I do every time SRK does a bad movie. Pretty often then, you might say. And I'll nod and agree. As I told my dear friend Starbreez, with whom I watch most SRK movies, I love him too much to go and watch 'Happy New Year'.

So that's what's been happening at the bar. How have the bewdas been? :)

The phoren trio

Okay, so I am now officially 'phoren-returned'.

Confused?

When I was growing up in India, 'foreign' or 'phoren' as it was known as where I grew up, was a noun. It was a place. Even movies used 'phoren' whenever they wanted to refer to any place outside India. Remember the scene in Hum Aapke Hain Koun where Mohnish Behl comes running to Alok Nath and reports that "foreign se abhi abhi fax aaya hai"? Like seriously? You can't say the name of the city or even the country? You're holding the frickin' faxed document in your hand. It really says 'From: Foreign'? Anyway, my point is that this is how it was. Unlike today, back then, phoren for me was this very faraway impossible-to-get-to place with awesome clothes and yummy chocolates where the cool people of the world lived.

I used to have close brushes with phoren during some of my summer vacations when my mom's sister would fly down from London with suitcases full of clothes, toys and chocolates for everyone in the khandaan. And to me, that was the real phoren. London. Over the next few years, under the influence of Bollywood and more Bollywood, New York and Paris also got added to the phoren list and this trio was what defined phoren for me. And I dreamt that maybe, just maybe, some day I'd travel to these three places. Or maybe just two of 'em. Or one perhaps?

But things changed. 16 years ago, I got the scholarship to come to Singapore and it became my base, my home. And I could go anywhere I wanted. So I did. I checked off London from my list in 2003 (I'd been working for a year and saving up for it), New York in 2006 and finally last month, I went to Paris. After I'd climbed up the 704 steps up the Eiffel Tower and paused to take a breather, I looked at the view, speechless. And the little girl in me only had one thought - I've done it. I've been to phoren.

And now with that kiddy-bucket-list-item out of the way, big fancy cities don't hold much of a charm for me anymore. I'd like to explore the nooks and crannies of the world. Though my dad's job took us through a lot of places in India, there is so much unexplored territory there too. Like the northeast.

So yeah, now the big dream is to really see the world. But the sad truth is that seeing the world can be expensive. Viv and I generally live a very simple life, but the one thing we do set aside money for every year is a good holiday. It's a little more difficult now with Xena, but we have been managing and hopefully can continue. I find that nothing opens up the mind like travelling. There is so much beauty to marvel at, so many people to meet, so many unknown things to discover about ourselves, so many journeys to experience, and so many experiences to live.

And it is humbling to see what a tiny speck we are in the grand scheme of things.

Every time we travel, we meet so many elderly couples who have retired and their children have moved away and now they just travel the world. And Viv and I look at each other and think, some day that might be us. Hopefully. Life is so unpredictable that sometimes planning anything seems silly and futile, but hope is what the world runs on.

In the words of RL Stevenson - There is no foreign land; it is the traveller only that is foreign.

Not your average Joe(har)

Regular blog bewdi Prathima sent me this link of a Karan Johar interview, where he makes fun of his own movies. I love KJ and his movies (except KANK, which, bleah, I cannot forgive him for) but I also love his personality. His brutal honesty and wit in this interview had me in splits, especially the part where he talks about how translation can ruin a Hindi song, using 'Yeh kya hua' as an example.

Thanks, Prathima. This is the video of the week at the bar: http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/the-boss-dialogues/karan-johar-kuch-kuch-hota-hai-was-one-idiotic-film/340719?pfrom=home-prime

Two of a kind

Me (pointing to a pair of twins in a book we were reading) - Oh look, twins!

Xena - Mama, what is twins?

Me (thinking about how best to explain this) - Ummm... twins are two people who were born together...

Xena - What.

(She says 'What.' with a period at the end instead of a question mark when she totally doesn't know what I'm talking about, or thinks that I'm talking nonsense.)

Me (trying again) - Errr... twins are brothers/sisters who are the same in age.

Xena - What.

Me (trying to think of the simplest way to explain without getting into the identical/fraternal technicality) - Umm... oh I know. Twins look like each other.

Xena (thinks for a while, then says with an air of finality) - Mama, I look like you. So we are twins.

From a Bhai-gone era

It's the Mary Kom success party, happening in Priyanka Chopra's sprawling lawn. All the biggies of Bollywood are there. Needless to say, Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten has procured a pass to the event in spite of being on the blacklist.

In a corner are seated Karan Johar, Rohit Shetty and Subhash Ghai, animatedly discussing something. "I bet they are talking about the Ram Lakhan remake they announced last week!" says SSSK and rapidly approaches them with her notepad and pencil.

SSSK - Hello, everyone. I am SSSK. Reporter. Karan is of course familiar with my work.

Rohit and Subhash look at Karan. He shakes his head.

SSSK - Anyway, I thought I could get some bytes from you about the Ram Lakhan remake you announced.

Subhash - Ah yes, we were just discussing that.

SSSK - I figured. So... Ram Lakhan was a cult film. What would be different in the remake?

Subhash - Well, it's set in today's time, not 1989, so a lot of things would be different. I'll just let these youngsters make all the decisions.

Karan and Rohit - Really??

Subhash - Of course. I just have one condition as the co-producer. I'll make an appearance in the movie at a sudden and random juncture. I need to do that. I'm sure everyone will understand. I mean, even the IMDB page of Ram Lakhan lists me in the cast as 'man singing on motorcycle'.

Subhash walks away, whistling merrily. Karan and Rohit give each other unsure looks.

Karan - Yeah, we'll see about that. Basically, this is a fresh perspective on an old revenge saga so we will rewrite many of the scenes. There will be more family functions and songs, and maybe a little bit more crying... you know, after Ram's and Lakhan's dad is killed by the bad guys...

Rohit - And as everyone is crying, maybe some cars can explode in the background...

Karan - Yeah, sure... You da man. And my plan is that they will cry and cry and cry, and then the whole family will move to London.

SSSK - Erm... like in K3G? Is this going to become like one of your NRI movies?

Karan - Well, we don't have the details worked out yet, but yeah that might be one of the angles. You know, to modernise the movie.

SSSK - Speaking of modernisation, aren't the names Ram and Lakhan a bit old-fashioned?

Karan - Yeah, we thought of that, but we need to keep the title so people know it's a remake. Anyway, Main Hoon Na also had a Ram-Lakshman duo and no one objected. We might just change the rest of their names though... you know from Ram Pratap Singh to something a little cooler, like Ram Yashwardhan Raichand or something...

Rohit - Err... maybe. But we will definitely change the girls' names.

Karan - Oh yes, Geeta and Radha simply won't do. I mean, the new Radha is different. The new Radha likes to party. The new Radha likes to move that sexy Radha body. We will obviously have a disco number with both brothers and their girlfriends.

Rohit - Ah yes, and then some cars can explode in the background.

Karan - Sure, sure. And I also have this vision that when the brothers have a fallout, cheerleaders with pom-poms will be singing, "Ram-Lakhan ka jhagada!"

SSSK - Err... you mean like "Rahul-Anjali ka jhagada"?

Karan - Well, kind of. But it will be different. I mean, the clothes will be different. We're getting Manish, of course. And because Ram-Lakhan are supposed to be gareeb, he will come up with some gareeb outfits for them.

Rohit - Errr... we might reconsider that. Manish Malhotra's gareeb outfits are not exactly gareeb I think.

SSSK - I agree. If anything, they are ajeeb-o-gareeb. Ha ha ha!

Karan gives SSSK a dirty look.

Meanwhile, Jackie Shroff and Anil Kapoor walk over and join them.

Rohit - Hi, Jackie. Hi, Anil. We were just talking about the Ram Lakhan remake.

Jackie and Anil sigh.

Anil - So you're serious about it? You're really going to do it?

Karan - Yes, but not without your blessings, of course.

Jackie - Well, you have mine.

Rohit - We do???

Jackie - Yeah. As long as you cast Tiger as Ram.

Anil - What?! Then I want Harshvardhan as Lakhan.

Karan - Who is Harshvardhan?

Anil - What?! This is an outrage! You don't know who Harshvardhan is?? He is my son.

Karan - Wait, you mean Arjun Kapoor is not your son?

Anil (gritting his teeth) - Aaarghhhhh. That's why I prefer Hollywood to Bollywood.

Karan - Err... we want to take relatively established actors...

Anil - Well, they are RELATIVELY established, aren't they? Tiger is his relative and Harshvardhan is mine!

Rohit - Errr...

Jackie - I agree. Wait, let me call Tiger, you can audition him right now. TIGER!!!!

Tiger Shroff is seen bounding towards his dad, with a young lady in hot pursuit.

Tiger - Dad, help!

Jackie - Who is that??

Tiger - I don't know. She stalks me everywhere and keeps saying she has a question for me and if I answer that, she'll leave.

Jackie - So just answer her question na!

Girl - Oooh. So can I have an answer today?

Tiger (grinning) - Yeah ok fine. The answer is - yes, I'm single.

Girl - Hainnn?! That was not my question.

Tiger - What?! Then what's your question for which you have been stalking me day and night?

Girl - I just want to know the shade of your lipstick.

Tiger - Lipstick?! What lipstick?? I don't wear lipstick. Have you gone crazy? She has gone crazy. Someone get her out of here. I don't wear lipstick. My lips are naturally pink.

Girl (rolls her eyes) - Oh come onnnn!

Tiger (resignedly) - Ok fine. It's Candy Yum Yum by M.A.C.

The girl squeals joyously and leaves.

Jackie - Offspring... Sigh. Anyway, Tiger, they want you to play me in the Ram Lakhan remake.

Rohit - Er... we don't...

Jackie (ignores them) - So what do you say?

Tiger - Thanks but no thanks. I don't want to be compared to you.

Rohit - Errr... also, we are going to cast Danny as one of the villains. And you look so much like him it will really confuse the audience.

Jackie - Argh! I'm SO SICK of hearing this!! He doesn't look like Danny, okay? Okay!

Tiger - Please, dad. People have even said I look like Priyanka Gandhi. So I think we should just be okay with Danny. But I can't do this film.

Tiger leaves.

Jackie (irritated) - So whom do you have in mind for the leads?

Karan - Well, we were thinking of casting two guys who already have proven chemistry. You know, like Siddharth-Varun or Arjun-Ranveer.

Rohit - But then we felt that Siddharth-Varun are too chikna for the role. We need actors with grit. And facial hair.

Karan - Ok, Arjun-Ranveer then. Actually we have spoken to them about it. They watched the original and then told us that they were... umm... more interested in playing Bishambar and Bhanu, the bad guys.

SSSK - Hmmm, why don't you consider Ajay Devgn maybe? He is a seasoned tough cop.

Rohit - No can do.

Karan - Hey, why not?? Ajay would be a good choice actually!

Rohit - No. My contract with Ajay for 'Singham Returns Again', 'Re-return of Singham', 'Singham Returns Once Again', 'Singham Returns Yet Again', and 'Would You Believe It Singham is Returning Again' clearly specifies that he can't do any other cop roles.

SSSK - Wow. And what about the girls? Who's playing them?

Priyanka walks towards them.

Karan - Speak of the devil... We actually have Priyanka in mind for Geeta's role.

Priyanka - Geeta's role? You mean the one played by Dimple?

Rohit - That's right!

Priyanka - And who's playing Radha?

Karan - Most likely Alia or Shraddha or somebody. One of those youngsters.

Priyanka - What?! I'm not playing the older character!

Karan - But Priyanka, you are...

Priyanka - Silence! Mary Kom ki sari training ab bhi yaad hai. Mujhe old bola toh yahin par baja dalungi.

SSSK - She will send you into a Kom-a. Ha ha ha!

Rohit and Karan give her dirty looks.

Karan - Ok ok fine. How about we cast Parineeti as Radha?

Priyanka - I said I don't want to play the older character!!!

SSSK - But... but she's already your little sister. And the whole world knows that.

Priyanka - Hmmph ok fine.

She walks out, just as Rakhee walks in.

Rakhee - So you're very very sure you want to take Jaya Bachchan for my role?

Karan - Errr... yeah.

Rakhee - Don't take a hasty decision. Give it some thought. I can still do it. Watch this. (stands up dramatically and raises her hands) "Mere Ram Lakhan aayenge. Zameen ki chaati phad ke aayenge, aasman ka seena cheer ke aayenge!"

Karan - Ummm... that was from Karan Arjun.

Rakhee (looks confused) - Really? Why did I always end up with two sons seeking revenge?? (walks off)

Madhuri, who had been waiting for her turn, approaches them.

Madhuri - Karan, I really think you should cast me back as Radha. I mean... that movie is in my blood. Even now I can recite all the dialogues and songs... "O Raaaamji.... Mera piya ghar aaya, O Ramji!"

Rohit - Err... wrong song, Madhuri. That's from Yarana.

Madhuri walks off, looking pissed.

SSSK - Speaking of songs, the original had some superhit songs like 'My name is Lakhan', 'Tera naam liya', 'Bekadar bekhabar' and 'O Ramji', etc.

Rohit - Ah, yes. The songs will need freshening up, so instead of Ae ji o ji, lo ji suno ji, we will have 3G, 4G to appeal to the youth of today. And of course, we will have some cars exploding in the background.

Karan - And we will release the movie in Pakistan too, so we are having Ali Zafar sing 'Mere do anmol ratan'. We will slightly change the lyrics to 'Mere do anmol watan'.

SSSK - What about the most popular one - 'My name is Lakhan'?

Karan - Sigh. If the Dabangg folks had agreed to a collaboration, we wanted the song to be 'My name is Makhan'.

SSSK - Hain??

Rohit - There are already two cop brothers in the movie, you see. Chulbul-Makhanchand.

SSSK - Oh.

Karan - But they said no. So we will retain 'My name is Lakhan', but with additional lyrics.

SSSK - What additional lyrics?

Karan - It will go something like this... "My name is Lakhan. Le KHAN... KHH... from the epiglottis."

Double trouble

Old bewdas of the bar might know why I always say that I don't love Viv for his jokes, I love him in spite of them. I just went back and read this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this and gosh, the man has cracked some reeeeeally bad PJs.

And his latest was performed smack in front of the 3.5-year-old Xena, with no regard whatsoever for the consequences. I was going through some Hindi flashcards with her when we got to the 'o se okhli' card.

Viv - Xena! You have okhli, and Poppy has Oakley too! Ha ha ha! Let's tell Mama!
Xena - Ha ha ha! Let's tell Mama!
Me - :/

It was therefore no surprise when I discovered that Xena has most definitely inherited and/or absorbed this trait from her Poppy. Here are some latest ones from her:

Me - Xena, please don't take your toys into the bathroom. They might fall in the toilet!
Xena - Mama, I want to put them in the toilet.
Me - Huh?! Why??
Xena - Because it is a TOY-let. Ha ha ha!

Me - Xena, we're going to the minimart now.
Xena - No Mama, it's not minimart.
Me - Huh? What is it then?
Xena - Mickey mart! Ha ha ha!

Xena - Mama, when Ryan (her friend) cries, what does he become?
Me - Hainn?
Xena - Cryan! Ha ha ha!

Me - Xena, come sit on the kitchen counter while I do the dishes.
Xena - This is the counter?
Me - Yes.
Xena - It can count from 1 to 10? Ha ha ha!

Xena - Mommy, when Poppy mops the floor, what does he become?
Me - What?
Xena - Moppy! Ha ha ha!

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

*thunk thunk thunk*