Flipping out

I have something to say to the woman who audaciously jaywalked across Ophir Road just before it meets the highway, at approximately 6:05 pm today:

"You! What were you thinking?? Are you aware that it is a crime to wear flip-flops with formals????"

Political view

So I watched Raajneeti today. I'd been looking forward to it since I saw the trailer, and was particularly intrigued by the scene where Ranbir Kapoor was brooding and blowing smoke rings. I also wanted to see how Katrina would do in the Sonia Gandhi avatar. And I'd read that it was based on the Mahabharat, a story that has always fascinated me. (I own the full DVD set of B.R. Chopra's Mahabharata.)

Well... overall, it was okay. Not great but not too bad either. And if you like Ranbir and Rampal, it's an absolute visual treat.

Random thoughts from the movie (warning: spoilers galore):

• I spent the first ten minutes of the movie just trying to get the family right. Wait, he's the chacha or the taya or the papa? Oh, so these two are brothers? Hey, why is this guy calling that guy nana? So she's his brother's wife? Wait, who is Katrina then?
  
  
• The Mahabharata references were quite interesting and I had a fun time drawing parallels. (Even though it was a little disturbing to see the circumstances under which Kunti and Surya Devta created Karna, and dharmaraj Yudhisthir getting promptly seduced for an election ticket.)
  
  
• Nana Patekar made an awesome Vidur (with shades of Krishna).
  
  
• With all the shuttling of Katrina between Ranbir and Arjun, I half expected three more brothers to surface and share the Draupadi.
  
  
• Viv said there were many references to the Godfather movies as well, but I couldn't tell because I've never been able to finish any of the Godfather movies. (*ducks to avoid chappalon-ki-baarish*)
  
  
• If you've always dismissed Katrina as a bad actress, watch out for the scene where she appeals to the crowds not to vote for the guys who took her suhaag. In that particular scene, she's not bad. She's abysmal.
  
  
• The movie is so full of grey characters, you do not know whom to root for. After a while, I gave up and decided to take the very objective approach of rooting for Arjun Rampal, my very objective reason being that he is so very hot.
  
  
• And then they killed him, so I had to switch to Ranbir because not only is he very good-looking, he can act. And... and... and... just when you thought he couldn't get any hotter, they gave him glasses! *swoon*
  
  
• I'm not sure if I'd have accepted the character of a guy doing his PhD in the US on 19th century poetic literature, coming back to India and taking to guns and politics like a fish to water, if it hadn't been played by Ranbir. I think I have reached the stage where I like Ranbir so much that he can play a dead body and I'd go "WOW, he sure pulled that off".
  
  
• Okay, how good-looking is the Arjun-Katrina pair? It's blinding, all that beauty. I could imagine Prakash Jha screaming "My eyes! My eyes!" when they first stood together in front of the camera. No wonder they had to kill one of 'em.
  
  
• What was with the phenomenal pregnancy strike rate in the movie? Strike one. Strike two. Strike three.
  
  
• What the heck was that item song for?!
  
  
• Did your audience burst into peals of laughter when Kunti went to bring Karna home? Mine did. We were literally falling off our chairs laughing, every time she uttered a sentence. Good comedy, that scene.
  
  
• The movie may be full of diggaj actors, but it's the bacha of the lot Ranbir who walks away with all the acting accolades.
  
  
• I LOVE the 'Mora piya mose bolat naahi' song. But I kept waiting for the original to play and it didn't. They played like four remixes (Trance mix, Twilight mix, New Moon mix and Harry Potter mix) in various parts of the movie but there was no sign of the original.
  
  
• Naseeruddin Shah! Shame on you! Aapke yeh din aa gaye hain? How much did they pay you for that? Two-way auto-rickshaw fare?
  
  
• Ever since he lost that vowel, Ajay Devgn seems to have put on weight on his face, no? Kjol, do something!
  
  
• What was with the extreme hindi? Adaraniya karyakari mahasachiv? What the...?! I'm wondering if Katrina had any clue what was going on around her at all.
  
  
• I read an interview somewhere where Katrina denied that her character was modelled after Sonia Gandhi. "It's modelled after Priyanka Gandhi actually," she said. Chup, Katrina. You played Sonia Gandhi, okay? Fine, maybe your hindi accent was marginally better.
  
  
• I loved the ending. My nightmare ending scene would have been Ranbir shooting at Ajay, Nana Patekar flinging himself in the line of fire, uttering the words, "Nahinnnn, usko mat maaro, woh tumhara bhai hai!", as he lay dying in a shared lap belonging to Ranbir and Ajay, both brothers hugging each other, and eventually winning the election together.
  
  Yep, I'd have thrown my shoe at the screen.

A sound decision

So I am on the phone with Aish.

Me - Hi, Aishuuu!!

Aish - Mausiiiiiii!!

Me - Aishu, when will you come to Singapore??

Aish - Singapore... But I can't go to Singapore...

Me - WHAT?! WHY NOT???

Aish - Because I can't take a plane to Singapore...

Me - WHAT?! WHY NOT???

Aish - You know the toilets in the plane...

Me - Yes?

Aish - The flush...

Me - Uh huh...

Aish - The flush makes a very loud sound. I get very scared.

Me - Err...

Aish (with an air of finality) - And that's why I can't go to Singapore.

See you tomorrow!

Why I am looking forward to tomorrow:

• I will have reason to make masala chai every day and great company to enjoy it with.
  
  
• I will check out some of the touristy places in Singapore that I haven't been to yet, such as the Singapore Discovery Centre and the Asian Civilisations Museum.
  
  
• I will play proper Scrabble. Viv is hopeless because he makes hopeless words like 'Flexthiz' and 'Bi'.
  
  
• Group Sudoku yeaaaahhhhhh! :D
  
  
• I won't come back to an empty house after work.
  
  
• I will finally have a reason to call my home telephone number.
  
  
• Viv will be home a little earlier than his usual "I was debugging, you see, and I found this BEEG BUGG!" homecoming hours. (Dude, you put the bug in the program yourself, and then you debug it and then you expect me to be impressed? Sheesh.)
  
  
• I will be able to make full use of the Great Singapore Sale.
  
  
• I will have a bucketload of Kurkure. And I will take some to work. (My colleagues love it too! They call it 'Indian Twisties'. LOL!)
  
  
• I will have the DVDs of my favourite new Hindi movies, which are not yet in my collection.
  
  
• I will have yummy rasam.
  
  
• I won't have to sit through Viv's cricket matches by myself. I will have company to shake my head at and say, "How do these guys play under the blazing sun all day long??"
  
  
• I will have one guy who wholeheartedly agrees with me that Viv is a dhakkan.

Yup, the in-laws land tomorrow morning! :)

Microwaved baingan ka bharta

I hated baingan ka bharta (BKB) when I was a kid. I don't know why -- maybe it was the mushy texture, the ugly colour of the dish, the smell of roasted brinjal or the fact that it just didn't taste the same as, say, pani puri.

So imagine my joy when I found out I could microwave brinjal (thanks, mom-in-law, for the awesome tip!), thus doing away with the characteristic burnt BKB smell. I know some people like the dish for its smell, but unfortunately I don't.

So here it is, the recipe for BKB in a very highly edible form.

Ingredients:
Brinjal - 1, long (the round ones should work too, though I have never tried it)
Tomatoes - 3, medium, diced
Onion - 1, small, diced
Mustard seeds - 1 teaspoon
Chilli powder to taste
Salt to taste
Oil
Coriander leaves for garnishing

Method:
1. Wash the brinjal and cut it into three pieces, each roughly the length of your forefinger. Slightly oil the surface and poke holes with a fork.

2. Arrange them on a shallow glass dish and microwave on high for 2 minutes. Turn them and microwave again, until they turn a disgusting shade of pale purple and brown (see picture below).














3. Cut the microwaved brinjal (it should be very very soft and easily cut) into small pieces (see picture below). You don't need to peel the brinjal (good source of fibre). Besides, it's very difficult to peel microwaved brinjals compared to roasted ones. By the way, the peel doesn't interfere with the taste at all.














4. Heat oil and add the mustard seeds.

5. Once they finish sputtering, add the onions and fry till they become translucent.

6. Add the tomatoes, salt and chilli powder and cook until the tomatoes are half-done.

7. Add the brinjal, mix thoroughly and cook for a few more minutes.

8. Garnish with coriander leaves and serve hot.

Bytes from Kites

Finally, after reading the scary reviews and undergoing the 'To see or not to see' drama, I did it. I watched Kites. And here are my random thoughts after watching it (caution: spoilers present):

• First things first. I liked the movie. But it seems the reviewers don't like it and the junta doesn't like it (I read that people in India were walking out midway!) and sadly, it's a flop. I had called the theatre at 6.30 pm with my usual, "Aur sunao, dhandha kaisa chal raha hai?" query, aka "Are the tickets for the 7.45 show selling very fast?" and the woman who answered the phone laughed and said all the seats were available. Sheesh.
  
  
• Barbara Mori is a very good actress, and not AT ALL Megan Fox-esque like I'd expected her to be. I think it is very tough to impress people with your acting when you are this good-looking, and she managed it. In fact, I thought she acted better than Hrithik. There was a certain earnestness and sincerity about her that surpassed even Hrithik's.
  
  
• Hrithik and Barbara make an extremely good-looking couple. I didn't find her as hot as it was rumoured, but I did find her very beautiful. Hell, she looked good even with her messy hair and minimal to no make-up!
  
  
• Frankly, I don't think Barbara can make a home in Bollywood, but it would have been nice to have a good actress added to our very limited pool of the barely watchable and almost intolerable ones. And they had to show Raavan's trailer during the intermission to prove my point. Aishwarya, kuchh seekho!!
  
  
• Speaking of bad actresses, how terrible was Kangana in the scene where she breaks into Hrithik's house? I have NEVER heard a worse American accent than the one she tried to put on. Even though the director tried to salvage the scene by putting a baatli in her hands, it didn't help. Kangana should be barred from speaking in English at all times, just like how Deepika Padukone should be barred from speaking in Hindi at all times.
  
  
• It was nice though to see Kangana NOT play a drunk, drugged, psychotic suicidal character.
  
  
• Hrithik, please act in more movies so your strike rate is higher. You tried the Raj-Rahul thingie a la SRK. You tried the body banao thingie a la Sallu. Now you've tried the one-movie-a-year thingie like Aamir. Aise toh tera kuchh nahin hoga, beta.
  
  
• Hrithik sure sounded good in the title song.
  
  
• Kabir Bedi! What the...?! Tumhaare yeh din aa gaye hain??
  
  
• The actor who played Tony is called Nick Brown??? Huh??? Or is he one of those Kalpen Modi turned Kal Penn types? What could his real name be, to make it Nick Brown? Nikhil Brahmachari?
  
  
• What the hell was the OTT hang-upside down torture scene? And the Tony guy actually thought that it was a good idea to let a murder witness get away so "he can go and warn others about what happens to people who cheat in casinos"??? Hey bhagwaaaaaan!
  
  
• They blew up wayyyyy too many cars. Unnecessarily.
  
  
• I remembered the actress who played Kangana's mother from Pardes. Has anyone seen her in a movie where she does not play a snobbish super rich NRI?
  
  
• Pizzadude!! Even Hrithik Roshan can speak more Spanish than you now. Get on with it, lazybum!
  
  
• I have to agree with Shub that Hrithik looked like Jesus Christ in his bearded scenes.
  
  
• Looking at how short she was of time, I actually wondered why Linda bothered to put the ellipse (...) in her last sms. Seedha bolna tha na "OK bye". (I'm kidding about the OK bye. Must. Specify.)
  
  
• Did anyone else notice the similarities between Anurag Basu's earlier Gangster and this one? Forbidden love in a foreign country, the eloping, the violence, the fake passports and a near exact copy of the last scene, down to the post-death union? Come on, man.
  
  
• Yet another movie where the best friend dies. Sigh.
  
  
• Speaking of the post-death scene, the whole underwater thing was so unnecessary. It would have been nice to end the movie with the jump. Splash and finito.
  
  
• Viv actually said that he thought Hrithik would jump into the water in the last scene and find that Barbara is still alive in some underwater cave. *Thunk thunk thunk* I told him that if he were a movie director, only I would watch his movies even I would refuse to watch his movies.

Specially fo(u)r you

Bar mein aaj hai budday bash
Kaiku?
Arre char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Good wishes karne ka, mamu...
Nikaalo sab ek ek eyelash!
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Now eligible for hafta-wasooli
We take credit card or cash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Teekhi nazar hai Masi jaisi
Kahan chhupa rakha hai stash?
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Mana nahin karne ka, kya re?
Face ko kar degi woh smash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Size par nahin jaane ka, samjha?
Panga lega, hoga thrash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Akkhi life ho jaayegi
Teri aankhon ke aage flash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Masi se badhkar hai Tiny Tapori
Teri shakal ko kar degi backyard trash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Pata bhi nahin chalega re tujhko
Tera thobda hai ya plane crash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Uske nanhe haathon se hi
Aloo ke mafik hoga mash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Chal, kalti maar le yahan se
Bole toh, kar le tu dash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Short and sweet

Two things that made me smile:

An email from my Dad: "BTW, what does LOL mean?"

An email from my Mom-in-law that started with "OMG!"

:)

De-lighting you always

My Dad sent me an email this morning. Like all of his emails, this one had a story too, and I just had to post it at the bar. (Yes, he knows.)

***

Once while I was driving, a friend was coming from the opposite direction. (No. Relax. I did not hit him.) I saw him gesturing something. His lips were moving and the fingers in one of his hands were moving like how children do while singing 'Twinkle, twinkle little star'. I stopped the car and asked him what he was trying to say. He said that the headlights of my car were on. Then I understood what he had been gesturing. I switched off the lights, thanked him and moved on.

From then onwards, whenever I was walking or driving, I noticed that a number of two-wheelers, while on the move, had their headlights on. Then I started repeating what my friend had done that day. This has now become a habit with me. Whenever and wherever I walk, I find that a good number of people ride their two-wheelers with the headlights on, even during the day. (I have rarely seen a car in such a state though.) So, as a good citizen, I try to gesture to them to switch off the lights.

The responses I get are of 3 types. In most cases (almost 90% of my targeted beneficiaries), they respond, switch off the lights and move on with a smiling and thankful look at me. People belonging to the second group (about 8%) fail to notice my gesturing as their eyes are fixed ahead like the beam of light emanating from their vehicles. They ride on merrily. The third group of people (the remaining 2%) get confused as to what I am trying to convey. They notice me, waver, and their vehicles sway a little, making me afraid that they would lose balance and cause an accident.

There is yet another group, that of some pedestrians. They observe me and their reactions range from giving me a queer look to a slight derision wondering whether I have gone out of my mind.

Yet, I do not want give up this habit. It gives me a little satisfaction that I am helping in energy-conservation, preventing wastage of valuable national wealth and contributing a little to reduce global-warming!!!!!!!!!! (Tall claim, isn't it?)

***

Dad, this is reason #736 why you really really need to start a blog. :)

No worries

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