Does this count?

Baby's first Christmas!

Just for laughs

If you liked this, you may like the below. :)

The warrior princess diaries - V

Okie dok, long time no Xena update. (Thanks, Arun, for the reminder!)

Well, this is not so much an update as a compilation of my FB status updates (that's all the time the girl gives me, and hence the much ignored bar). So those on my FB list may find this repetitive but I figured I should compile everything in one place so that when Xena grows up, she can read it and then sue me for violation of baby privacy.

• Xena recently attended her first Christmas party -- with 23 babies no less! It was quite a sight (and complete chaos) as all the mommies put all the babies on a mat on the floor for a photograph. Xena was fine and smiling until the cute Chinese baby boy next to her started hitting (on) her!

• I have been feeling a lot better lately as more and more people have been commenting that she looks like me. Finally! Phew! A few months ago, everyone (and by that, EVERYONE) said that she's all Viv with no trace of me at all. No wait, some people said that she even looked like Viv's sister, Viv's father, and what not. And oh, who was that person who very annoyingly said that she even looks like Viv's grandmother but nothing like me?? Yeah, that was my mom. :/

• Last month, Xena had her first solid food -- 1/1000th of a banana, and gave me a hurt "And you had kept this from me all these months??" look. But that was just the first time. Now she can't stand bananas. Or avocado. Or butternut squash. Or sweet potato. Or rice cereal. I am lucky if she eats 1 teaspoon of anything without starting her protest rally. Remember when you were a picky eater as a child and your mom used to say, "Dekhna, jab tumhaare bache honge..."? Yeah, that bad-dua actually works...

• Ok, here's some advice for new moms. Before you pat yourself on the back for managing to get a big spoonful of apple purée into your baby's mouth, move your face away. Remember... babies can, will and have the right to sneeze before swallowing. It's their way of saying 'In your face!' Literally. Lil Xena is already into vandalism. She has been spray-painting mommy all over with purée at every opportunity she can get. I am seriously considering borrowing Viv's cricket helmet.

• It's December, which means that finally sunny Singapore gets some good rain -- every day! Two days ago, Xena and I had a lovely mommy-baby bonding moment observing the rain pelting down on the window pane. She lost interest after a while though. I suspect it was because I started explaining to her how thunder and lightning work. Sheesh. Side effects of being a primary science book editor...

• Then there was this time she was sitting on the bed (she has been sitting up without support now, and she can manage that for a few minutes) and she toppled over, and the first thing this nerd mommy said as she picked up her baby was, "Centre of mass, baby, centre of mass!"

• Weather permitting, I take Xena for a walk every day. Last week, I met the world's most polite toddler during our walk. She actually asked, "Excuse me, can I see your baby, please?" and after looking at Xena, said "Thank you." and left. A friend of mine said that I should have bagged and tagged that very rare species.

• Xena keeps me busy and these walks are the only form of exercise I am getting. Wait, that's not true. The rest of me may be gym-deprived but thanks to the ridiculous faces and sounds I make all day long for Xena's entertainment, my facial muscles are in top form!

• Xena was busy playing with her toys and I managed to intervene just in time to prevent a Tyson-Holyfield moment. Let's just say Xena's stuffed purple elephant is sure glad that she doesn't have any teeth yet.

• I am not very sure if she is teething yet, but her finger-chomping is full on. First she chomped on her own fingers. Then she chomped on my fingers. Then she made me chomp on her fingers. At one point, I considered chomping on my own fingers just to complete the circle. I finally put mittens on her hands to stop all the slurpy chomping and it was hilarious -- she looked like she was just about to take something out of the oven!

• A friend of Viv's once said about babies, "It's like they download new features overnight!" Truer words were never spoken. Xena woke up one morning with the raspberry function downloaded, and now a lot of her actions are accompanied by that hilarious sound.

• Speaking of new features, Xena and I had a disagreement over her bedtime and she insisted she was right. And the very next moment, she had her foot in her mouth. Muahahaha. Ok, I meant literally. Some of my Chinese and Malay friends remarked that when a baby starts chomping on his or her feet, he or she is putting in a request for a sibling. HOLY COW. Thankyouverymuch.

• Viv ran the StanChart marathon this year too, and Xena and I tracked his route using the 'Find My Friends' app on the iPad. Well, I did the tracking and pointing "Look, papa is here!" and "Oh look, papa is now here!" while she just looked bored.

• Were you affected by the Kolaveri phenomenon? I was! And very much so. And Xena had to suffer the consequences. (No, I didn't play it for her all the time. I did something worse. I SANG it to her all the time.)

• I was once interrupted in the middle of singing a lullaby by Xena's own singing. Yep, her majesty prefers to sing her own lullabies, thankyouverymuch.

• Ok, before you call child services, let me tell you that I don't always sing for her. Sometimes I play songs online for her too, especially during her massage. Once I played Kailasa, but I got THE look. I knew it. I shouldn't have started off with Sheila ki jawani.

• Viv is great with her. He is in charge of her massage and bath before he leaves for work, and he bottlefeeds her after coming back from work. He sings to her and she sings back! (Hmmph!) The only thing he's not very good at is fashion designing for babies. There was this time when she spit up a bit of milk and he changed only her top. I swear she looked like Govinda in her yellow top and pink pants!

• She doesn't have much hair yet, but I bought this hairband for her online, which comes with two nylon pigtails attached. It was such a riot when I put it on her. She suddenly looked a lot older! (Yes, yes, calm down, there is a picture below).

• She doesn't sleep much in the daytime but calls it at a day quite early at about 6:30 pm. If I want to watch something on TV in the afternoon, she gears up to watch it too. But Viv and I have a strict no-TV policy with her, so I put a tissue box in front of her and tell her that's her TV and she watches that without complaining.

• Because of her short daytime naps, I can't get much done during the day. I have to split tasks such as cooking and washing and sterilising her bottles into short chunks. However, on one memorable afternoon, she took a record 3-hour nap. I suspect she was watching a full Hindi movie in her dream. Without fast-forwarding the songs. Aakhir beti kiski hai...

• Oh the luxurious life of a baby. Once Xena woke up in the middle of the night, distressed because her sleeves were too long and she couldn't see her fingers. I rolled back her sleeves, she examined (and probably counted) all her fingers and promptly went back to sleep.

• She is generally a happy baby, but what I like the most is that she reserves her best toothless watermelon smile just for mommy. (What is a watermelon smile, you ask? Well, it's a smile that looks like a watermelon slice -- when the upper lip is a horizontal line and the lower lip is a semicircle.)

Can't put a name to her?

It's a scene of total chaos at the Bachchans'. The Bachchan clan is in the living room, everyone talking at once. There is a punditji sitting on a mat on the floor. Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten is sitting on a branch on the tree in the garden, hurriedly taking notes.

Amitabh - Ok everybody, I have called this urgent meeting because it has become a matter of embarrassment that we don't have a name for the baby yet! So let's get cracking and decide on the name today itself.

Abhishek (beams proudly) - Pa, I have already asked everyone on Twitter to suggest names. What an idea, sirjee, huh? Bas ek do din ki baat hai, achha sa naam rakh denge.

Amitabh - Twitter?? You asked tweeple to name your baby? Cheh! This is a private affair. Hamaare ghar ki baat hai!

Abhishek (mutters under his breath) - Says the person who tweets if he pees.

A servant comes, holding the phone.

Servant (to Aishwarya) - Madamji, aapke liye hospital se phone aaya hai...

Aishwarya - Hospital se phone? What do they want now? Bol do unko... hum bill pay chuke sanam!

Amitabh (to servant) - Aur kisi ka phone uthaane ki zaroorat nahin. Not until this discussion is over. Punditji, aap hi kuchh achha sa naam bataayein?

Punditji - Yajmaan, main sochta hoon ki naam toh bache ke maa-baap ko hi rakhna chahiye. Kyun Abhishek, tumhaari kya rai hai?

Abhishek - Meri toh Aishwarya Rai hai! Heh heh!

Amitabh gives him a dirty look.

Punditji - Meri taraf se taiyaari ho chuki hai. Namkaran ka shubh muhurt bhi nikal aaya hai. Bas naam aur naamkaran kahan karna hai yeh bata deejiye, main pahunch jaunga.

Amitabh - Kahan karna hai matlab?? Duh! Twitter par, aur kahan?? Oh I see! Abhishek, zara punditji ka account khulwa dena twitter par...

Punditji (looks lost) - Jee? Twitter? Yeh kaun sa mandir hai? Yajmaan, naamkaran toh mandir mein kiya jata hai...

Amitabh - Twitter mandir hi hai, punditji. Wahan par ek karod se zyada log mujhe worship karte hain... (gives a condescending look to Abhishek)

Abhishek (looks grumpy) - Pa, aap Twitter par bahut zyada regular hain is liye itne followers hain... Mujhe toh time hi nahin milta...

Amitabh - Haan haan kyun nahin, dozens of movies ke offers jo aa rahe hain!

Abhishek - Pa, jab mera career khatam ho jaayega aur main retired ho jaunga toh main bhi...

Amitabh - Toh what are you waiting for??

Jaya - Stop it, you too! Let's focus on the issue at hand! Abhishek, do you have any suggestions?

Aishwarya - I have one...

Jaya - I did not ask you. You stay out of this, my dear. Abhishek, do you have any suggestions?

Abhishek - I have one, I have one! Abhineta. The name starts with Abhi and it means 'actor'. And if acting doesn't work out, she can join politics and be a 'neta'! Heh heh!

Amitabh (shakes his head) - Sheesh. Sometimes it's hard to believe you're my son... Aishwarya, what did you see in him?

Aishwarya - Actually...

Amitabh - There is no need to answer that.

Abhishek - Ok, let's look at the suggestions given by some of the tweeple. Shaayad kuchh achha sa naam nikal aaye?

Amitabh - Ok fine.

Abhishek - Ok this one is from Malaika Arora. She says we should take 'Ash' from 'Aishwarya' and 'Shek' from Abhishek. Not a bad idea, huh?

Jaya - ASS SHAKE?!

Abhishek - Ahem. Ok rejected. I should have known, it's Malaika after all... Ass shake... uska toh kaam hi wohi hai...

Amitabh - SRK ne koi suggestion diya hai?

Abhishek - Haan, lekin we won't take that.

Amitabh - Why not?!

Abhishek (looks around shiftily)- Because his Ra.One did better than our Raavan. Hmmph!

Amitabh - Ok, that's a good point. And what did Karan say?

Abhishek - Karan didn't suggest a name but he has asked for dates.

Jaya - Dates? Whose?

Abhishek - Baby's. He wants to have her on his show as soon as she can speak.

Aishwarya - Koffee with Karan? You want our baby to have coffee with Karan??

Abhishek - Of course not! Arre, it's a special episode. It will be called Toffee with Karan.

Amitabh - Haan woh sab baad mein. Woh Navratan lal tel waalon ka bhi phone aaya tha. I told them baby will do the endorsement as soon as she grows some hair.

Abhishek - Oh look, Sushmita also sent a message.

Aishwarya (surprised)- Oh, she did?? What does she say??

Abhishek - She says she has reserved a place for baby in her beauty pageant training academy.

Aishwarya - Oh that's nice of her.

Abhishek - Wait, there's a PS in small font.

Aishwarya - What does it say??

Abhishek - PS: I beat you in the Miss India contest in '94, ha!

Aishwarya storms off and reaches the garden.

SSSK climbs down from the tree to get a byte.

SSSK - Aishwarya! Aishwarya!

Aishwarya - Huh?! Who are you??

SSSK - I am a reporter. Could I please just ask you one question?

Aishwarya - Finally! Please go ahead.

SSSK - So I read that you gave birth without opting for any painkillers? Why? I mean... why why why?

Aishwarya - Hmmm... I am going to answer that question not because I want to, but because in this house someone has finally asked for MY input.

SSSK - Erm... Sure...

Aishwarya - Well, I have dated Salman Khan and now I am a Bachchan bahu. What's a little physical pain compared to that, eh?

Aishwarya winks and goes back into the house, leaving SSSK gaping.

The discussion is still going strong. It's also not going anywhere.

Amitabh - We need a really really good name. Something that stands out. Something that is royal and majestic and announces the arrival of the greatest actress of all time.

Abhishek & Aishwarya - Actress??

Amitabh - Of course. She will be a very talented actress.

Abhishek - Actress toh theek hai, Pa, but how can you be so sure ki talented actress banegi?

Amitabh (exchanges a look with Jaya, leans forward and looks straight at Abhishek and Aishwarya) - Yes, I am sure. You see... talent skips a generation.

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time

The designer qaidi sits alone in her cell, thinking about what she has done.

(Criminal record: Didn't finish her milk. Repeat offender. Already on parole.)

The warrior princess diaries - IV

So Shub reminded me that it has been a while since I posted any updates on Xena's health. (Yes yes I know I know. The bar is increasingly becoming a reminder-based system, and all posts are baby-related. Blame Xena, not me.)

• So here are some updates from the last few follow-ups Xena had at the hospital. The brain scan showed that the bleed is now smaller but it's still there. They will scan again in two months to check the size. Her heart scan showed that the 'unnatural hole' that the doctors had hoped would have closed has still not closed. They will scan again in a year's time to check on it. Her weight gain is quite slow; she is gaining about half of what regular babies gain each month. As she was very premature and had very low birth weight, some other developmental delays may occur, such as the timeline for crawling, sitting without support, etc. Let's see.

• Before her heart scan, the doctor asked me, "Pacifier ready? Milk ready?" I nodded, wondering how much she was going to cry. To our surprise, not only did she not cry at all, she even held the doctor's hand and tried to guide the sensor as if saying, "Offo, this is how you do it!" The doctor and the nurse were amused to no end.

• At her last blood test, the nurse was examining her hand to find a vein when she said, "Wow. So many!" I looked at her hand to see what she was talking about and saw them - poke marks from all the blood tests she had had in her ICU days. I think I counted about 19 in total on both hands. :(

• Every single time she went to the hopsital, the doctors and nurses referred to her as 'he'. Sheesh. Even when she was in a PINK bodysuit! Double sheesh. So for her vaccination appointment, I made her wear a romper with words that said it loud and clear - Baby Girl.

• Xena had fever after her vaccination. It was the first time she was unwell at home. It's really really scary when babies get fever. Viv and I were up sponging her, giving her paracetamol and taking her temperature every now and then. Fortunately, she was totally fine by morning and showed all signs of her usual cheerful self.

• Xena outgrew two outfits. Finally. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was.

• Mom has gone back and suddenly the house seems odd. I have had my parents or in-laws at home with me since January, so it seems everything has suddenly gone quiet. Xena and I do try to make as much noise as possible though. For example, we danced to Ra.One's 'Chammak chhallo' today!

• There was a problem with Mom's ticket and she jokingly asked Xena to 'fix it'. Next thing we know, her departure was postponed by a week. YEAY! I told her that our little 'travel agent' had 'fixed it' and kept a nice bonus for herself -- an extra week with grandma! When I told my sister, she was horrified. "Here I am, hoping to make Aishu the President of USA, and you're calling Xena a travel agent???"

• I found some home remedies on google for Mom and Dad, and Mom was so impressed. "Yeah, I have an MBBS from Google University." I told her. From that day, Mom started calling me 'Doctor' and Xena 'compounder' from that day! (You can only imagine my sister's horror when she heard this.)

• I had a wonderful heart-melting moment last week. I woke up, stretched and turned to look at Xena who had been sleeping next to me, and she had also just woken up and was stretching in exactly the same way!

• Speaking of waking up, Xena thinks my nose is a knob that she needs to turn at 6 am every day "in order to wake mommy up".

• She has discovered that she can hold both feet with her hands and 'shows off' at every opportunity she can get.

• She has learnt to pull her own hair in frustration. I suppose she figured that she had pulled almost everything off Mommy's head already, so it was time to move on to 'blacker' pastures. Luckily, she doesn't have much on her head at the moment. And I know you guys are going to ask me what I did to frustrate her thus, so here it is -- I was singing. Happy now? Hmmmph!

• I caught her doing crunches! All right, who called her fat??

• She has started a new trick of giving 'taal' by beating her palm on my hand, as if she is singing some major Indian classical piece.

• Remember how our moms used to say, "You will understand when you have your own kids." at every opportunity they got, and we never took it seriously? Well, from experience, it's true. You start to see the world and your life in a completely new light once you have a kid. And the biggest change that I have noticed is that even though I had always been terribly close to Mom, now I appreciate her so so SO much more.

A bundle of laughs

Xena's 12-step guide to project management

On speaking terms

After a week of trying to teach Xena to say the preferred "Mama" and "Papa", this is the result. She said "Amma" and "Baba" in the same, erm, "sentence".

What can you do, the gundi wants her own terms.



Behind-the-scenes / The-making-of video