The art of quitting and vice versa

For the first half of my life so far, I was my elder sister's baby sister. For the second half, she was my baby sister. She is a good three inches shorter than me, and looks at least ten years younger than her age. And that's not the only reason why I look at her in the same way that I look at baby Aish.

But there was a time, when I could never reach up to her. Literally and otherwise. She was my goddess - tall(er), beautiful, talented, elegant. And I was the shorty, not-beautiful- but-ok-fine- if-you-insist-cute, hyperactive little puppy dog that followed her heels everywhere.

So recently, I was going through my annual ritual of looking through photos sent to me by family and friends and deleting the ones where I think I look terrible, when I saw something in the background of a photo. It was a family photo taken when Dad was posted at Hyderabad. The little thing in the background was a painting that my sister had made years and years and years ago. I cropped it out and decided to blog about it.

My sister had always been into art. When I was six and she was ten, she used to go to this lady in our neighbourhood to learn art. Sometimes, I'd tag along with her and watch them paint, fascinated. When they were working on this particular one (I think the original was a photograph in a calendar or something), I was speechless with wonder and admiration for my sister. I'd imagine myself walking along the path that led to the house on the left - I preferred it to the one on the right. Soon, looking at my interest, and concerned that the painting-wali-aunty (that's what I used to call her) probably didn't like having a non-student hanging around, Mom and Dad enrolled me in the art class too.

I was fine for the first two days, but soon my hyperactive side got the better of me. I found a new canvas, a more interesting one - my art teacher's little son's face. Surprisingly, she did not complain till the day I graduated from water colours to oil colours. (It's very difficult to remove oil colours from your face - gotta use turpentine oil and stuff). She politely told my Mom, "I think Sayesha is too active for something like art. Art needs patience. Your elder daughter has it. But Sayesha... maybe not..." So I was taken off the class. Not that I minded. I'd been getting quite bored of my 'canvas'.

During winter, my sister and I would sit on the terrace in the kachi dhoop and make new year cards for our relatives. I remember drawing particularly ugly versions of what I referred to as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.

One day, I tagged along with my Dad and sis to a painting competition she was participating in. They also had a competition for the 6-10 age category, and I begged my Dad to let me enter. He agreed.

As soon as the competition started, I went to one of the organisers, tugged at his trousers and said, "Excuse-me-uncle-I-can't-sit-here-I-need-to-sit-with-my-sister."

"But you're in another category. You need to sit with the rest of the 6-10 year olds."

"No-I-need-to-sit-with-my-sister." I insisted.

"I can't let your elder sister help you, my dear. You're in a different category!"

"No-I-don't-need-help-from-her-I-only-need-colours-we-only-have -one-set-of-colours-you-see."

"Uhh... why didn't you bring your own colours?"

"Because-I-didn't-come-here-to-take-part-my-sister-has-an -extra-pencil-but-no-extra-colouring-set."

He looked at me in distress, had a word with another organiser, and finally let me sit with my sister. Boy, I freaked out quite a few of the participants when they saw someone my size seriously working away on her painting in the 'older kids' category.

The best part was that both of us won a prize in our respective categories. She was in the top three and I came home with a consolation prize. (Why the hell do they call that anyway? It sounds really sad - like "There there, don't cry. Okay fine, you can have this prize.")

Mom and Dad got me my own set of water colours, and I would participate in every single art competition with my sister after that. Sometimes she won, sometimes I did, and sometimes neither did. Whenever neither of us won, I'd go to the display where they put the winning paintings, and go, "Bah! Yours was so much better! Even mine should have beat this nonsense."

We grew up, I leaned away from art, and got into music. I would sketch now and then, but my sister continued to make paintings. Relatives would request for her paintings and proudly hang them on their walls. And I would stare at them in awe and think, "Yeh wala inko kyun de diya? Hamare ghar mein kyun nahin laga?" ("Why did you give this one to them? Why isn't this hung in our house?")

Then I came to Singapore and lost touch with art. When I was in uni, I tried my hand at making paintings using MSPaint and Photoshop, but gave up soon after, in pursuit of other things such as trying to get out of uni as fast as possible.















Rose in bitmap - US$100000000000000





















Hibiscus in photoshop - SOLD

My sister too got busy in her new life and new job in the US. It appeared that both of us had given up something we loved.

I often feel that we're too willing to give up things we love. We quit at the slightest sign. I myself have lost touch with so many things I like to do, and from the looks of it, I don't see myself getting back in touch with them before next year. I have work, my master's course to finish, my dissertation to write, and I wanna take up Tamil classes. There is really no time or place for art (or singing for that matter) in my life as of now.

And I wondered if it was the same with my sis.

So this time, when I went to New Jersey, my bro-in-law showed me paintings that my sister had recently made. It made me so happy to know that she had not given up. But I had. I still have my old sketches stuck on my notice board at work, to remind me of the old days, but I don't sketch or paint anymore. I have quit. Perhaps I just did not love it enough. Because I believe that if you really love doing something, you will take out time to do it.

And it doesn't matter whether people ignore, praise or criticise it, you should never give up doing what you love. You should never think of quitting till the day you stop loving it.

I'm so glad that even though I lost touch with art, my sister did not.

She was better at it anyway.

Not just better, to me my elder "baby sister" was and will always be the best at it.

The one and only

Contrary to popular belief, my musical world does not revolve around Shaan.

There are many many singers I simply adore. I'd listen to any unknown-unheard -of song just because one of these people sang it.

And then there are the singers I can't stand. And I refuse to listen to songs sung by them. But sometimes, the singers I don't like, sing that one song, which strikes a chord.

So I decided to make a list of such songs and singers.

I don't really like - Nitin Mukesh
I really like - So gaya yeh jahan
The song conveys the restlessness of youth in a very convincing way. And the tune is so simple that anyone can sing it, bringing it closer to music lovers who themselves don't sing.

I don't really like - Vinod Rathod
I really like - Sundara sundara
The beats, the music, the tune, I like everything about it.

I don't really like - Sapna Mukherjee
I really like - Sundara sundara
Same as above

I don't really like - Sagarika
I really like - Maa
This is one of the songs that can bring tears to my eyes. Once upon a time, I used to listen to it every day before starting work.

I don't really like - Adnan Sami
I really like - Pyaar hai
He and Asha Bhosle create magic with the song. Beautiful!

I don't really like - Annamika
I really like - Nindra
The song has such a zing about it - it's infectious.

I don't really like - Kumar Sanu
I really like - Jab koi baat bigad jaaye (and oh, 'Tere dar par sanam' too!)
Never before had the "I know you'll be there for me" feeling been conveyed so beautifully and convincingly.
As for Tere dar par sanam, it's my all time favourite hindi song ever!

I don't really like - Amit Kumar
I really like - Bade achhe lagte hain
The simplicity of the lyrics overshadow every other element of the song.

I don't really like - Bhupinder
I really like - Kisi nazar ko tera intzaar aaj bhi hai
One of my all time favourite movie ghazals. I still remember every minute of the picturisation.

I don't really like - Anuradha Paudwal
I really like - Tum hi hamaari ho manzil, my love
In spite of the English words in a hindi song (a phenomenon I dislike rather intensely), there's something very charming about this cute little song.

I don't really like - Jaspinder Narula
I really like - Taare hain barati
I love the rustic feel of the song, especially the beginning. And the beautiful colours in the picturisation too.

I don't really like - Shabbir Kumar
I really like - Jab hum jawaan honge
I grew up singing this in school for my friends. It's very very close to my heart.

I don't really like - Anu Malik
I really like - Dhuan
He doesn't sound too bad... and the song has a really cool tune and amazing beats (hope they're original though). Besides, the video rocked. It was about a princess who ran away from home with her tiny pet tortoise.

Okie doks, I'm off to listen to my playlist of the day.

The aftermat(c)h

So I watched the football match last night.

It was a lose-lose-lose situation.

Before you think that I'm embarking upon a detailed analysis of how and why England lost, let me assure you that my limited knowledge of how the game works ensures that no such thing is gonna happen in this post.

Well the lose-lose-lose situation is because of the following:

1. England lost the match.
2. My flatmates lost money.
3. I lost interest in football forever and ever.

Yeah, I have lost all the little interest I had in the game. Simply after watching one game.

You might say that I don't get it.

I agree with you fully. Yup, I don't get it.

I don't get how 22 guys (one of which is a strapping 6 and a half feet tall) can run around like crazy all over the field after a ball for two whole hours and all they can come up with is a miserable 0-0 score? You mixed the flour, eggs and sugar in front of me. You put the mixture in the oven to bake while I watched. Now what do you mean by "Sorry, there's no cake"?? I want my cake, hello? I came here for the cake!

At least in cricket, even if you don't run for two hours, a wide selection of wide balls, no balls, fours and sixers will ensure a nice little positive number on the scoreboard. I think I'll just go back to watching cricket.

And what's with the whole concept of 'heading the ball'? I mean, doesn't it like damage the brain cells? Who came up with that concept anyway? Was it that one fine day, during a match, a coach yelled at one of the players, "Use your head, dimwit!" and they just thought that he meant literally?

I wonder if the dimwittedness is because of the heading or the heading is because of the dimwittedness. It's a chicken and egg problem. Maybe it's all the heading the players do that makes them so disoriented that when they get hit in the stomach by a player of the other team, they clutch their eye and wince in pain. Perhaps they need a lesson in Body Parts 101. Someone needs to explain to them why the scene from Munnabhai where he holds up an x-ray of the skull and declares, "Lympho sarcoma of the intestine!" is so funny. Seriously, what's with all that drama? I don't remember seeing much of this injury-faking in cricket, except of course by the-one-who-shall-not-be-named-by-Sayesha for fear of getting lynched by the entire state of West Bengal.

I was told that if nothing works, I could always motivate myself to watch the game because of the tall dashing manly hunks. Ricardo (or was it Ronaldo?) chose that particular moment to unleash his whiney voice upon unsuspecting female fans who'd never heard him speak before. And then David Beckham burst into tears. 'Nuff said.

But yes, I did learn a few things other than the rules. Contrary to my belief that Kaka was someone's uncle, it turns out it's just his nickname. His real name is probably something else, this is actually his ghar ka naam. I can't wait for the day when India plays the World Cup, represented by our very own gharelu team of the talented Pappu, Munna, Chintu, Happy, Lallu, Bunty, Chiku, Pintu, Bablu, Golu and Chunnu.

Disclaimer:
The rather naive and silly opinions expressed here belong solely to the author. If you do not agree with them, it's fine. Do not make a fool of yourself by trying to convince her about how great the game is. Otherwise she may just roll up a newspaper and thwack you on the head.

THWACK!

Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt your knee?

I'm game

I know it's weird to talk about cricket when the World Cup football is going on.

Which is why I'm gonna do it.

Besides, I'll get to football in a few paragraphs.

Since I was a kid, the only game I have ever been obsessed with has been cricket. I have never had any interest whatsoever in watching football. Or any other sport for that matter. My closest association with sports was going to my sister's school for her annual sports day and watching her in awe as she took the winner's spot in many many sporting events. Though both of us were considered all rounders, but we had our own things. Yup, nerdy behaviour, music and tomboyishness were my thing. Sports, art and elegance were hers.

She was my sports idol. So much that even when it came to watching sports on TV, I followed what she followed and liked what she liked. When she watched Wimbledon, I'd watch Wimbledon. One fine day, she woke up and started to follow badminton. I took suit immediately. Though I did wonder at many points in my childhood, why she couldn't make up her mind about one sport, stick to it, and stop confusing me.

Maybe that's why I don't like football. Cos my sister never followed it.

Cricket, of course, is different. Like they say, it's not a sport in India. It's a religion. Pre-natal knowledge and interest in cricket is something every Indian has. I still remember the India-Pakistan matches that my sister and I used to watch when we were kids. Mom would pop in and out of the kitchen wearing her maroon and beige apron and holding a spatula every time we screamed.

"Kya hua kya hua?? Sachin hit a six? Sachin hit a four? Sachin got out?"

These are the only things she'd ask. For her, once Sachin got out, the match was over. She'd disappear into the kitchen and not come out, even if we screamed. She'd only come out when it was time to peel the two crazy sisters off the TV screen and serve us food.

India-Pakistan matches had a special significance for me. When you are in love with almost every player in the Indian team and have a crush on almost every player in the Pakistani team, watching an India-Pakistan match can cause quite a turmoil in the mind and the heart. But of course, like they say - true love always crushes the crushes. :D

I remember this particular neighbourhood next to ours, which had a lot of Pakistan fans. They would save firecrackers from Diwali for the India-Pakistan cricket matches and light them whenever Pakistan won. Sometimes the matches would go on till late, and Dad would promptly issue his "Go to bed. NOW." orders to my sis and me, and we'd go to sleep, knowing that if we manage uninterrupted sleep, we would know the next morning that India had won. But if we were woken up by loud "Kaboooom" sounds in the middle of the night, Pakistan would have won. So we would wish for a peaceful night, so we could celebrate the next day.

Whenever I'd go to my grandma's place in the summer holidays, I'd whack sixers with the plastic bat and ball that my little cousin and I played with. We had a rule - if you hit a sixer, you have to find the ball. If you can find it, it's considered a sixer. Otherwise, you're out.

I graduated to gully cricket soon, and sometimes upon vigorous begging, the bhaiyas in the neighbourhood would let me field. But every time I'd ask to bat, they'd say, "Paagal hai kya? Ladkiyan batting nahin karti!" ("Are you crazy?? Girls don't bat!") It took me a few years before they finally gave up and allowed me to bat.

I don't know what happened over the years, but I feel like I'm not a cricket fanatic anymore. Maybe it's the fact that cricket is not so big in Singapore. It's not the same as in India. To me, the heart of cricket is in gully cricket, in the electronics showrooms with the crowd of people outside watching the match, in the common TV set that hangs from a tree in some village in India with the villagers gaping at it, in the radio sets we used to smuggle to school just so we could keep track of the score, in the furious calls to friends, "Did you see that??? Kambli was SO not out! That @#$%&*^% umpire..." and "OMG, I am crazy about Shahid Afridi, but I want him to get out for a duck in the next five minutes."

It makes me sad that I don't feel that spirit anymore, or the fire that I had within me whenever a cricket match was on. A few years ago, I took leave from office to watch a cricket match. My colleagues still find it amusing. But that's been about it. I've pretty much been out of touch ever since. Earlier, I would watch matches that India was playing. I couldn't be bothered with the other countries. But these days, even if India's playing, I only find out when I see the results in the newspaper the next morning (if they bother to publish cricket news). Sigh...

In the past few days, I have been swamped with football talk from colleagues, flatmates and friends, and a slight interest is creeping in. I recently also found out that a football game is only like 2 hours long (yes yes, I did not know, laugh at me all you want). So if I could stay glued to the television for an entire day, watching people throw 300 balls, many of which do not even find their way to the bat, I can surely watch a bunch of guys in shorts running around on a field trying to get to a bigger ball for 2 hours. Just to see what the big deal is really.

Luckily for me, I will start off on a great note. My good friend Bananapen has invited me to her beautiful new house to watch tonight's game on her beautiful new (and may I add, HUGE) TV screen. And I will stay up with a bunch of football fanatics (who will explain things to me) and watch the game from 11 pm to 1 am. And if it is as addictive as people make it out to be, I will come back home and watch the 3 am to 5 am game. Even though I have no idea who is playing the second one.

I think I'm game. Finally.

Don't think about me. It hurts.

My friends and I started this argument at a restaurant last weekend and we still haven't figured out what the correct answer is.

When someone close to you is thinking about you, you ______.
(A) sneeze
(B) cough
(C) get hiccups
(D) all of the above

Personally, I believe that the answer is secret option (E) know who it is and promptly call the person and freak him/her out, but then don't believe me -- I believe in a lot of weird things.

The point of this post is - don't.

Don't think of me. For another week at least.

Why?

Well, let's just say... If you're a fully-disciplined-gym-goer who has just come back from a fully-sponsored-by-loved-ones holiday in the US during which you were fully-pampered-by-loved-ones and you fully-refrained-from-any-form-of-exercise (except for the 10-hour walk in NYC), it's a bad bad bad idea to hit the gym when you get back, and do 200 crunches - twice your usual - in one go.

I had no problems while I was doing the 200 crunches, but when I woke up the next morning... Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

My abs hurt when I _______.
(A) sneeze
(B) cough
(C) get hiccups
(D) all of the above

The correct answer?

Secret option (E) all of the above plus 'laugh'.

:(

Winners (and paranoid Sayesha) never quit!

So rumour has it that my company's CEO has tendered his resignation.

That's it man. So I have seen it all now. Resignations ranging from the toilet cleaner to my boss to my boss' bosses to the CEO now.

And I'm still there.

And I'm reminded of the fact every time any of my ex-colleagues who freelance for me, come to the office. For they take time to visit my cubicle and go, "Sayesha, you're still here?!"

And I sheepishly smile and say, "Yupp.. still here..."

Statistics show that I am close to fulfilling twice the shelf-life of an editor in my department - kids' books. But to the surprise of everyone, and especially the payroll department, I am very close to celebrating my fourth anniversary in the company.

So why why why? Why am I still where I am?

Unveiled for the first time in history, the top ten real reasons why I'm not quitting:

1. What if I quit my job and join a new company, and they give me like... a PC??

2. Worse, what if the PC is old and its screen flickers just like every damn screen of every damn PC shown in every damn hindi movie does??

3. What if my chair is an uncomfortable one??

4. Worse, what if it's one of those un-adjustable low chairs that you make you look at your computer at the same angle that you look at a giraffe's face from??

5. What if they refuse to issue me business cards??

6. Worse, what if the business cards they give me have a typo in my name and they refuse to reprint the cards till I have exhausted all 3000 that they give me in the first round??

7. What if they don't have red Pilot pens??

8. What if the toilets are small and dirty?

9. What if they give me a really stupid sounding email address, just like what I have in my uni, where they chopped off half my name and added the number 0007 (yes, it is indeed triple o seven) to it, making me sound more C-grade agent than secret agent??

10. And the most horrifying one is this - what if they block access to blogspot??????

:O

Are you a hot sexy guys wanting to do frand ships with honest and lovely person?

So Rohit asked me why my Orkut profile is so blank. It just has my name, my blog URL and country. Orkut wouldn't allow me to go surname-less, so I added a random S after Sayesha. Just as well, because my dear friend Lalit likes to refer to me as Sakshaat Sayesha, prefixed by a "Haila!"

Anyway, so Rohit's question brought me back to why I deleted my first Orkut profile in the first place.

I used to have an Orkut account loooong ago, but I deleted it because I was traumatised by messages that went somewhat like "I am wanting to do friendship with you. If you're also wanting to do friendship with me, email me at really_sexy_guy_I_swear_believe_me@blah_mail.com."

The messages were so wanting (if I may borrow that dude's favourite phrase) in sense that I realising that all I was "wanting to do" was delete my Orkut account. And I did.

But recently, I was forced to change my mind.

All because of that little feeling we get in the pit of our stomachs called 'jealousy'.

Jealousy in the blogworld is of three types.

1. The jealousy that arises when you see someone you don't really like commenting on the blog of one of your blog friends ("Hmmm... pandrah taarekh ko raat ke do baje woh tere blog par kya kar raha/rahi thi?")

2. The jealousy that arises when you see one of your blog friends commenting on the blog of someone you don't really like ("Hey bhagwan... ab tu uske blog par subah ke chaar baje kya kar raha/rahi tha/thi??")

3. The jealousy that arises when you see your blog friends getting close to one another without you, simply because you don't have a key to the playground where they hang out. ("Haan?? Tum sab online they?? Ek saath??")

So it was the jealousy of the third kind that made me get a new Orkut account for myself. It appeared to me that my blog friends were having way too much fun without me on Orkut, playing a particularly silly game called scrap-scrap.

And darn, I was missing out.

Secondly, I thought things would have changed now. I thought that guys of our generation are not so dumb anymore to think that girls would actually fall for the stupid lines, taken straight from the days of IM's infancy when "Hi, wanna chat?" was the supposedly the 'in thing' to say to random strangers. I thought guys would have matured over the years and come up with better lines.

But nope, I was wrong. Nothing has changed. The girls have moved on, but the net is still full of guys who are 'really hot sexy guys wanting to do frand ships with honest and lovely person'.

So I decided to compile a list of such messages that are still floating around on the net. The bad english, the typos, the 'Hai'! It's all still there.

Contributions from The girl who sold the world, Rays of sun, Smiling girl, Lalit (Nope, it's not his line. Thankfully.) and Sakshaat Sayesha herself. (And oh, many of these came from the common IFF accounts created coupla days ago.)

1. hi.. I guess I am just around those days where I dont have too many productive things to do. Anyways.. while browsing through orkut ummmm I ran into your profile...found things which I cud relate to .. if you get around to it, I would love to hear from you. Anyways, do give me a hollar and apologies if I freaked you out... cheer's
[Hollar? You want a hollar? How about I give you a dollar and you go buy yourself a pocket book on the English language?]

2. so wot r u doin dese dayz??? seemz like v'll get along well. ur prfile seemz vry intrsting.
[Oh yeah, and you got that from my profile, eh?]

3. Was just going thru your profile and found it interesting. We can get to know more, if u dont mind. Thx.
[Errr... I do mind, actually.]

4. hi iam in ______ now! nice to seee u. i would like 2 make a frnd ship. thnx
[And what do you want me to do - buy you wood and metal for your ship?]

5. iam a sensible person and a good wid heart and non voilent
[Honestly, non-voilent? So you won't beat me?? You mean angels like you exist?? I can't believe my good luck! ]

6. hi i am ____. i am looking for sex. if u r interested call me.
[Must applaud your frankness man!]

7. hai ...this ia ____...i am really interested in u...i am from ____...
["Hai"???]

8. Hi There!..are you cool, easy-going (like me!), fun & open-minded.Wow!.It's really nice to m.
[Mind completing your sentence so I see what twisted idea you have in mind?]

9. i want do frienship with u and shering u r feeling pls give u r id and contact no
my id is ______ if intrested call to me no is ______
[You wanna share me?? With whom? I am feelings? Huh, dude I'm losing you!]

10. i am sexy and free and lovely and romantic call me
[Wow, you are a dream, aren't you?]

11. I am a bit shyful person initially but after knowing each other Iam absolutely friendly. Iam very helpful and honest person.... understanding, urbane, unshakable. Iam looking for a friend who is very caring and understands my views and is honest and lovely person. I look forward for ur fine friendship.
[Shyful, are you? And unshakable at that? You may want my fine friendship, I don't want your coarse friendship.]

12. I am humble, caring person. Ome who is young at heart love to make friends and gives very much importance to life and career devlpoment. I like movies and read journals and magzines,etc.
[Young only at heart, eh?]

13. I am cool guy wants instant friendship with everyone.
[Wow, you just made me hungry... now where's that packet of instant noodles I bought yesterday?]

14. Hai,Hello,would u like to chat with me then repley to this id ok then bye take care of ur self,have a nice day
[Another "Hai"? Nope, I don't want to repley.]

15. waiting for some one made for me, ahha in this world
im sweet here herherehehrehr hahaha
[All right, what did you smoke exactly?]

16. reply for good relation
handsomeguy
[Handsomeguy?? Wow, how exciting.]

17. Wish to meet you... Interested for a fun. To enjoi.
[For a fun, huh?]

18. Searching for an Intimate Friend!!!!!!!!!!
Hi...
I'm XYZ....
I'm intrested in ur friendship....
If u r intrested in friendship...mail me back...
Regards
XYZ
XYZ
[Got your name, dude, you don't have to say it thrice!]

19. Mature and decent guy
Hi there, like to do friendship with me, I am ____/27/M staying alone and the spicy is that I am unmarried, I think you will like the flovour. If you like then give one tinkle to me or mssg me. For tinkle, _________
Buye
[Oooh, that's the spicy, is it? I'm sure I won't like the flovour. Thanks. And you read Tinkle at 27???]

20. please trust me ....ur...privacy is maintained....want to have the steam of love just lookin
[Steam of love eh?]

21. i am cute ...u love to have ...
hear u soon ...bai.
[Hey, who're you calling bai????]

22. Hi how r u ? how is life? contact me if u like to have fun, feelings and friendship. I love to have fun and make friendship. Life is short make it sweet.
[Oh, so I can only have feelings after I contact you, eh?]

23. hello this is _____ and i m looking for fun becasue life istoo short to enjoy
if u want to meet me then u can mail me i m a hot and sweet handsome guy
[Hot and sweet and handsome??? Awwwww....]

24. Hi, This is _____. Your profile has attracted my attention. I am M 35 looking for nice and sincere friendship. Would you like to try out to be friends with me. Do drop in a line.
Best Regards
[Dude, my profile has nothing! Nothing! How can it attract your attention??]

25. Looking for women to have sexy fun
Hi, a 35Year old Business Men from _____. I am good looking , smart , educated and can understand the felling of someone. I keep on travelling to Delhi,Mumbai,Banglore,Chennai,Vijaywada,Vishakapatmam,Hubli,Belgaum regularly.
[So Business Men, are you like one guy or a bunch of them?]

26. Come!!! Enjoy Life to the Fullest..... I'm open-minded,straight,fun-loving guy looking for ur friendship....
[Straight, are ya?]

27. HI AM royalboy. hi i am looking for a good friends out here......jokers pls stay away... call me at his number sio taht i can know what you mean by your oprofile and what you want as well
[Jokers pls stay away? How do you manage to stay away from yourself, dude? And oh, I don't mean anything by my profile. It's just blank.]

28. Hello All, I want some good friend. I am working MNC software company as Manager.If you are interested send mail to ______.But I want some true and good friend.I am working in software company.I want some good friend.i am free and frank who likes fun loving and decent ,and wanna enjoy life without restrictions and needs a good friend who likes me .
[Like Smiling Gal says, don't you have any true and good friend in your MNC?]

29. u seems to be interesting soulmate. Like to be yr firend, pls join me.
[An interesting soulmate, eh? Nope, dun wanna be your firend.]

30. Hi,looking for female friends Seen your profile on the net, send me a mail at _____. I will send more detial, I am from ____ on vacation.
[Not interested in your detials, enjoy your vacation!]

31. hai friend how ru ? what is ur name ? what u do? i am here to find some friend r u intersted mail me ok byee take care
[Yet another "Hai"!]

32. I am simple guy hi friend, how r u iam a software programmer working in sydney, i am very much intrested in meeting fora good fun night, want have to good friend
[So you want a good fun night or you want a good friend?]

33. u want to enjoy the real hot life then u can call me
[Oh wow, real hot life!]

34. Looking for intimate friendship This is _____, 39, good looking engineer & MBA into my own business but I believe distance hardly matters in friendship and can be reached anytime . I am an extrovert, straight, simple, jovial, understanding, well-mannered, caring, fun-loving and passionate person. I would like to have friendship with you.
[Distance can be reached anytime?? Whoa you beat Einstein hands down!]

35. A very straight forward and frank guy with a bit of sense of humour as an ingrients for fun and enjoyment in life..... A person belives in simplicity but that simplicity becomes a style of destiny.........
[A bit sense of humour only? Simplicity becomes a style of destiny???? I lost you there!]

36. Ideally looking for a gal or guy who can share joy & emotion with me.... and togher enjoy some time with fun & pleasure ... this is specifically for the guys or gals who r near to ____.
[Share emotion with you?? How???]

37. hi nice to c u here am an artiste and script writer am funloving caring person am not married not intrested,if ur int in me pls respond
[If you're not interested, why are you here????]

38. You have the beauty that myths are about.
[Jeez.]

39. Hi..beautiful..want to make friendship:D
[You gotta make it on your own then.]

40. I think you are the one I am looking for..Please call me _______!
[Oh, looking for me, are ya?]

41. Heylo madam.. i waant to frandshib you.
[Heylo yourself. No fraandshib.]

Gals, feel free to contribute stuff you've received. :D

Guys, read and learn. What NOT to say. :D

Ever wondered why we never hear of girls sending messages like this to guys?
So if someone has an example of an exception - a girl using a moronic line on a guy, please please please share it with us.

I think we'd all wanna read it! :D

Mis(s)Fit

Whenever I interview someone for my team, I try to see if they would fit in. I love my team. I love being a part of it. We're one of the most cohesive teams in my company *touchwood*. We work together and play the fool together with amazing co-ordination. And somehow, the five of us are very much like one another. So if I feel that a certain candidate will not fit in, even if they have the credentials and experience, I am reluctant to hire them.

So last week I was interviewing this girl. She had excellent credentials, and six years of relevant experience.

"So what made you apply for this job?" I asked.

"Well, one of my very good friends used to work here, and she told me about the work here..."

"Really? What's her name? And what did she tell you about the work?" I asked.

Blank look from interviewee.

Blank look back from interviewer.

"Her name...?" I asked.

"Oh my God, I can't believe I forgot her name. I forgot my own friend's name!" She laughed nervously.

That took me back ten years in time. I had not taken my bicycle that day and so Dad was there to pick me up after school. I was introducing my friends to him, who were standing in a semi-circle around us.

"Dad, this is Raj, and this is Anu, this is Shreya, this is Amit, this is Rajesh, this is Sunny, this is Ritu, and this is..." As I neared completion of the semi-circle, I realised that the name of the last girl had completely escaped my memory. It was unbelievable because she was a very good friend of mine.

So I did the best thing I could think of.

"COUGH-COUGH-COUGH-GASP-CHOKE-COUGH-COUGH!!!"

Someone opened my water bottle and handed it to me, as Dad stood there shocked at my sudden and explosive coughing bout. By the time my coughing had "subsided", my friends had exchanged goodbyes with Dad.

The moment I sat in the car, I exclaimed. "Dad, Pallavi! Pallavi!"

"Huh?" said Dad.

"The last girl! She was Pallavi. Pallavi!!"

"Err... okay..." Dad looked at me with a mixture of confusion and concern.

Flashback over.

So the girl in the interview room continued to look at me blankly for a few more seconds. Then she said, "Uhh... Do you mind if I check my phone?"

"No, problem. Please go ahead."

She looked at her phone, and then proceeded to give me the name of her friend and what her friend had told her about the nature of the work in my company.

Then she looked at me and nervously smiled.

I assessed her in my head.

To forget the name of one of her closest friends' name in the middle of a serious interview where every move of hers was being judged and recorded? To have to look at her phone before she could answer interview questions?

Gosh, this girl was crazy. CRAZY!

"Yup, she'd fit right in." I thought, as I wrote my recommendation.

Just another day at work?

"Sayesha!! Are you really walking barefoot in the office?" asked my colleague.

"Yes, yes I am indeed."

"Oh my God! I didn't notice! You've been like this all day?" another colleague gasped.

"All day."

Okay, here's the story. I wore new shoes to office and during the walk from my place to the train station and then from the bus stop to my office, they had nibbled away thirteen percent of my feet.

And that's why I was walking around barefoot in the office, trying to heal the shoebites, so that I could wear the shoes to go to the toilet and finally to go home. So yes, I was walking all over my office, to the printer, to the photo-copier, to my designers' cubicles, everywhere, in my bare feet. Honestly, the shoes hurt so bad that even if I had a meeting with the CEO, I'd have gone for it in my bare feet. And I wasn't even wearing trousers that would half-hide my feet, I had chosen that day of all to wear a really short skirt.

So yes, I looked funny. And no, I didn't care. It was an ensemble and I pulled it off with confidence. Or at least that's what I would like to believe.

But the conversation with my colleagues gave me an idea for a new post. Whoever reads this is tagged. Muahahaha! :D

Weird and unconventional things I have done at the workplace:

1. Yawned in a colleague's face.
I had a headache and I took two panadols. Okay, here's a lesson - never EVER take two panadols. Not even if the doc has told you, "What?? You mean you always take ONE panadol?? Sayesha, one panadol is child dosage. You should take the adult dosage - TWO panadols!" Maybe I am not just a child at heart. Maybe my body is not ready for adult stuff yet. Sheesh, the damn 'adult dosage' made me SO sleepy I walked around like a zombie in the office that entire day. The moment I reached home, I crashed. 7:30 pm to 6 am. And oh, this was the night my blog got 168 comments while I was happily kumbhu-ing away. The next morning I saw an email from ROS asking me where I was 'cos there was a hungama happening on my blog.

2. Strangled a colleague, and drew a speech bubble with the words 'Don't go!!!' on a piece of paper and held it above my head.
He was my one of my favourite colleagues and he was leaving the company, I was merely trying all means to stop him from going.

3. Used the men's toilet.
Full story here.

4. Sat on my chair with my legs crossed in a yoga posture while my boss was at my cubicle talking to me.
It was freaking cold, okay?

5. Did rangoli.
Nope, I wasn't decorating my office for Diwali. I was just making the rangoli for a photo-shoot.

6. Wore shorts.
Our office arranged an instructor to come down and conduct aerobics classes after work.

7. Combed a colleague's hair.
One of my colleagues was doubling up as a model for a photoshoot for one of our books. I spent half an hour making a top-knot for her.

8. Spent half the day exchanging nonsensical emails with my team, that had absolutely nothing to do about work.
Sometimes you just don't wanna work. Especially on the last Friday of the month.

9. Worked all day wearing a Santa cap.
It was Christmas eve for heaven's sake. A bunch of us got Santa caps and wore them. Many took them off by lunchtime but I kept mine on till the end of the day. One of my designers said to me, "Now that's my kind of Santa!" ;)

10. Joined some thirty-five people in executing a "pink day" at work.
It was the last day of a colleague who likes pink a lot. So a big bunch of us decided to wear pink (yes, even the guys!) for her farewell party!

11. Sat on the floor.
We were packing old manuscripts in boxes to be sent away to our company's warehouse, to make space in the office storeroom.

12. Dozed off for a split second during an incredibly boring meeting. (Okay fine, this one is not so unconventional!)
The only things that kept me awake were my colleague's doodles, which mostly consisted of the word 'HELP!!!!' in big and bold.

13. Did henna on colleagues' hands.
It was Friday Faze Diwali edition!

14. Dried my clothes (while I was still in them) under the hand dryer in the toilet.
I got caught in the rain without an umbrella, and the air-conditioner in my office was freeze-drying me.

15. Played hindi music at full blast.
It was a sunday and I was the only one in the office. I was doing my university assignment and I needed my designer's computer and indesign software to do it. And yes, I got permission first. Sheesh.

16. Went to my publisher's room and said, "J, I wanna quit."
I was depressed about a whole bunch of colleagues resigning and I needed the pep talk from the woman I have admired the most in my entire working life so far.

17. Sent an sms to a colleague asking him to call the meeting room I was stuck in, and ask for me.
I needed an excuse to escape! I was going to literally die of boredom in that meeting. Even exchanging nonsensical emails with my team seemed more productive.

What's the weirdest thing you have done at your workplace?

Kuch meetha ho jaaye?

Dear Namkeen,

I received your email with your apology. Frankly speaking, I had not expected an apology from you, and would have been happy just by having my posts removed from your blog. But the apology came as a pleasant surprise and I accept it with thanks.

However, I am not fully convinced that you pasted my posts from your friend's email and not from my site. Does it then mean that you thought they were your friend's experiences and that you stole your friend's identity? If you honestly thought that the posts came from your friend, it does not make you less guilty. So instead of wronging me, you wronged your friend, you stole her identity. Because you surely were trying to pass off the incidents as yours.

Look at this comment you wrote on the 'Art on sand' post of yours (mine) about the artist I had met and photographed at the Puri beach last year:

"But i was really amazed that he was not frustrated at all. Actually this picture was taken the last day i was there in Bombay i was to leave the next day and that's why that evening i decided to stay back and speak to him.I really wanted to know why he was doing it. And what he was getting out of it. But sad part is he did not speak English or hindi. He spoke a different kind of hindi which i could very hardly understand. So i only understood that he had a family of 4 kids and he had lost his job. He said it was very hard to find a new one and he had been jobless for a month now. Behen mara bacha bhuka pada hai. Khana lana paisa nahi. Ghar jaye to bacha khana mangta. And that's why he would spend most of his evenings at the beach to ease of his frustration. I till you Krsh i felt like hell. And so i gave him some money. He refused to take it initially but i left it there and left.That night i could not even eat i kept on thinking of his family. Today i gave him some money but will that money be enough for him to survive until he finds a job? i told my sister. My sister said there are lots of people like him here in India it's just a pity that the government does not have any system unemployment pensions."

Things like this were too much - You took my posts and my pictures and came up with your fictional stories. And all the little editing jobs you did to your posts... you thought it was enough?? Changing 'Singapore' to 'USA', 'Tapori Sayesha' to 'Tapori Amit' and 'Puri beach' to 'Mumbai beach'? You made me angry, very very angry. So angry that for the first time I realised how much anger I was capable of.

Secondly, you not only violated materials copyrighted to me, but also to my blog commentators. Remember the post about 'Things that will make you laugh'? You even added the comments by Abhinav, Harshi, Aethyr and Macho Girl to make your post. So are you saying that your friend not only copy-pasted my posts in her mail to you, but also the comments?

However, by sending that apology email, you have shown courage and integrity and I respect that. So if what you say is true and your friend was the one who sent my posts (along with the comments AND pictures apparently) to you, maybe you could give your friend a mini-tutorial on how to forward blog posts: If you like someone's blog post, you DO NOT copy-paste the content in a mail and forward it to your friends without naming the source. Instead, you click on the title of the post, copy THE LINK and then send it to your friends.

Some people told me that they pitied you and felt that you were depressed and miserable and having this fake identity and appreciation from people was making you happy. But I don't agree. No matter how manic-depressive or suicidal you are, nothing gives you the right to flick someone else's hard work and life and pass it off as your own just to make yourself feel better. If you have low self-esteem, you've got to fight it yourself.

You renamed one of my posts to 'Mom & Dad, I love you'. Well, if you really loved your Mom and Dad, you would accept them as who they are and not over-write their identities with someone else's Mom and Dad's.

There were also people who thought I should "chill and forget/ignore this". I noticed that they are mostly non-bloggers. Like the anonymous reader on my blog who said the war had no good reason cos my stuff is bakwaas anyway. Yes darling, it is bakwaas, but it is MY bakwaas, and I will defend it. If you have a baby that's not as cute as someone else's, would you not get angry if someone claims it's their baby?? Would you say that it's not a cute baby anyway, so it's okay if someone claims it as theirs?

You will only know how this feels like, when it actually happens to you. Or to someone you're close to. It's easy to take the Anonymous approach and say that this is no big deal. Like the high-horse-guy who thought that slamming my friends in the comments space would take the attention off the real issue here. Dude, I have something to say to you. Everybody has a high horse. Even if you are a complete ass, you have a high horse. I dunno where you got your horse from, but at the place where my friends and I got our horses - plagiarism and identity theft are WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Namkeen, I'm not the one to hold grudges. For me, if a matter is resolved, it is resolved, and there should be no hard feelings remaining. I promise not to have a grudge against you anymore, but I will be honest here and tell you that even though I have forgiven you for the plagiarism, I am just finding it a bit hard to forgive you for making me take down one of my favourite posts - that on baby Aish's expressions. And nope, I will not post it back. But I do hope that this negativity leaves me soon.

I know that your IFF profile got deleted before you could delete the remaining five copied posts. I had contacted your administrators and perhaps they did their duty. I am not sure if the other posts were deleted by you or the IFF administrators. But it doesn't matter now. Maybe it's time to make a new beginning somewhere else with another nick (in case the new slang my friends came up with 'namkeen (v): to copy-paste without permission' kicks off). If you really wanna express yourself, you're welcome to register at blogger.com and join us, the bunch of crazy and happy people who stand by each other and by what we feel is right.

Thanks again for writing in. It has certainly made me feel much better about you. And oh, I will not reproduce your apology email here. Because you own the copyright to it.

Cheers!
Sayesha

Footnote:

I learnt a few lessons from this episode:

1. When you're in trouble, even strangers will extend their help. Jonathan Bailey, the owner of plagiarismtoday.com emailed me with details on how to lodge a formal complaint against such online plagiaristic acts. This dude is amazing. He has been a victim of plagiarism over 400 times in the past four years and has fought them all.

2. It's a good idea to google yourself once in a while.

3. MACs (Mean/Malicious Anonymous Commentators) are not the worst thing that can happen to your blog.

4. But the biggest lesson I learnt from this episode is that when you're in distress, you can never get through it by yourself the way you can get through it if your friends are by your side.

Okay everybody, show's over. Let's put this behind us. So no, I’m not going back to reply to the 163 comments on the last post. :P

Now bring on today's special - the jalebis and kaju ki barfis, cos the bar is back to its (ab)normal self! :)