Atta-boy!

When you've lived 14 years in a country like Singapore, you get used to a certain (read alarmingly high) level of efficiency. It's so very different from the Indian way of doing things, aka the adjust maadi and chalta hai yaar way. I try not to be too cynical of the Indian way because it's great at times, but it does piss me off when Indian organisations operating here make no effort to catch up in terms of efficiency. It bugs me more because when non-Indians complain about such things, I feel like I should rise to the defense but I really have no case.

For some stuff in life, you have alternatives. But for others, you don't. Atta is top of the list. I don't have any source of atta around where I live and so we have to make that trip to Little India once in a few months to lug back atta, rajma, paneer and masalas. All that changed when I came across a website for ordering all the Indian groceries I wanted and more! I could not believe my eyes. Here, in front of me, was a seemingly functional website, where I could just click on the items I wanted and they would deliver it to my doorstop. Like real. (You will understand my amazement when I tell you that recently we ordered dinner using the website of a very popular Indian restaurant, and in spite of getting a confirmation SMS and an email, the food did not arrive. When we called, we were told that their records did not show any order. If these guys ran Pizza Hut or McDonalds, it would shut down within the hour.)

So with trembling fingers, and a heart that was beating fast with a mixture of hope and amazement, I placed the order (minimum $80 for free delivery). I received the confirmation email that the delivery would be made the next day, but from my experience with such emails, they don't mean anything in the Indian world. Add to the fact that the payment terms were cash or cheque upon delivery, I had little hope of the stuff making it to my doorstep. Ever.

The next morning, I received a call from them to tell me that they would deliver within the next hour or so.

[So the website was functional! 10 points!]

Frankly speaking, I'd had no hope, so I'd been out with Xena, lunching with a few friends when they called. I told them that I might not be home so fast and asked them if they could deliver a little later. They said their delivery zones and timings were fixed and asked me if it was safe to keep the stuff outside my door if I was not at home. I said ok, and only after hanging up did I realise that we had not discussed how I would pay them if they simply left the stuff outside my door.

[So they trusted the customer to make the payment later? Wow. 10 points!]

Anyway, I managed to be home by the time they said they'd deliver.

[They delivered on time! 10 points!]

After the delivery guy left, I checked the items and realised there was a mistake with the most critical item of all -- my precious atta!

[Wrong item delivered! Minus 20 points!]

So I called up their customer service hotline.

[No annoying automated service! No annoying music! A live human picked up! Within two rings! 40 points!]

"Hi, I'd ordered Pillsbury atta but some Aashirwad atta was delivered to me instead."

"You don't want the Aashirwad atta?"

[Duh! For annoying an already annoyed customer, minus 10 points!]

"No, I want my Pillsbury atta."

"You want your Pillsbury atta... Hmmm... Ok ma'am, we will make the replacement delivery on Thursday."

"Great, thanks!"

[No one came on Thursday. Minus 20 points.]

I called them on Friday. The hotline rerouted to some mobile number and the guy told me he was outside and would call me back within half an hour.

[Two hours. Nobody called. Minus 20 points.]

I was beginning to get really annoyed. The 5-kg bag of Aashirwad atta was lying on the kitchen counter, mocking me. Saying "Use me!"

I called the hotline again.

"Hi, this is about the atta exchange. You said you'd call me back in half an hour. It's been almost two hours and I didn't get any call."

There was a pause and then he spoke. His exact words were (I kid you not):

"Oh. Ma'am, I was just thinking about you."

[Ok fine, 10 points for the originality of the excuse and another 10 for making me laugh out loud.]

You gotta hand it to him

So Viv is describing someone to me, and this is how he does it. His exact words, ok?

"She had two kids. An older girl and a handheld."

The warrior princess diaries - VIII

The bar may have been silent for a while, but Xena has not. She is now saying actual words, which is totally awesome, and I have been busier than usual because I'm trying to teach her life-altering words like "Shah Rukh". (I'm not kidding, scroll down to see video). Ok, so here are the latest updates on the warrior princess.

For once, I have no hospital updates. There have been no hospital visits recently (touchwood) and her heart scan is in October.

In my last post about her, I had talked about some of the difficulties I was facing with her feeding, a.k.a she does not want to eat. Anything. At all. Things are a little better now. For a baby who only started eating solids at 15 months, I must say it's a milestone that she is now able to eat tiny pieces of cheese. However, the actual mealtimes are still battles, and she needs a lot of distraction while I feed her. Not ideal, but at least I haven't resorted to turning on the TV yet. And the other day, I actually managed to feed her some spinach-infested porridge!!!!! Dhakki tiki! Dhakki tiki! (And yes, my choice of words does convey my own true feelings towards spinach. And its hara-bhara khandaan in general.)

If I ever bump into Shah Rukh Khan, I will thank him for being responsible for at least one of the three meals that I attempt to feed her every day. You see, while I feed her, I let her browse through this old issue of Filmfare that has him on the cover. The first time I showed it to her, I said, "Look, Shah Rukh Uncle!" She said "Tah Tuk!" I believe she probably knows he was Datuk'ed by Malaysia! Aakhir beti kiski hai!

And here she is, saying "Shah Rukh" (or her version of it)



I got my first ever gift from Xena -- a dried leaf she picked up during our evening walk. I almost choked. No, not on tears of joy or anything. I meant literally. Because she tried to feed it to me. :/

She finally has a favourite toy, and to my utter delight, it's a Dr. Atom puppet! Dr. Atom is a character in a series of science books, and a science magazine that I write for. She loves the toy so much, some mornings she wakes up and the first words she says are 'Dottoh dottoh?'

That's Dr. Atom!

Here's her looking high and low for him, and then gesturing to say that she can't find him.


Speaking of waking up in the mornings, there is no feeling more powerful than being woken up in the morning by your baby. Especially when she uses a roundhouse kick aimed at your face to do it. (She absolutely refuses to sleep in her cot anymore.)

Like all babies of this generation, Xena is extremely tech-savvy. I wonder if even Apple is aware of some of the iPhone features that she has discovered and demonstrated to us. Example: She zoomed Viv's wallpaper picture so much that all the icons were not visible anymore. Believe me, we had to turn to google to find out and undo what she had done (triple-tapped the main screen).

So she has started talking a lot more. She can say "Mama", "Papa", "ball", "bus", "bird", "book" (actually to an outsider they call sound like "buh", but only I know which one she means), "cracker" ("tater"), "wow", and many more. One of her favourite words to say is "cow", which she likes to randomly say, often leading to embarrassing situations (for me). Like yesterday, when we were strolling at the beach, and she pointed at this jogger and loudly said, "COW!" The jogger looked slightly offended and started running even faster before I had a chance to convince her that Xena had not called her fat.

She said her first three-syllable word this week, and it was "banana" (or rather "badada", because she has a cold).


The following pictures are of her acting all stylo:

It was Viv's bday on the 9th, and as usual, he was away in Amsterdam to have hashbrownies for an annual conference (on hashbrownies). So I did up this collage of her playing a birthday song for him.

Great mommy, huh? Well, not all the time. Last week, she fell headfirst into a hamper full of soft toys (phew!) with only her legs sticking out. I was actually tempted to take a picture of the comical sight before rescuing her. Hmmm. On the evil mommy scale of 1 to 10, I think I might be a 25.

I end this post with her newest video, where she identifies and passes to me 8 of her toys on demand. Yep, proud moment for mommy. :)

The un-Saif decision

SSSK is sittin' in a tree
S-P-Y-I-N-G.

Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten is perched on a tree outside Saif Ali Khan's house, furiously taking notes on her notepad. He is having a discussion with his wedding planner when a furious Kareena walks in.

Kareena - Saif! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti!

Saif - Huh? Kyun itna ghisa-pita dialogue bol rahi ho?

Kareena - Dialogue nahin, sach hai. I can't get married to you.

Saif - WHAT?! Why not??

Kareena - Uhhh... I think... uhhh... that you're not mature enough...

Saif - *I* am not mature enough? I am forty-frickin'-two. I have been married once. I have two kids. Hello, maturity??

Kareena - No, I mean... you are... uhhh... always making juvenile remarks.

Saif - What? That's not true! Ok, give me an example.

Kareena - Fine. Every time you see Shahid, you look up at the sky and say "Mausam kharab hai." Can you stop doing that? Bahut cheap lagta hai!

Saif - Well, I'm not the only one taking pot shots at the competitor's flops. He does it too! He said to me that we had zero onscreen chemistry in Agent Vinod and to get the chemistry in, we should remake it and call it Reagent Vinod!

Kareena (rolls her eyes) - Gawwwwd! SAIF!!! Don't you see it?? That's why I broke up with him! Can you please behave your age at least??

Saif - Ok fine, I will. But tell me the real reason why you want to call off the wedding. Aakhir kyun??

Kareena - Kyunki... Kyunki... Main Heroine hoon!

Saif - Toh? Main bhi toh hero hoon!

Kareena - No, I mean I'm playing the title role in the movie Heroine. It's going to be a big hit and I will become a bigger heroine than ever before. Everyone will want to sign me! But if I get married, that will be the end of my movie career!

Saif - What?? What nonsense theory is that?

Kareena - It's true! Hero ke baad Jackie Shroff became an even bigger hero. Hero no. 1 ke baad Govinda became an even bigger hero! Heroine ke baad I'll also become an even bigger heroine.

Saif - That's rubbish. Coolie no. 1 ke baad Govinda became an even bigger coolie kya? (guffaws at his own joke)

Kareena (irritated) - Offo! You know what I mean, Saif!

Saif - No, I don't! All preparations are done and now you want to back out? Let me call Karisma Di, she will talk sense into your head!

Kareena walks off in a huff.

Very soon, a whole bunch of actresses turn up at Kareena's house, armed with banners that say, "Kareena, tum shaadi karo, hum tumhaare saath hain!" They enter Saif's living room and wait around for Kareena.

SSSK quickly climbs down and enters the room along with the crowd. She is thrilled to find Sunny Leone in a corner of the room. She needs to verify some stuff.

SSSK - Sunny, hi! So is it true that you asked Pooja Bhatt for your male co-actors' health certificates to prove that they had no STDs before starting to shoot for Jism 2?

Sunny - Haanji.

SSSK - And then what happened?

Sunny - Well, Pooja said that things work differently in this industry, and that it would all be just acting. I wouldn't actually need to DO anything that would... ummm... warrant a certificate.

SSSK - Oh ok. And how did your co-actors react to that?

Sunny - Woh dono boley, "DAMN YOU, POOJA."

SSSK - I see, I see. I also see that your Hindi is getting better. So what brings you here?

Sunny (starts off speaking in Hindi and then gives up midway) - Main yahan aayi haigi kyunki... main cause ke towards solidarity dikhaani hai. After all, I'm like the only Bollywood heroine who made her debut AFTER she was married, yeah?

SSSK - Hmmm... I never thought of that... But then, your first film Jism 2 was a miserable flop. How will that help convince Kareena that married heroines can also have hit movies?

Sunny - Errr... uhhh... I have other offers. I am sure they will be superhits.

SSSK - Achha what other offers do you have?

Sunny - Erm, Mithunda has cast me in a movie that will launch his son Mimoh...

SSSK - Erm, didn't Mithunda like already launch him twice, once as Mimoh and once as Mahakshay?

Twinkle Khanna (suddenly appears, speaks and disappears) - Maha Akshay. Oh please. Like that would make him a bigger superstar than my Akshay...

Sunny - Maybe third time lucky haiga?

SSSK - Hmmm, maybe. So what's the movie called?

Sunny - Finding Mimoh.

SSSK is not sure if she wants to laugh or cry so she pretends to have spotted someone and excuses herself. She wanders off and bumps into someone she doesn't recognise.

SSSK - Hi, I'm SSSK. Reporter. You are...?

Poonam - Hello?! I'm Poonam Pandey!

SSSK - OHHH! Our own OCS! Sorry, I didn't recognise you in all these clothes.

Poonam - Well, even I wanted to strip to show my support for Kareena, but then I thought shaadi-byaah ka maamla hai, toh thoda family-oriented hona chahiye... But yeh OCS kya hai? Outstandingly Courageous and Sexy?

SSSK - Errr... No, actually it's Obsessive Compulsive Stripper.

Poonam storms off.

SSSK looks around. Almost all the heroines are there - Priyanka Chopra, Katrina Kaif, Vidya Balan, Deepika Padukone, Anushka Sharma, Sonakshi Sinha and Sonam Kapoor. Behind them is a fleet of married actresses - Karisma Kapoor walks in, accompanied by Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Twinkle Khanna, Sridevi, Madhuri Dixit, Lara Dutta, Raveena Tandon and Juhi Chawla.

Kareena enters and looks around in shock.

Kareena - Saif, what's this? Yeh sab kya ho raha hai?

Karisma - Bebo, I called everyone and asked them to come with me so they can convince you that your career won't be over because of marriage.

Kareena - Didi, please. Look at the married ones! They are already standing in the back row! Their careers are over!

Aishwarya - Excuse me? Heroine ki heroine ke liye I was the first choice.

Kareena (nastily) - But what happened? You got pregnant and then got fat and now... Do you know that you're now being referred to in the industry as Gol Bachchan?

Aishwarya - I'm trying, I'm trying! What can I do? I can't help it. I'm enjoying food. I mean hood. Ummm... Mother-hood to be precise.

Lara (bitchily) - Oh please, that's such a lame excuse. Look at me. (twirls to show off her figure)

Kareena - Yeah so you're married and you have a kid and you're thin again. But do you have any movies??

Lara - Ummm...

Kareena - I rest my case.

Karisma - Arre, actresses can make great comebacks after marriage.

Kareena - Didi, please. What happened to your own great comeback 'Dangerous Risk'? Lived up to its name, didn't it??

Karisma (turns red) - Ahem, you mean 'Dangerous Ishq'.

Kareena - Same difference! You would have enjoyed a longer career if you'd stayed unmarried. You know it.

Karisma (starting to get upset) - That is not true. My career was not short because of marriage. My career was short because... because I found out about eyebrow threading too late!! (bursts into tears)

Juhi - Hey, I did a lot of movies after I got married.

Kareena - But I don't wanna do bhabhi type roles!

Madhuri - Kareena, look at me. Married. Two kids. And I'm back in showbiz!

Kareena - Oh please. I don't want to be a judge on some random dance reality show.

The fleet of married heroines retreat, unable to convince Kareena. The front row steps up.

Priyanka - Kareena, it's different now. Married heroines can have hit movies. I mean, Kajol did Fanaa after she was married. It was a superhit.

Kareena - But that was an Aamir Khan movie! You can cast him opposite a pencil and it will be a hit.

Katrina - Come on now, you know that's not true. Give Kajol some credit.

Deepika - And now even almost-50 actresses are making a comeback. Look at Sridevi. Her upcoming English Vinglish looks all set to be a hit.

Kareena - Hmmm... that is true...

Sonam - Times are changing, Kareena. Talent is what matters now. Not marital status, or looks or body weight. I mean look at Sonakshi. She is a hit heroine even though she is totally F-A...

Sonakshi and Aishwarya - HEYYY!

Priyanka - Ok let's all be objective. The audience is different now. None of us is perfect and yet the audience loves us. I mean... Katrina - can't speak Hindi. Vidya - too aunty. Deepika - horrible accent. Anushka - stick-thin. Sonakshi - Fat. Sonam - Can't act. But the audience has accepted us. They LOVE you, Kareena. What makes you think they won't accept you after you're married?

The other actresses glare at Priyanka but nod hard at Kareena.

Kareena - You do have a point there...

Vidya - Also, we're all in our 30s. We all want to get married soon and yet continue working. Very soon all of us will be married. There won't be any unmarried good actress left so producers will HAVE to cast us! Isn't that right?

All actresses - YES!

Kareena - Is that true? You will all get married soon?

All actresses - YES!

Kareena (charged up) - Hmmm... You're right! High time we actresses also got the same treatment as the actors who are in their 40s and going strong. Fight's on, sistahs! And Saifu, so is the wedding. (smiles)

Saif beams, profusely thanks the crowd and walks off with Kareena.

The unmarried actresses high-five amongst themselves as they watch Saif and Kareena leave. Priyanka sums up their collective thought.

"Another one bites the dust. Iski halkat jawaani, aur uski second-hand jawani... Kareena ke career ka toh 'The end' ho gaya! Rejoice!"

The warrior princess diaries - VII

So I finally met bar bewdi Bubblegum who is now in Singapore. She told me about a journal that her mom had kept documenting her childhood and how much she enjoys reading it. Talking to her inspired me all over again to record Xena's antics with more regularity so she can grow up and read all that she did as a baby. I also realised that the last princess diaries update had been in March - five months ago! Thanks to Facebook, I do have the records which I just need to compile for the blog.

• As usual, let's get the hospital stuff out of the way first. Xena is still rejecting solids, and not gaining weight at all. She's probably at the 1st percentile and is going to slip off the charts if she doesn't start eating and gaining weight. We have been meeting her doctor and dietitian, but their plans will only work if the baby opens her mouth, isn't it? She's also started to reject milk, perhaps due to her molars which are sprouting like crazy. In fact, she's even lost a bit of weight. I keep trying out new things, and some days she eats 2 spoons and other days nothing at all. I have tried everything in the book and more. I can't even begin to describe the frustration that comes with trying all kinds of food and all kinds of strategies only to have your baby turn away her face the instance she sees any food approaching her. And yet, she puts all non-food into her mouth instantly. How she knows what is food and what is not is anyone's guess. I guess I just have to keep trying. For now, I think she's thriving purely on photosynthesis. 

• Thankfully, she's doing all right with her milestones. She started walking at the expected time and babbles a lot. She can identify quite a few things - car, bus, ball, duck, dog, iPad, penguin, lion, snake, parrot, etc. No, I don't actually have snakes and penguins walking around in my house; these are her soft toys. Earlier, she'd point and say "Tah!" for 'car'. Also for 'cat'. And 'tree'. And 'sky'. And 'fan'. Yep, they were ALL "Tah!" She can't say the full words yet, but now she says 'baw' for 'ball', 'duh' for 'duck', and 'dodo' for 'dog'.

• Viv comes home around 8 pm, and she's either sleeping or sleepy by then. However, the moment she hears the click of the main door unlocking, she immediately sits up and says, "Papa!" I am jealous. I never get that. She only uses "Mama" as a distress call. When Viv was in Papua New Guinea, she looked for him all the time and everywhere. She thought he was playing a prolonged game of hide-and-seek with her. One day, she even tried to look for him inside the fridge!

• I took her to Hokey Pokey, an indoor playground for babies and kids, and she absolutely loved it. Here's a picture of her in the ball pool.

• Viv has found a brilliant way to make her brush her teeth. He lets her brush his teeth, while he brushes hers. The first time I woke up to see that scene, I couldn't stop laughing.

• She's super duper active and I have a tough time catching up with her. This video was taken just before she started walking. Within 2 minutes, she gets her toy car into two accidents, reads a book, crawls, cruises, claps, walks, babbles, tries to snatch away mamarazzi's camera, and oh, also indicates how tall her papa is.

• She absolutely loves playing peek-a-boo with me using the curtain.

• I'm now using all sorts of funny tactics to get her to eat. Since Viv and I are following the no-TV rule very strictly, I use other distractors. Once I got her to eat breakfast by showing her the same picture of Imran Khan in a Filmfare issue over and over again, and saying, "Look Xena, a baby! Oh look, another baby! Hey, yet another baby!" My apologies to Imran Khan and his family. Then there was this time I literally bribed her into having dinner. I gave her my wallet and with each note she pulled out, she ate a spoonful. But I soon ran out of cash, and asked her if she accepted credit cards, and she didn't. :/

• Why do babies throw everything? Food, toys, everything. To give her credit, I must say that she has established that she is not TOTALLY heartless. Agreed, she is brutal and merciless with her toys, but she does say "Bye!" to their mutilated carcasses before flinging them out of her play yard.

• Xena loves to mimic anything and everything. Here she is, mimicking my mom's fake coughing.
  
  

• Xena thinks I'm a cool/hot (delete as appropriate) chick. I asked her "Where is the bird?" and she immediately pointed at me. But then she took her 'When in doubt, point at Mama' tactic too far. I didn't mind being a bird the first time, but I did draw the line at "Where is the cow?" :/

• Xena loves to turn on switches, whether it's the one to summon the lift or the one that controls a light or a fan. She will insist that I lift her up to the level of the switchboard, and she will turn the switches on and off, all the while looking at the lights and fans to see what has changed because of her actions.

• Here's a collage I made to showcase Xena's teeth - from zero to 7 (clockwise from top left).

The high flier

Here's the full account of Xena's first proper encounter with soap bubbles during her morning walk with papa and mama.

A strange(r) encounter

So last Monday, Xena and I went to the airport to receive her papa who was coming back with the team after a cricket tournament in Papua New Guinea. Viv had no idea we were going to be there, and to make the surprise more fun, I dressed Xena up in similar clothes as mine - a long-sleeved pink top and a short denim skirt. 

We reached the airport a little early so we took a walk around the very beautiful (and my favourite amongst all airports) Changi airport. After we had done a few rounds and she had waved 'buh-bye!' to all the passengers, security staff and cleaners, we went up to see the kinetic rain display. Xena was totally fascinated.


And that's when this lady came up to talk to us.


 "Hey, that's a really nice bag!" She said. "Where did you get it?" It was a traditional handwoven bag given to me by Viv's aunt. "I got it as a gift. It's from India." I said. "Where in India?" Oh wow. "Umm.. Bangalore."


Xena soon got very bored of this conversation and started waving and saying "Buh-bye!" again. The girl (let's call her S) played with Xena for a while and then asked me if I was there to drop someone (I was on the departure level for a closer look at the kinetic rain). So I told her that I was there to receive my husband who was in the Singapore team etc. etc. We started talking about cricket and she told me that she too preferred T20.


Xena was craning her neck to look at the kinetic rain, so I took my phone out to take a picture of it. S offered to take a picture of Xena and me with the kinetic rain as the backdrop. My first thought? OMG this woman is gonna make a mad dash with my phone. I had just lost my phone at the airport a week before, so my anxiety regarding my new phone at the airport was somewhat understandable. So I told myself to not be silly, and gave her the phone to take the picture.


"Hey, you guys are dressed alike!" She said. I was sure the entire team, including the twelfth man, wouldn't notice that (men!) so it was nice to have someone notice it. I warmed up a little more to her.


After she took the picture, we talked a bit more and then parted ways. Before that, she said it was really nice to talk to me (and I felt the same about her too) and asked me if I had a contact number I could give her. Once again, alarms rang in my head but I suppressed them as unnecessary cynicism. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye.


I wondered if I'd ever see her again. I wondered if I had been a fool to give my number to a total stranger. But I also wondered if this was the start to a great friendship. My overactive imagination took me years down the lane when we, two very close friends, sat over tea and laughed about how they had first met. But then I also thought that maybe we would never contact each other. But then you never know, I told myself. It's true that because of Xena's antics, I do end up talking to complete strangers a lot more than before, but no one had asked me for my number before.


The next morning, S sent me a 'Good morning' SMS, telling me that it was nice to meet me. I was busy with Xena so I replied a few hours later. I didn't hear back from her. To be fair to her, my SMS didn't exactly have room to further the conversation. I just wished her good morning and told her it was nice to meet her too.


Last night, Viv, Xena and I were having dinner at Cafe Iguana when my phone rang. It was a friend.  During our conversation, I got a second call and it was S.  I decided to call her back later and continued the conversation with my friend. I called her back a few minutes later, pretty sure that she was going to ask me if I was at Cafe Iguana because she spotted someone who looked like me. Nope. She just said that she couldn't really hear me and she would call me the next day if it was ok. I told her it was ok and asked her what it was about, and she said she wanted to check something with me.


I hung up and started thinking. What could she want to check with me? If I could get that bag for her too? Wow, maybe she really liked the bag. Oh wait, what if she was an insurance agent looking for potential clients? Shut up, Sayesha, why so cynical? Maybe she wanted to catch up over coffee or something? Maybe we would become great friends in time and I would feel really stupid for doubting her intentions. But wait, maybe we would indeed become friends and then she would eventually ask me to lend her a large sum of money? Not necessarily, Sayesha. Not everyone has a hidden agenda. Some people are just genuinely friendly. Goodness, I was going mad. On one hand I felt incredibly stupid for giving her my number and on the other hand I felt that this could be one of those things that could take away our cynicism as humans and make us trust one another a little bit more than we do.


So today, as promised, she called. My phone was in the silent mode as Xena was sleeping, so I missed her call. I called her back as soon as I saw the missed call. She said she wanted to check something with me.


"I told you I have my own business, right?" She asked.


Warning bells. Ring ring ring!


"Err... No, you didn't."


"Oh. Ok. I am trying to have my own business and I'm looking for honest, good people as partners. I had a good feeling about you the other day, so I thought I'd check if you would be interested to invest and have some extra income?"


Silence. Many bells ringing in my head.


"Not at this point, sorry." I said, as firmly and politely as I could.


Thankfully, she didn't press at all. She just thanked me and hung up.


And me? I had this huge thought bubble. With everything and nothing inside.

A thing of the past

So every time I go back to India, I steal something from my 'bachpan box'. Dad has these boxes where he has stored all the memorabilia from our childhood. The last time I was there, I got back a bound collection of Amar Chitra Katha comics, which for some strange reason, he actually allowed me to bring back. Yes, sometimes he says no. He says I can open the boxes and look at the stuff, but I can't take them away with me. I strongly believe that he still thinks of me as a pigtailed tiny tot who can't keep her books properly. I should remind him that I now have a pigtailed (well, almost) tiny tot myself.

A few weeks ago, I was looking for some light reading and found it in my bookshelf. A burst of memories flooded me, as I flipped through the yellowed pages, and examined the tattered front and back covers. Bound in newspaper from the early 80s. Check. Eyes of the 'cover girl' neatly coloured with red ink by the brat that was me. Check. Off-centre bindi. Check. Label with the world's worst handwriting on it. Check. (It is better now. I think.) 'Ghar na naam' on the label (since it was not a school book). Check. (Yes, yes, one of my nicknames is Kuku, given by my dad. Beats me why and when I overwrote 'Cuckoo' on it. Perhaps I felt that it suited me more.)

After I had finished devouring the stories from Indian mythology and history, I turned to the advertisements. I found some absolute gems from the early 80s. Enjoy! And if you have never seen these ads before, get outta my bar now, you're too young to be here! :/

OMG they actually printed the prices of their competitors' products in their ad!

Check out the poor resolution of the graphics.

Camel! My sister and I painted with Camel paints all the time! I think the brand is still around? They may not be calling their paints "bright and gay" anymore though. 

Poppins! Why did they have a strange number like 13 in each pack?

The moment I saw this ad, I thought of Nandini and how she would shake her fist at it. Actually I, too, would shake my fist, but my fist is nothing compared to hers. Click on the picture to read the text, especially the second paragraph.

Gems! M&Ms just don't do it for me.

I hate gum. Chewing gum. Bubblegum. All kinds of gum. But I do remember the craze of the NP 007 gum. 

OMG Amar Chitra Katha records!!

Catch-up #3

Ah, yet another catch-up post. But I need it to bounce back into the bar. Ooh, alliteration. :P

Mom went back to India last week. She stayed with us for a month this time. Though she's stayed longer before, this time I miss her more than I have ever missed her. The house feels empty, and Xena looks for her every day, almost making me cry. The three generations (or 3G) had a great time. This time, there was an overlap between mom's and mom-in-law's trips, and so we decided to have a short getaway in Batam, Indonesia. It was great fun, especially for Xena, who was utterly spoilt by two grandmas at once.

I lost my phone on the day my mom flew off. First time ever. To the valley of lost phones, cabville. Never again will I laugh at people who lose their phones in cabs. At first, I panicked because I thought I'd have to get a new number (hey, don't laugh at me, I'd never lost a phone before!). I was extremely upset because Viv and I got our first mobile lines together when we were not even dating, and our phone numbers are just one digit apart, something that obviously means a lot to us. Luckily, I got a new phone and replacement sim card and my number stays the same, except that I have to add back all my contacts. But that's good in a way, isn't it? Automatic phonebook housekeeping. Clean slate.

Viv and I managed to catch two movies. IN THE THEATRE! (Only those who have babies would know what a big deal this is.) Mom babysat while we watched 'The Dictator' and mom-in-law babysat while we watched 'The Amazing Spider-man'. We chose late-night shows so we'd be out while Xena was sleeping. By the way, did you notice that 'Spider-man' is a hyphenated word? I always thought it was 'Spiderman', until I studied the poster closely. Ooo. Anyway, I found 'The Dictator' hilarious (except for the very appalling mockery they made of childbirth) but I didn't like Spider-man. In the cab back, I counted the number of genres in Hollywood that I cannot watch any more - war movies, horror movies, romantic movies (Titanic and Notting Hill made me gag), animation movies (yeah ok, except for Nemo and Monsters), superhero movies, loud thrillers, teenage flicks, chick flicks, and so on. Yeah, I realise there is nothing much left for me to watch, except some comedies. It's hard to explain why I'm so forgiving of Bollywood movies, but am very reluctant to go watch a Hollywood movie in spite of favourable reviews.

I got the most brutal haircut of my life yesterday. I was trying to explain to the hairdresser that I want it really short, so short that it can't be tied, and he was having a tough time understanding me. Finally, I resorted to Singlish, "So short until cannot tie." and he understood at once. Or so I thought. Actually, I think his interpretation was "So short until cannot see." And he cut and cut and cut, so fast and so brutally, I had no time to react. Well, at least now I look like Xena, what with the same hair length and all. So if you are tired of people saying that your baby looks like your husband, you be the Mohammed and you go to the mountain and you get a haircut that makes YOU look like your baby, and then see what people say. (A lady in the playground said to me today, "Your baby looks exactly like you." I thanked her politely without letting her catch the inner muahahaha-ing.)

Viv is off to Papua New Guinea tomorrow for a cricket tournament. I'm nervous about managing Xena all by myself, and I hope she behaves. As long as she doesn't wake up at 4 am like she has been doing lately, I'll be generally fine.

Before I sign off, I have a threatening message for a blog bewdi. Anshu, I hope you don't think that Bhai does not reply to emails from bewdas and bewdis. I replied to your email the same day with itinerary suggestions for Singapore, but I have not heard back in three weeks. So I am using the bar as a platform to ask you -- Whyyy you no reply me? Bhai will now put supari on your head when you visit. :/

So that's all that has been happening. Coming up in the next post, shots of my first Amar Chitra Katha comic compilation circa 1984.

PS: Any bewdas/bewdis living in KL?

Walking the talk

Xena has started walking by herself!