In the hot seat

Hello hello! Hello ji sanam hum aa gaye... :)

We are now back after a really nice vacation in Perth. Thankfully, Xena was quite well-behaved and we did not have to join the ranks of hapless parents who get dirty looks from the rest of the passengers throughout the flight.

I will be taking a few days to blog about the holiday in detail on my travel blog Hopscotch. Do stay tuned, bewdas.

Meanwhile, here's a collage of the various expressions Xena had during her first time in a car seat!

Peeling guilty?

So today is the first day of the Chinese New Year and hence a public holiday. Viv is home and I am so glad because we have a long list of to-do items. Xena's clothes are in the wash and need to be hung to dry, her bottles need to be washed and sterilised, she needs to be fed, lunch needs to be cooked and had, packing for Perth needs to be started, the itinerary needs to be finalised, etc. etc. As I get ready to cook lunch, Viv asks me what he can do to help. I am thrilled because my Mondays are never like this. Usually it's just Xena and me, and frankly speaking, she's not that good at hanging her clothes to dry or washing and sterilising bottles or cooking lunch or packing or finalising itineraries.

It's already 11:30 am so I want to get lunch cooked quickly so we can focus on the rest. I think of how he can help me with lunch.

"Do you like to peel garlic?" I ask.

"No." is his (very prompt) answer.

Fine. That's fine. I had asked him if he liked to peel garlic. Well, he doesn't like to peel garlic. Fair enough.

"Can you peel the garlic?" I rephrase my question.

"Uh." is his (a little less prompt than before) answer.

Hmmm. Okay. Deep breath. I can handle this.

"Hmmm, ok. If you don't want to peel garlic, that's fine. You can just do something else. Why don't you feed Xena? It's time for her puree." I ask.

He jumps at the chance. He is experienced with bottle-feeding and is confident of doing this. And it means he gets to spend time with Xena and that's always fun. More fun than peeling garlic for sure. So I give him the puree, and explain what to do, including the arrangement of the spoons ("You give her one spoon so she thinks she is in control, but you feed her with the other spoon."), and explain about the back-up if she rejects the puree ("Let her gum on a piece of apple and a piece of Baby Bites.") and how to administer the Baby Bites ("Each pack has two, you eat one in front of her and give her the other one.") and the final step ("Of course, you will need to eat what she doesn't finish.")

I enter the kitchen and start peeling the garlic, singing "Aa dekhen zara..."

The following is a list of what I hear while I'm in the kitchen, every two minutes or so.

"Okay baby, try some puree. It's yummy!"

"This is your spoon, ok? Hold it."

"Uhh... she is completely rejecting the puree!!"

"Try it, baby. It's niiiiice!"

"She's not even opening her mouth!"

"Okay, let's put the puree in YOUR spoon and try."

"Oh no! She threw her spoon away!"

"Baby baby, what are you doing? No no no no no!"

"Oh my god what a mess!"

"Now she's pulling the hair on my legs! Oww!"

"Ok ok, try this apple now."

"She threw it! Now what??"

"Okay okay, papa and baby are going to have Baby Bites together!"

"Um... What do I do if she bites a big piece off the Baby Bites??"

"Ok, I am going to dip the Baby Bites in the puree and give her!"

"I dipped it in the puree and it got soggy and broke off!"

"Oh noooo...."

"BABY!!! What are you doing????"

"What is she doing????"

"Why is she doing this???"

"Oh noooo it's ALL OVER THE PLACE!"

"She can't climb out of the bumbo seat by herself yet, right? I need to go get a washcloth!"

Soon enough, I hear cries of help. Not so much from Xena as from her papa. I come out of the kitchen and assess the situation. She has obviously given him a tough time -- she has not eaten anything at all, has puree all over herself, has thrown away whatever she could get her hands on, and finally and most importantly, thrown up on him. He looks helpless and distressed.

"So... how was your first experience feeding her puree?" I ask.

"Uh."

Moral of the story: when your wife asks you to peel garlic... you'd better man up and peel garlic.

Catch-up #1

So here I am, playing catch-up with the bar again.

I suddenly realised three very strange things: (1) I did not write an 'Annual report' post for 2011, like I have been doing in the last few years; (2) I did not make any resolutions for 2012; and the most horrifying one (3) I wrote only 64 posts last year, wayyyyy wayyyyy below what I did in earlier years. Sheesh. Well, all of these can somewhat be attributed to all the happenings last year. The first half of my year was spent running to and fro between home and hospital, and the other half was, um, spent running to and fro between home and hospital. Oh well. I would say that it was an interesting year in general, strengthening and humbling at the same time.

2012 feels strangely different. Maybe I find it strange that I am home all the time. Or maybe the fact that I am home all the time and not minding it so much is stranger. From leading a team of 35, to reporting 24-7 to a baby is a huge change. There is definitely a sense of loss of power from being a career woman to a stay-at-home mom, but there's a different kind of empowerment. I remember my sister saying that she never once regretted quitting her job when Aishu was born, and now I know what she meant.

It feels strange to be sitting in this room, on this computer and typing this. Usually I'm on the iPad because then I can be right next to Xena. But today, I wanted to take some time off and spend it at the bar, letting my thoughts out on the iMac (yes, we're an Apple family) which actually allows me to type long sentences and paragraphs. (I can hear Viv and Xena 'conversing' in the next room -- it's hilarious.) But I figured I need to make some time for the bar every now and then, even if it's just a random catch-up post like this. Not because I want to up the number of posts, but because I really really like to blog. And as I always tell myself -- if you really really want to do something, you will really really find time for it.

In other news, two very important men in my life have majorly let me down. Relax, Dad and Viv, it's not you guys. It's my beloved Shah Rukh and my beloved Imtiaz Ali. I watched Ra.One and Rockstar on Mio TV. (That's one great thing about Mio TV. New movies come on it so fast I don't even miss going to the theatre.) And may I just say Oh.Em.Gee. Seriously, SRK, what were you thinking? I don't think I have watched a movie as bad as Ra.One in ages. And though Rockstar was a huge hit and critically acclaimed and all that blah blah, I found it terrible. I just didn't get it. In the immortal words of the Black Eyed Peas -- where is the love? When I watch a love story, I need to feel the love. I need to want the lovers to get together. In Rockstar, I couldn't be bothered. Just like Love Aaj Kal, I felt nothing for the protagonists. Maybe it was because the leading lady in both movies were so bad. I have always found Deepika Padukone the worst actress today (Sonam Kapoor is a close second), but when I saw Nargis Fakhri aka Donald Duck in Rockstar, I couldn't believe I could find an actress worse than Deepika. And with that, Raju Hirani topples Imtiaz Ali to take the top spot in my favourite directors' list. Maybe Imtiaz Ali thought he would make real actresses out of Deepika and Nargis the way he did with Kareena (you know he did), but dude, catalyst kitna bhi solid kyun na ho, reACTants barobar na ho toh ghanta reaction hoga?

All right, enough about Bollywood. Because once I start, I can't stop. Oh, just one more thing. I'm totally not looking forward to catching Don2 on TV. On second thoughts, I may just watch it to get some material for an SSSK post. And oh, I am totally obsessed with the songs from the movie Love Break-ups Zindagi. And oh oh oh, I was totally surprised to find out recently that John Abraham has an MBA! (I told you once I start, I can't stop.)

Ok ok, digress digress. Viv and I are planning a trip to Perth this month. Though Melbourne and Sydney were higher up in our holiday list, we want to take a short flight first and see how Xena does before we venture further. Our 5th anniversary is coming up, and we thought we should take a family holiday driving around Perth. (We have already delegated tasks. Xena will drink and Viv will drive. I will supervise.) This is going to be Xena's first overseas trip, and I am super kicked and super nervous. Bewdas who live in Perth or have been there, your suggestions on what we should see/do are most welcome!

Chinese New Year is coming up, and it will be a long weekend! We're planning to have a pot-luck lunch at our place with friends, followed by dumb charades using names of B (and possibly C, D and E) grade Hindi movies. Sample these -- Haseena Haathi Wali and Mita De Bindiya Utha Le Bandook. (I swear I am not making these up. These are actual movie names.)

So that's what I have been upto. Bewdas, how have you been? :)

Two of a kind

Fans of Archie comics would remember that Jughead has an 'identical cousin'. When I first read that story, my reaction was "What? Identical cousins?? That's pushing it a bit too much."

Until recently, when Viv and I noticed that Xena has started displaying more and more characteristics of baby Aish, my sister's daughter.

I found a photo of Aish when she was as old as Xena is now, and put them together to compare. The whole family is going a little berserk at the striking similarities.

Music to my ears

I noticed Xena trying to play a very strange set of musical instruments, but she was having a little difficulty managing them. With a little help from mommy, she put together an interesting melody. Check it out.

Does this count?

Baby's first Christmas!

Just for laughs

If you liked this, you may like the below. :)

The warrior princess diaries - V

Okie dok, long time no Xena update. (Thanks, Arun, for the reminder!)

Well, this is not so much an update as a compilation of my FB status updates (that's all the time the girl gives me, and hence the much ignored bar). So those on my FB list may find this repetitive but I figured I should compile everything in one place so that when Xena grows up, she can read it and then sue me for violation of baby privacy.

• Xena recently attended her first Christmas party -- with 23 babies no less! It was quite a sight (and complete chaos) as all the mommies put all the babies on a mat on the floor for a photograph. Xena was fine and smiling until the cute Chinese baby boy next to her started hitting (on) her!

• I have been feeling a lot better lately as more and more people have been commenting that she looks like me. Finally! Phew! A few months ago, everyone (and by that, EVERYONE) said that she's all Viv with no trace of me at all. No wait, some people said that she even looked like Viv's sister, Viv's father, and what not. And oh, who was that person who very annoyingly said that she even looks like Viv's grandmother but nothing like me?? Yeah, that was my mom. :/

• Last month, Xena had her first solid food -- 1/1000th of a banana, and gave me a hurt "And you had kept this from me all these months??" look. But that was just the first time. Now she can't stand bananas. Or avocado. Or butternut squash. Or sweet potato. Or rice cereal. I am lucky if she eats 1 teaspoon of anything without starting her protest rally. Remember when you were a picky eater as a child and your mom used to say, "Dekhna, jab tumhaare bache honge..."? Yeah, that bad-dua actually works...

• Ok, here's some advice for new moms. Before you pat yourself on the back for managing to get a big spoonful of apple purée into your baby's mouth, move your face away. Remember... babies can, will and have the right to sneeze before swallowing. It's their way of saying 'In your face!' Literally. Lil Xena is already into vandalism. She has been spray-painting mommy all over with purée at every opportunity she can get. I am seriously considering borrowing Viv's cricket helmet.

• It's December, which means that finally sunny Singapore gets some good rain -- every day! Two days ago, Xena and I had a lovely mommy-baby bonding moment observing the rain pelting down on the window pane. She lost interest after a while though. I suspect it was because I started explaining to her how thunder and lightning work. Sheesh. Side effects of being a primary science book editor...

• Then there was this time she was sitting on the bed (she has been sitting up without support now, and she can manage that for a few minutes) and she toppled over, and the first thing this nerd mommy said as she picked up her baby was, "Centre of mass, baby, centre of mass!"

• Weather permitting, I take Xena for a walk every day. Last week, I met the world's most polite toddler during our walk. She actually asked, "Excuse me, can I see your baby, please?" and after looking at Xena, said "Thank you." and left. A friend of mine said that I should have bagged and tagged that very rare species.

• Xena keeps me busy and these walks are the only form of exercise I am getting. Wait, that's not true. The rest of me may be gym-deprived but thanks to the ridiculous faces and sounds I make all day long for Xena's entertainment, my facial muscles are in top form!

• Xena was busy playing with her toys and I managed to intervene just in time to prevent a Tyson-Holyfield moment. Let's just say Xena's stuffed purple elephant is sure glad that she doesn't have any teeth yet.

• I am not very sure if she is teething yet, but her finger-chomping is full on. First she chomped on her own fingers. Then she chomped on my fingers. Then she made me chomp on her fingers. At one point, I considered chomping on my own fingers just to complete the circle. I finally put mittens on her hands to stop all the slurpy chomping and it was hilarious -- she looked like she was just about to take something out of the oven!

• A friend of Viv's once said about babies, "It's like they download new features overnight!" Truer words were never spoken. Xena woke up one morning with the raspberry function downloaded, and now a lot of her actions are accompanied by that hilarious sound.

• Speaking of new features, Xena and I had a disagreement over her bedtime and she insisted she was right. And the very next moment, she had her foot in her mouth. Muahahaha. Ok, I meant literally. Some of my Chinese and Malay friends remarked that when a baby starts chomping on his or her feet, he or she is putting in a request for a sibling. HOLY COW. Thankyouverymuch.

• Viv ran the StanChart marathon this year too, and Xena and I tracked his route using the 'Find My Friends' app on the iPad. Well, I did the tracking and pointing "Look, papa is here!" and "Oh look, papa is now here!" while she just looked bored.

• Were you affected by the Kolaveri phenomenon? I was! And very much so. And Xena had to suffer the consequences. (No, I didn't play it for her all the time. I did something worse. I SANG it to her all the time.)

• I was once interrupted in the middle of singing a lullaby by Xena's own singing. Yep, her majesty prefers to sing her own lullabies, thankyouverymuch.

• Ok, before you call child services, let me tell you that I don't always sing for her. Sometimes I play songs online for her too, especially during her massage. Once I played Kailasa, but I got THE look. I knew it. I shouldn't have started off with Sheila ki jawani.

• Viv is great with her. He is in charge of her massage and bath before he leaves for work, and he bottlefeeds her after coming back from work. He sings to her and she sings back! (Hmmph!) The only thing he's not very good at is fashion designing for babies. There was this time when she spit up a bit of milk and he changed only her top. I swear she looked like Govinda in her yellow top and pink pants!

• She doesn't have much hair yet, but I bought this hairband for her online, which comes with two nylon pigtails attached. It was such a riot when I put it on her. She suddenly looked a lot older! (Yes, yes, calm down, there is a picture below).

• She doesn't sleep much in the daytime but calls it at a day quite early at about 6:30 pm. If I want to watch something on TV in the afternoon, she gears up to watch it too. But Viv and I have a strict no-TV policy with her, so I put a tissue box in front of her and tell her that's her TV and she watches that without complaining.

• Because of her short daytime naps, I can't get much done during the day. I have to split tasks such as cooking and washing and sterilising her bottles into short chunks. However, on one memorable afternoon, she took a record 3-hour nap. I suspect she was watching a full Hindi movie in her dream. Without fast-forwarding the songs. Aakhir beti kiski hai...

• Oh the luxurious life of a baby. Once Xena woke up in the middle of the night, distressed because her sleeves were too long and she couldn't see her fingers. I rolled back her sleeves, she examined (and probably counted) all her fingers and promptly went back to sleep.

• She is generally a happy baby, but what I like the most is that she reserves her best toothless watermelon smile just for mommy. (What is a watermelon smile, you ask? Well, it's a smile that looks like a watermelon slice -- when the upper lip is a horizontal line and the lower lip is a semicircle.)

Can't put a name to her?

It's a scene of total chaos at the Bachchans'. The Bachchan clan is in the living room, everyone talking at once. There is a punditji sitting on a mat on the floor. Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten is sitting on a branch on the tree in the garden, hurriedly taking notes.

Amitabh - Ok everybody, I have called this urgent meeting because it has become a matter of embarrassment that we don't have a name for the baby yet! So let's get cracking and decide on the name today itself.

Abhishek (beams proudly) - Pa, I have already asked everyone on Twitter to suggest names. What an idea, sirjee, huh? Bas ek do din ki baat hai, achha sa naam rakh denge.

Amitabh - Twitter?? You asked tweeple to name your baby? Cheh! This is a private affair. Hamaare ghar ki baat hai!

Abhishek (mutters under his breath) - Says the person who tweets if he pees.

A servant comes, holding the phone.

Servant (to Aishwarya) - Madamji, aapke liye hospital se phone aaya hai...

Aishwarya - Hospital se phone? What do they want now? Bol do unko... hum bill pay chuke sanam!

Amitabh (to servant) - Aur kisi ka phone uthaane ki zaroorat nahin. Not until this discussion is over. Punditji, aap hi kuchh achha sa naam bataayein?

Punditji - Yajmaan, main sochta hoon ki naam toh bache ke maa-baap ko hi rakhna chahiye. Kyun Abhishek, tumhaari kya rai hai?

Abhishek - Meri toh Aishwarya Rai hai! Heh heh!

Amitabh gives him a dirty look.

Punditji - Meri taraf se taiyaari ho chuki hai. Namkaran ka shubh muhurt bhi nikal aaya hai. Bas naam aur naamkaran kahan karna hai yeh bata deejiye, main pahunch jaunga.

Amitabh - Kahan karna hai matlab?? Duh! Twitter par, aur kahan?? Oh I see! Abhishek, zara punditji ka account khulwa dena twitter par...

Punditji (looks lost) - Jee? Twitter? Yeh kaun sa mandir hai? Yajmaan, naamkaran toh mandir mein kiya jata hai...

Amitabh - Twitter mandir hi hai, punditji. Wahan par ek karod se zyada log mujhe worship karte hain... (gives a condescending look to Abhishek)

Abhishek (looks grumpy) - Pa, aap Twitter par bahut zyada regular hain is liye itne followers hain... Mujhe toh time hi nahin milta...

Amitabh - Haan haan kyun nahin, dozens of movies ke offers jo aa rahe hain!

Abhishek - Pa, jab mera career khatam ho jaayega aur main retired ho jaunga toh main bhi...

Amitabh - Toh what are you waiting for??

Jaya - Stop it, you too! Let's focus on the issue at hand! Abhishek, do you have any suggestions?

Aishwarya - I have one...

Jaya - I did not ask you. You stay out of this, my dear. Abhishek, do you have any suggestions?

Abhishek - I have one, I have one! Abhineta. The name starts with Abhi and it means 'actor'. And if acting doesn't work out, she can join politics and be a 'neta'! Heh heh!

Amitabh (shakes his head) - Sheesh. Sometimes it's hard to believe you're my son... Aishwarya, what did you see in him?

Aishwarya - Actually...

Amitabh - There is no need to answer that.

Abhishek - Ok, let's look at the suggestions given by some of the tweeple. Shaayad kuchh achha sa naam nikal aaye?

Amitabh - Ok fine.

Abhishek - Ok this one is from Malaika Arora. She says we should take 'Ash' from 'Aishwarya' and 'Shek' from Abhishek. Not a bad idea, huh?

Jaya - ASS SHAKE?!

Abhishek - Ahem. Ok rejected. I should have known, it's Malaika after all... Ass shake... uska toh kaam hi wohi hai...

Amitabh - SRK ne koi suggestion diya hai?

Abhishek - Haan, lekin we won't take that.

Amitabh - Why not?!

Abhishek (looks around shiftily)- Because his Ra.One did better than our Raavan. Hmmph!

Amitabh - Ok, that's a good point. And what did Karan say?

Abhishek - Karan didn't suggest a name but he has asked for dates.

Jaya - Dates? Whose?

Abhishek - Baby's. He wants to have her on his show as soon as she can speak.

Aishwarya - Koffee with Karan? You want our baby to have coffee with Karan??

Abhishek - Of course not! Arre, it's a special episode. It will be called Toffee with Karan.

Amitabh - Haan woh sab baad mein. Woh Navratan lal tel waalon ka bhi phone aaya tha. I told them baby will do the endorsement as soon as she grows some hair.

Abhishek - Oh look, Sushmita also sent a message.

Aishwarya (surprised)- Oh, she did?? What does she say??

Abhishek - She says she has reserved a place for baby in her beauty pageant training academy.

Aishwarya - Oh that's nice of her.

Abhishek - Wait, there's a PS in small font.

Aishwarya - What does it say??

Abhishek - PS: I beat you in the Miss India contest in '94, ha!

Aishwarya storms off and reaches the garden.

SSSK climbs down from the tree to get a byte.

SSSK - Aishwarya! Aishwarya!

Aishwarya - Huh?! Who are you??

SSSK - I am a reporter. Could I please just ask you one question?

Aishwarya - Finally! Please go ahead.

SSSK - So I read that you gave birth without opting for any painkillers? Why? I mean... why why why?

Aishwarya - Hmmm... I am going to answer that question not because I want to, but because in this house someone has finally asked for MY input.

SSSK - Erm... Sure...

Aishwarya - Well, I have dated Salman Khan and now I am a Bachchan bahu. What's a little physical pain compared to that, eh?

Aishwarya winks and goes back into the house, leaving SSSK gaping.

The discussion is still going strong. It's also not going anywhere.

Amitabh - We need a really really good name. Something that stands out. Something that is royal and majestic and announces the arrival of the greatest actress of all time.

Abhishek & Aishwarya - Actress??

Amitabh - Of course. She will be a very talented actress.

Abhishek - Actress toh theek hai, Pa, but how can you be so sure ki talented actress banegi?

Amitabh (exchanges a look with Jaya, leans forward and looks straight at Abhishek and Aishwarya) - Yes, I am sure. You see... talent skips a generation.