Annual report - 2018

2018 - what a year! Here are some key highlights.

- Since Xena started primary school in 2018, all three of us had to be up really early in the morning. 6 am to be precise. (Ouch. I know.) Luckily, the khadoos mommy that I am, had made it a rule that in 2017, we would wake up at 6:30 in preparation for 2018, and honestly, it made waking up at 6 am a lot easier for all of us. I wake up a little earlier, in fact, to cook and pack the two snack boxes for Xena's school, and I've found great pleasure in making all sorts of things for her snackbox -- broccoli patties, atta pancakes, pizza-dosa, wholemeal sandwiches, etc. etc. I baked a whole lot in 2018, with a keen focus on wholemeal stuff. After many unsuccessful attempts, I finally found a wholemeal bread recipe that works for me, and now it's a staple in our home.

- The biggest personal highlight for me in 2018 has to be my inline skating lessons. It literally felt like a rebirth (and still does, with the exception of my old knee injury that keeps coming back). Under the tutelage of my amazing instructors, I am now somewhere between levels 4 and 5. If my knee allows, I hope to pass level 5 and get the coveted black certificate, which not a lot of skaters manage to get. Lately, my instructors have started teaching me more complex slalom moves. Here's one of my favourites.

You're supposed to do it with cones placed on the ground, but I didn't have any so I, um, imagined them.

Our instructors organised an 8.4-km long urban skate-a-thon. Can you spot Xena behind me? The photo was taken by Viv who decided to run alongside us, doubling as the official photographer of the event. 

- 2018 was also the year when Viv broke into the kitchen. Like, seriously. Because of my skating classes on Saturday and Sunday mornings, he decided to take on the task of making breakfast on weekends so Xena and I could focus on getting ourselves and our skating gear (that weighs approximately 897893246793264 kg) ready. It has been both an amusing and touching experience to see him attempt to make new things. We always had very clear roles when it came to food, and they had nothing to do with gender -- I like to cook and he likes to eat. Simple. So to have this system reversed was kind of funny, but a welcome change nevertheless. He's now pretty good at making omelettes, poha and uttapams, and I'm looking forward to newer items in 2019.

- 2018 marked our 20th year in Singapore! I still have very clear memories of landing on this sunny island in July 1998 as a clueless teenager. To mark the occasion, I organised a 'back to school' event for our university friends. We had all landed in Singapore at the same time to pursue the somewhat-loved but much-loathed engineering course. So we spent the whole morning walking all around Nanyang Technological University, telling the not-so-interested kids, how cool we (and the other uncles and aunties) were two decades ago. We even posed against the same backdrops that featured in our old photos. It was fun. For us, at least.

-  We did a fair bit of travelling this year. Early in the year, I travelled to India for my cousin's wedding (my first flight without Xena!). It was weird and nice at the same time. I more than made up for leaving her behind by taking her on a reward/incentive cruise that one of my publishers sent me on -- and they offered to pay for her ticket too! This time, we left Viv behind. Poor guy was absolutely miserable by himself. We need to do a cruise together at some point. In June, we went to Gold Coast, which is now my favourite Aussie holiday destination. In December, we did our big family reunion, which has become a tradition over the last few years. Us, parents, in-laws, all in one place. The first year, we did Mauritius, last year it was Sri Lanka and this year we decided to check Kerala off our bucket list. I'll be writing about it soon on my travel blog.

So that was my 2018. How was yours? 

A new start

And a brand new year begins!

So I have this (silly?) belief that whatever you do on New Year's Day is representative of what you will do for the rest of the year. For the last many, many years, I have made it a point to make sure that on New Year's Day, I do a bit of everything that I intend to do all year. Today was no different. Heck, I even went to the gym for just 20 minutes in spite of a very bad knee (that's been giving me hell at my skating lessons).

And of course, I couldn't let this day end without blogging!

I will blog later about the highlights of 2018, as well as share some strange family resolutions I have planned to implement for 2019 (one called the 5% rule and another called the black box rule). For now, I just want to wish all bewdas a very happy new year! Sending you all the positive vibes I can, especially those related to good health and happiness.

See you soon!
Sayesha 

Watch out

So the strap of my smart watch broke and I'm really suffering because no matter what, I always track my 10K steps a day and religiously make up for any missed steps over subsequent days. It's an Actxa watch and I can't find a replacement strap anywhere. Viv thinks I should get an Apple watch but I don't want the fancy-schmancy features -- a step counter + heartbeat monitor will do just fine.

Today Xena decided to contribute to the discussion too.

Xena - Mama, I think you really need a new smart watch.

Me - I know...

Xena - I can buy you one for Christmas!

Me - You can?

Xena - Yes!

Me - How?

Xena - With my tooth fairy money!

Me - Ooh! How much do you have?

Xena - 8 dollars!

Me - Oh, so you will buy me a smart watch for 8 dollars?

Xena - Or less.

Me - Or less?!

Xena - Yeah.

Me - Errr... I don't think 8 dollars are enough to buy a smart watch.

Xena - Hmm... Maybe you can use some money from your piggy bank?
(I have a piggy bank into which I pop stray coins as and when I find them. No one, including me, knows how much money is in there.)

Me - Ooh. How much money do you think is in there?

Xena - 40 dollars.

Me - 40 dollars? Are you sure?

Xena - No. 41, I think.

Me - Oh.

Xena - Or I can make a strap for you!

Me - How?

Xena - With paper!

Me - Oh!

Xena - But you can't let it get wet, ok? Otherwise it will break.

Me - Uh...

Xena - Or we can just take your old watch and tape it to your wrist! I think that will be the best!!

Me - Okay!

Puppy love

I am at the playground with Xena and her friends. All of them are about her age. One of them, Archie*, just can't hold his excitement back. "Xena! Aiden* has been writing love letters to you!" He exclaims. She continues swinging on the monkey bars.

Seeing absolutely no reaction on her face, he turns to me, "You know, Aiden is in love with her." Not knowing what to do/say, I smile and nod. Not satisfied with my reaction either, he turns to Aiden, "Tell her! Tell her today!" Aiden is obviously not ready to tell her yet, so he doesn't say anything.

Archie looks very disappointed with the world, full of such unreactive people. He turns to me again.

"You know, Kyle* also loves her?" He gives it one more shot.

"Oh, really?' I finally say.

"YES." He leans back on the slide, finally feeling validated.

It's getting dark and I tell Xena that it's time to go home. "Bye," she says to everyone.

Aiden starts walking with us. "Xena, I have to tell you something. I am in love with you."

Yep, he declares it right there, right in front of me. I approve of this boy.

Xena nods wisely. The boy doesn't ask or wait for a reply. You can tell he expects nothing. I approve of this boy more. We bid goodbye and part ways.

All this is new to me. I am not sure I am equipped to handle this. I feel old. I can't remember how my head worked when I was 7. Should I ignore this as child's play? Should I talk about it? I decide to be Captain Obvious and simply repeat what we already know.

"So Xena, Aiden is in love with you. And Kyle too, according to Archie." I say casually as we walk home.

"No Mama, Aiden is in love with me. Kyle loves me. So it's okay."

"Oh okay. Are you in love with either of them?"

"No."

"Are you in love with anyone?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"You and Daddy."

"Oh. All right, then."

*names changed to protect the identities of the kids, one of whom Xena might bring home to introduce to us one day, who knows

Leading Bhai example

They say that couples that are together for too long start to behave like each other. Sometimes, the effects last even after they split.

Today, I saw the proof.

Why does this... 👇🏽


...remind me of this? 👇🏽


Bhai-Kat this song, I say!

Thinking out of in the box

Because eating at the dining table is too mainstream...

Rolling with it

As promised, here's part II of my earlier post.

Over the last few months of skating, I have encountered a lot of interesting people. This post is about them.

The bus folks
So Xena and I take a bus to the beach where our skating rink is. Ideally, we should be skating from home all the way to class but we are not yet comfortable with the idea of that, given that there are several roads, slopes and an underpass we need to cross. So we take the bus, lugging our skates, safety gear and helmets along. I have a skating rucksack which holds my gear and helmet and has two slings on the outside for the skates to hang from. The whole thing is about 7 kg in weight, and then there's Xena's bag with her skates and gear, bringing the total weight I carry on my back to about 10 kg. Ow ow ow. (Xena carries a small bag with our water bottles and a snack box.) We get a lot of fascinated stares from people as we get in, carrying all that. Most think I am a soccer mom taking my kid to a class before they spot the giant skates and do a double-take. And because I'm mostly dressed in tropical Singapore's national attire (shorts, a T-shirt and flip-flops), I do not look like a skater at all. It's very amusing to see the looks on their faces as they try to figure out what's going on.

The magician teacher
When I was in levels 1 and 2, the instructor who taught me was so fantastic, I can easily call him one of the best teachers I've ever encountered. You know how the difference between loving something and hating something can just be that one teacher? Yeah, he's that guy. Extremely patient, totally goofy, and with the eye of a hawk, he can point out little technicalities that make a hell of a difference -- bend your left knee a little, speed up a bit more before you do the move, lean to the right, keep your feet parallel, etc.  I think of him as a magician. Here I'd be, struggling with something, and next thing I thing I know, one quick glance and 4-5 words of wisdom from him and I'd have mastered the move. 

The badass-hardass teacher
My current teacher, who is like a stunt artist on skates, is a toughie. Even though he's probably the youngest of them all (he's still studying), he's the most no-nonsense. Maybe that's why he prefers teaching the higher levels; he simply can't deal with the nonsensical chatter that accompany 3-4-year-olds. Almost all the students (including me) are a little scared of him so when I moved to level 3 and was assigned to him, I was terrified. But I got over it after about two lessons. Somehow a mutual trust had been established. And now I can totally appreciate his teaching style too. It works well for me. He doesn't praise; a 'not bad' or a thumbs-up is all he will flash your way to tell you you're not a complete disappointment. But he's a total rockstar.

The dadsplainer
Some of the kids' dads stand around the rink to watch the lessons. While most are content just watching or proudly taking photos and videos, some will start shouting out instructions to the kids. It really infuriates me when these folks try to dadsplain over the instructor's teaching. Some have the audacity to literally walk into the rink in the middle of the lesson to deliver their lecture! Some leave their kids in tears. (Come to think of it, I've not encountered any momsplainers though. Hmmm.) I can see that sometimes a third person's perspective can help see where you're going wrong but that perspective doesn't need to come in right in the middle of the lesson.

The hubsplainer
Not that there are a lot of adult female students in the rink, but once in a while you do encounter one who's trying her best to learn but simply cannot because the hubsplainer thinks that he's such a good virtual skater that he knows better than the instructors. Someone ask these guys to join the lessons themselves. I think hubsplainers are the main reason why we don't see many mommy skaters. If Viv ever hubsplained to me in the middle of my lesson, I think I'd bop him on the head with my helmet.

The curious mommies
I cannot tell you how many times I have been approached by mommies of my little classmates asking about my experience with the lessons. Most of them seem very keen to join the classes but sadly, it never happens. Some cite age, some kids, some a hectic schedule, some fear. I want to bop them (lightly) on the head too and say, "You want to do it, right? JUST DO IT!"

The 'which state in India are you from?' ladies
Okay, so if there is any group that I want to bop on the head more than anyone else, it HAS to be these Indian ladies. I have always found it irritating when people you've literally just met want to know which state you're from. (Surprisingly, not a single man has ever asked me that; it's always the ladies) I feel like it's an attempt to bracket you in some kinda category before they get to know you. For me, the state is insignificant and maybe more like a 4th date kind of a revelation, if at all. And it has to come up organically, if at all. My face, name and accent probably don't betray any particular state and I guess it drives them mad. But how does it matter which state I am from?? It's infuriating when someone approaches to ask me how I got started on skating and as I'm talking, I can see the gears inside their head turning, not absorbing a bit of what I am saying, but just wondering if I'm from the North or the South or the East or the West or the Centre. And as soon as I'm done talking, they smile and ask, "Which state in India are you from?" Most of the time I immediately drop my friendly demeanour and say, "I'm from Singapore. I came here as a teenager and it's been 20 years now. So yeah, I'm from here." And then they will say, "No, but BEFORE you came here, which state were you from?" Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! And that's when I skate far, faaaaar away from them.

The fast kid
So there is a 7-year-old boy in my class who is the fastest kid I have ever seen on skates. He's also in level 3, so a lot of times we have our lessons together. Sometimes, towards the end of the lesson, the instructors conduct fun games for the kids to improve their speed and reaction time, like catch or ice and water (if you get caught by an instructor, you freeze till another kid comes along to thaw you) or polar bear (a hilarious game that tests the skill of falling safely; as soon as an instructor approaches, you fall and get into a crouching position with face, hands and legs tucked in; you basically turn yourself into a polar bear camouflaged in the snow so you can't be caught). Sometimes, by virtue of being an adult, I'm made part of the catching team. Initially I was quite slow but I started getting better and ONE DAY I CAUGHT THE FAST KID OMG. I was so pleased with myself. That was the highlight of my day. Can I put it on my skating resume, pretty please?

The blessing uncle
Okay, this is really cute. One of my little classmates' grandpa had come to watch the lessons. During the break, he came over to me, put his hand on my helmeted head and said, "I want to bless you for what you are doing and how well you are doing it for your age. I know many ladies would like to do this and you're setting a good example. I'm really happy that you are doing this." I was a little amused at the "for your age" bit, but I know he meant well.

The people who mistake me for an instructor
As we learn right next to the beach, we get a big audience — joggers, cyclists, dog-walkers, couples on dates, families on beach outings, etc. Many people are curious and fascinated about the lessons and want to find out more. Sometimes, they mistake me for an instructor and start asking me about the class schedule or fees. Normally I tell them that I'm just a student (getting very amused looks) and point them to an actual instructor, but there was this one time everyone was busy and I was taking a water break when this couple approached me to ask about fees and stuff. So I just skated over to get a flyer and gave them all the details and answered all their questions! Muahaha!

Roller-skating uncle
Saved the best for last. Whenever I feel too old in class, I look at this 70-something uncle who glides into the rink on his old-styled roller skates, puts on Chinese classical music, wows everyone with a dance routine and glides back out. What an inspiration!

Wheels in motion

So Xena started inline skating lessons a few months ago.

But this post is not about Xena's skating.

It's about mine.

Xena's skating lessons happen during the weekends next to the beach, and initially I'd arm myself with a book, or take photos and videos of her, or chit-chat with other parents to pass the time while she was in class. Viv would be away at cricket most weekends anyway.

Then one day, as I sat there, my eyes alternating between Xena in class and a (terrible) book I was reading, I asked myself, "Why am I here when I could be there?"

I knew that the minimum age for learning was 3. But was there a maximum age? The lessons looked like they were obviously catered to very young kids, with plenty of fun and games all around. In fact, the instructors do not even go by their real names, but nicknames that feature various food items! You can only imagine how much more fun and approachable a teacher would be if they asked you to call them Watermelon instead of Walter. Some of the instructors, by the way, are about half my age so it was with a beating heart that I asked if I could try it out. They were very welcoming and told me that they taught all ages.

So I went for a trial to check it out. And as soon as I got the skates and safety gear on and started skating, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be. Even though I was nervous and wobbly, I was high in the clouds. That feeling was incredible and something I still find hard to describe. Maybe it was the first time since Xena was born that I was doing something that was for myself and myself only. Maybe because at that moment, I was no longer Xena's mom. I was nobody's nothing. I was just a person trying to learn something new and fantastic.

Once you learn the basics (rolling, falling safely, etc.), there are five levels you need to pass. There are several skills/stunts in each level, and as you progress, the skills/stunts get harder and harder. However, the process is extremely rewarding. One weekend, you're staring in total awe as your instructor demonstrates something really cool, telling yourself, "Oh goodness, I'm NEVER gonna be able to do THAT!" and the next weekend you're casually doing the exact stunt while chit-chatting with your 4-year-old classmate. It's the perfect combination of awesome teachers and a very sincere student who just really wants to learn. We've all heard the phrase 'practice makes perfect' but this is the first time that I am literally seeing it work. Skills that I struggle with initially become better with practice. The difference is visible, it's measurable. Of course, it's only been a few months, and there is still lots to learn, but I am so excited that it shows. I wait for weekends, I have dreams of skating, I go through techniques in my mind whenever I can. It's like falling in love — I'm constantly thinking about it. And I get depressed on Sundays (not about Monday; I love my work) because the next skating lesson is soooo, soooooo far away.

The classes are split not by age, but by skill level. It's mostly kids, of course, and a few stray adults who turn up once in a while. It was a little strange initially when I was in level 1 and the only adult in the class. Some of the kids would turn and give strange looks to "someone's mommy who has suddenly put on skates and gear and joined the class" while others would earnestly ask if I was one of the instructors. But now, we're all friends and even the littlest ones address this 'classmate' of theirs by her first name.

Except for this one little girl who doesn't. She's not 100% comfortable with me being in the same class, and things took a turn for the worse when both of us passed level 1 on the same day.

That little girl is my kid, Xena.

"But Mama, you joined a month after I did! How could you pass level 1 on the same day as me???"

Oh boy, and here I thought I was competitive.

So I tried to explain to her that as a kid I used to roller-skate (kinda true; I did discover an abandoned pair of roller skates — the old-styled self-balancing kind — during a summer vacation at my grandparents' and that summer they became my primary mode of transport, but only from room to room and sometimes up and down the stairs), that some people already have a good sense of balance that helps (kinda true too), and that some skills are easier for adults to grasp (omg not true at all when it comes to skating), but the most important bit was that she shouldn't compete with me, or anyone else for that matter. She's coming to terms with it, but I have to keep reiterating that her only competition should be herself.

"Don't look at others. You can be inspired by them, but don't compete with them. Think of what you were last weekend. Are you better than that today? If not, work on it." I tell her. She nods. Hopefully she will take my advice. Because this advice will help her loads in adulthood.

In a way, I think this whole skating thing has been a life-altering thing for her as well. It teaches her perseverance, resilience and helps her deal with failure (some skills are really hard and can take weeks and weeks to master and you will fall, and fall, and fall again). It helps her see that age is just a number, as there are kids tinier than her who are at higher levels. And very importantly, it helps her see me as a completely separate individual and not just her mommy.

One of the other significant things that has happened is that I am learning new things about my own body. I have never been very coordinated (ask me to sing but never to dance!) or flexible, and I have a bad knee from a fracture (which actually happened 20 years ago but it was so bad that it still hurts sometimes when I skate or walk uphill on the treadmill). So all these years, I have always slightly favoured the bad knee. However, the thing with skating is that you can only pass a skill if you can demonstrate it using both legs. There are literally checkboxes marked 'left' and 'right' that the instructors will tick for each skill. So that has pushed me into pushing my bad leg a bit more than I usually do, with some very unexpected results. For some skills, I have found myself performing better with my bad leg in charge, something that has surprised even my instructors. Very interesting.

However, I remain the extremely practical person I've been, and constantly tell myself that being surrounded by kids doesn't mean I am one and that I can throw caution to the wind and go ahead and break a few bones like it's no big deal. Like the mommy of my 6-year-old classmate gently reminded me, "Old bones heal slow."

So I try my best to remind myself of my old bones when I feel a little too adventurous.

It's not easy, to be honest.

My first time doing a "fish" — a basic slalom (obstacle) move 

Mommy and baby out for an Urban (skating on the roads)

Stay tuned for part II of this post, where I'll introduce you to the weird and wonderful types of people I have encountered in my two months of skating lessons. 

This job stinks!

This afternoon, we were preparing for Xena's Hindi exam. One of the topics is 'occupations' and the list has a lot of words that we don't really use in our daily lives, no matter how much we converse in Hindi. Words like kumhaar, kisaan, darzi, dhobi, gwala and halwaai hold no meaning whatsoever for kids living in Singapore. So Xena was struggling a little, trying to remember all of them.

Me - Okay, what is darzi?

Xena - Uh... postman?

Me - Nope. That's daakiya. What is darzi?

Xena - Uh... I don't know...

Me (showing a sewing action) - Look! What am I doing?

Xena - Sew...

Me - Correct!

Xena - So darzi is... a... 

Me - Yes?

Xena - I know! A SEW-ER! 

Nailed it

So we have been attempting to grow our own cherry tomatoes (Xena calls them cherry tommy plants) with a moderate level of success. We planted seeds that grew into four plants (christened Tommy, Tammy, Timmy and Tom by Xena) and so far we have harvested 3 gorgeous tomatoes, while 3 more are ripening on the plants.

We have also been trying our hand at composting in order to reduce waste and 'create soil' for our tommies. The other day, Xena and I were talking about the Singapore landfill situation and what we can do about it. We tried to think of all the non-recyclable things we throw and whether they can go into our compost bin instead.

Xena - Ooh Mama, can we add cut fingernails to our compost bin??

Me - YES! (Yeah, I had come across this when I was researching composting.)

Xena - Ooh. I have a GREAT idea. Let's have a small box in which all three of us put our nails after we've cut them. Once the box is full, we can add it to our compost pile!

Me - Err... sure! A bit gross but hey, anything for the planet, yeah?

Xena - Yeah! And you know what we can call that box?

Me - Uh... what?

Xena - OUR NAILBOX!

Me - ...

Xena - Like mailbox? NAILBOX. Ha ha ha!

Me - :|